Wow AG, You had a lot to unload today! My thoughts on some of it:
Quote: I just don't know how to find an R like this - and how to make it work... Sometimes I wonder if I just don't believe that there is someone compatible with my life choices out there.
Do the statistics, there must be at least 10,000 of them! The question is...How to find one of these! As an example, yoga is a good place to start if you are looking for introspective, centered people who are not all about their own ego. Maybe go to classes at a bunch of different centers, at different times, etc.?
Hee hee. I will have to ask to "see" the class before I sign up. Actually I saw yoga listed in some article as a great place for men to meet women. So perhaps I will bump into one of those! LOL!
Quote: Have you seen examples of women that make more than their H's or are in positions of power that are comparable or greater than their H's - where the R has worked...
I have quite a few friends and associates who fit this bill. It is far from impossible, but of course requires that the two are willing to work together to make it happen.
You are right. I need to actually stop thinking about it so much and take it one step at a time if/when Mr. Non-Platonic enters my life.
Quote: I am not sure how and where an LTR fits into one's life. How much are you suppose to "need"? When it is okay and when is it too much.
DB principles work here pretty well. But in my opinion, better is to just focus on enjoying the life and relationships that you have, appreciating them for what they are, not "needing" any of it, but enjoying all of it.
Most of the time I am off being too busy to have time to want an R. Had to add that one to my to do list! LOL! I am a little apprehensive that if/when I do bump into someone - I will view them as water after a 5 years trek in the desert and will lose perspective.
AG, from reading your description of the harrassment from CB, it sounds like this event must have had a strong, if subconsious, impact on you. Do you think that this could have affected your M and/or your desire to pursue another relationship? I know if someone I looked up to treated me this way, I would have real trust issues for a long time thereafter.
CB had a huge impact on me all those years ago. I was new to the workforce and never imagined that something like this could actually happen. Unfortunately, that was a first of many times I have face similar issues - so if I didn't go through it then - I would have had to go through it later. The experience prepared me well for my future.
Fortunately for every loser like CB, there are at least 10 decent men in the workplace. And it is those men that helped me along and helped me through sexual harassment situtations. They also helped me get to where I am today in my career. In the workplace - I am fine.
In my personal life - I feel clueless. The X was a very very bad choice for a H. And M was a very negative experience for me. So I really am not eager to repeat the experience. I had trust issues based on some stuff in my past and unfortunately my M (not D) reinforced the validity of those trust issues. My C is working very hard on getting me to open up again - to the point where if he hears I am interested in someone - he will literally instruct me NOT to push men away and bolt. He actually forbid me to bolt last time! LOL! I have made some progress - but have a ways to go.
And last, but not least...
Originally Posted By: almosthopeful So.......sigh, superdad, will you marry me??? LOL.
It depends...are you good at ego-stroking?
WOW - I flirted by proxy! AH actually was the one that proposed. I need her to be my Cyrano de Bergerac.
Now onto the art of ego-stroking - that is dating 101 right? AH help? How do I do that? LOL!!!
SD
Edited by SuperDad (Yesterday at 08:23 PM) _________________________ Me 40 W 40 Kids: S8 S7 Married 15 years Bomb dropped 2/2/07 Still living together! current thread
Dignify them and get them some robes and powered wigs.
hee hee... Archimedes was the second kitty in my life. I lost him about 3 years ago. He use to allow me to do silly things like put scrunchies on his ear. And he had a very dignified demeanor!
The other cats are not as accommodating... Really need to sit down with them and discuss who is in charge...
I speak to my cats in Bengali.... And I know they understand every word. We have communication issues when we disagree - they simply say nothing and do as they please!
Work is insane. I have been putting out fires all day - so I am even more behind on my "normal" work. This will be a good exercise obtaining equilibrium via imperfection.
There are no lists. There is no plan. There just doing what you can and accept that it is very likely that I am probably going to drop something somewhere...
Inspite of all this - I am less stressed and much more relaxed. I keep running into my garden BAREFOOT (finally no shoes weather!!!) looking for signs of life in shrubs that have yet to sprout leaves. I wonder if the weird unusually warm fall weather weakened my little shrubies. Any my new perennial extra hardy Hibiscus do not look like they are coming back... I wonder if my plants/shrubs/trees are hiding signs of life from me b/c I keep checking on them over and over again! LOL!
