Hi all. I've been reading this board for a couple of months as anonymous. I finally logged on. My wife is going through MLC and seems like a Low Energy Wallower. The emotional detachment feels like death.
I had to write in when I read the original post. It resonated so much with me. It actually made me angry because I'm going through all of it and I'm just now realizing how little effect everything I've done so far has had on her. I have started doing a 180 and DB'ing, but sometimes I get so weak.
I have read so much on here that has helped me personally so I want to thank all of you for sharing your stories, fears, hopes and vulnerabilities. They really do help even if you don't know who's reading them.
O...M....G....reading this made me laugh a bit because it is word for word what my H did to me 6 months ago. I am going to print this out and keep it for future posterity...in my DB folder. ( i keep inspirational articles, saying, photos and what not in there)
I'm pretty sure my H is having a MLC. Tonight he just asked for joint custody of the kids. Stating that he wants to be with his kids. However, he does not make the effort to spend more time with them. I'm so happy I found this post!
Me: 33 H:33 M: 11 yrs S: 3/8/13 H came home: 3/10/13 S for second time: 3/16/13
Wow! This really helped! I'm going on month four and still in moderation. I found this site about 2 weeks ago and it has validated, kept me company, made me laugh, and yes, even scare me a bit. I'd love to add some to the wonderful chapters:
In marriage counseling : admitted to using a pro, why? Because he knew if he had an affair it would be another person he'd be dealing with. A relationship that would make demands of money and time! HAHAHAHAHA! So it was okay to "only used her twice". Because he wasn't emotionally involved! Oh yeah, and it wasn't satisfying just like mas--------g. Huh, but he only did it TWIIIIICE.
I also like the "I'm not sure I want to stay or be married to...you. I'm not sure if I want you to be my "life partner". Now of course this was the beginning when the s hit the fan.
And my favorite to date: Telling the Gottman marriage counselor that " we have a great friendship ( that is what the foundation of marriage is built upon ) so I'm ...not sure I waaaaant to work on marriage. It is about ME. I've put everyone's needs ahead of mine." Ooopsie , he forgot that he played basketball and golf on a scheduled basis during the first 23 years, and played poker and bowled the last 7, but just could not schedule time for us! Wowzers, and I thought he put me and or us ( daughters )first!?! OMGosh, I feel SOOOO much better. I think it's myyyy turn, going to a movie tonight! One which I choose and even have cheesie nachos for din din! YUM! Doing the gymn first, so I can HAVE those nachos!
THANK YOU SOOOOO MUCH ! You have made my weekend so much more bearable. I was feeling sorry for myself, and now I am smiling and even laughed out loud! OOOOO's
MLC=[censored] to be him
empathy: putting myself in his shoes and fighting like Hell for our marriage
" I will see you again...this is not where it ends..."
Oh how I needed to read this at this time! Received another "hate" email from H, blaming me for everything telling me to get lost and telling me to file divorce papers. This was 4 days ago and I have not responded at all. I just went dark. This is EXACTLY the script I am living now. Thank you, Iva
Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015) H 51 (ring off 7/2013) M 2007 T 1996 S 14 July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
Oh my gosh! I was in such a dark place thinking it was unique "we have no true chemistry" is his steadfast point on why we need to D. This only happened a week ago. We met in high school, dated since then for 9 years, been married for almost two His thing is "we never got to explore as adults, were incompatible and don't have natural chemistry."
I remember that from the third year of our relationship on he would say that people who said we were being silly hanging on to a high school love didn't understand how linked we were...that the differences we had (which brought us to were we are now, to a D in his mind) helped us grow and learn. How is it that he actually seemed to think in a more mature way as a younger boy that the "grown up man" he is supposed to be today?
I'm glad I read this today. Feeling less crazy. More angry thoygh. This anger has been brewing for a while and is just starting to unleash.
40s 2teens M14Y BD-10/12/13 rec-1/14 BD2-5/14 rec2-9/14 EA disc-10/14 4/15-BD 3 and triangulation ensues Served with D6/15 MS forced to leave7/15 D agreement signed 8/16 final 5/17