Originally Posted By: almosthopeful So.......sigh, superdad, will you marry me??? LOL.
It depends...are you good at ego-stroking?
WOW - I flirted by proxy! AH actually was the one that proposed. I need her to be my Cyrano de Bergerac.
Now onto the art of ego-stroking - that is dating 101 right? AH help? How do I do that? LOL!!!
Hey AG,
I'm actually gonna address that very last question seriously, 'cause I had a little light bulb moment...
I thought I was good at ego stroking, until I read the 5 love languages (after coming to this board). Now if I wonder if I needed to "stroke" in the other person's love language...
Just a thought.
Glad you are enjoying your pursuit of imperfection. It has always been a huge cross for me as well. A superb book is the Spirituality of IMperfection, if you have any free time! As an aside, it is hysterical to me that XH has married a woman who is clearly 10 times the perfectionist that I am/was. I'm gonna just sit back and see how that works for him!
What you can do instead of sleep is write a book with this as a title. Then publish, sell millions, and buy a beach for your cats or have a sand deck on your ship in the med.
while U Write patents on the side.
"All I want is a weeks pay for a day's work" Steve Martin
Thank you for all your posts. I will reply to them in the evening.
I am wondering about the job stress stuff. I thought it was affectiing just me b/c well I am predisposed to believe that I am the most screwed up person on the planet. But I am seeing an unprecendented amount of sloppy work, burn out, people dropping out of professions and the depression associated with failing unreachable standards.
There is a generally apathy - where what is the point of trying - when the bar is so high that you will fail anyway... People just give up. And I myself am very close to that point at times. Add perpetual budget cuts and the ever impending fear of lay offs or actual lay offs - the workplace is becoming more of a pressure cooker than it was in the past...
My assistant use to just support me a year ago - and I kept her busy reasonable full time. Now she supports 5 attorneys! And with the latest budget cuts, actions have been taking that has effectively doubled her workload. And I am doing more of the work myself b/c she simply is not available to support me. And she is a contractor - so no maternity leave benefits, no paid vacation time, no paid holidays. Other than health care - no other benefits. And she is paying more for gas than her car payments... Her mother doesn't even have health insurance.
The dollar is dropping like a rock and that is causing even more angst... Foreign law firms I work with charge in their own currency - no longer in dollars... Companies are shifting focus to international markets for customers that can afford their stuff - and well the weak dollar is a good thing if people are paying in other currencies.... My friends have actually starting moving money from here to Europe - euros are the currency of choice these days... I am planning on doing that myself in a few months... No one is even discussing that phenomena on the news yet... Depending on the outcome of the elections - never ending wars funded by loans from China...not good for the economy... And at the same time, the top corporations are at all time highs when ti comes to profitability...
Humongo client is on that list. They are NOT trickling down. They are investing the excess cash in foreign markets and overseas labor. In the US - all the employees get are budget cuts, rounds of never ending layoffs, diminishing benefits, and next to no raises. The CEO is earning himself some hefty bonuses.
There are a lot of good hardworking people - but they are worried about paying for basics - and how are they going to make ends meet... And it is next to impossible for them to focus on work.
Of course, as the people that work for me burn out - it affects me b/c I rely on them... You really cannot pressure burned out people to produce. They are not lazy - it is just really tough for people financially... But keeping an eye on whether they are meeting deadlines is taking up more of my time... Like it or not - it is my job to make sure things get done... I don't like sending "bad guy" emails - but what else can you do...other than squeeze what you can out of people...
I don't think the economy was this affected by Vietnam....or the Cold War - and the war on drugs was a silly diversion for a bored warless country... Republicans and Democrats alike in the business world are wondering how on earth we are going to get out of this one. Business is about fiscal responsibility and money... Who wins the election is going to determine whether anyone even begins to address these issues...
I think I am still in shock over this dollar free fall thing... This is really not a good thing... I never thought I would see this in my lifetime...
>>>>I need to work on being good enough. Which necessarily involves facing the possibility of disappointing - sigh..another one of my demons - people pleasing....
Doing quality work for clients is a very good thing. Clients can spot this a mile away. It's what's growing your work. If you're overwhelmed by the amount of work get some help. Supervise quality work.
People pleasing. Ellie does this all the time. In her case it comes from having a big heart. I sometimes confuse "pleasing" with compassion when it comes to Ellie. I hope shboth of you never stop being compassionate. ...Soup
