Brit...that is what I think too. He keeps telling me how unhappy he has been. If he was THAT unhappy, it seems he would be RACING to the attorney's office. I just don't get that. I refuse to be the one to file (for now). I just know I would be doing all the work, and he would just come and sign. I think he doesn't want to get his hands dirty or have a guilty conscience over it. Yeah right.
Brit...that is what I think too. He keeps telling me how unhappy he has been. If he was THAT unhappy, it seems he would be RACING to the attorney's office. I just don't get that. I refuse to be the one to file (for now). I just know I would be doing all the work, and he would just come and sign. I think he doesn't want to get his hands dirty or have a guilty conscience over it. Yeah right.
My wife went out and bought one of those $30 "how to get divorced" packs from Staples. Obviously nothing came of it. I refuse to invest any money in the process at all, so she's going to have to figure it out for herself.
Of course, I like an idiot gave her new insurance cards the other day for her car... She has it too easy.
I don't know how seriously I would take a home divorce kit. That seems like more of a threat than an actual plan on her part. I'm with you though. He is going to have to do this himself. I REFUSE to hold his hand and walk him through the process of divorcing me. That is just something I will not do. He is gonna have to be a man and make a decision on his own.
Hey Lori. I read through all your threads yesterday. It's heartbreaking. I think you and I are feeling alot alike in that we want so desperately to have a chance but our H's are telling us there is none and are avoiding anything that has to do with our stich. You sound alot like me in that you just want to sit down and figure this out and move forward but instead we are stuck here in "limbo" waiting. I feel like a fool sitting here waiting and being so desperate but at the same time I love my husband so much that I feel like it's what I have to do! Sometimes I wonder "if he doesn't want me then why am I even trying?" I try not to think too much about it though b/c that's when I get depressed. You've been at this alot longer than I have though. When I was looking at your posts yesterday I would see the date and think "on this day I was going along with life thinking it would be perfect forever" and then as I'd get to April 17th and after I would be thinking "well, this is where my world crumbled and remembering how awful I felt everyday since" It really made me sad. It makes me realize how precious life and time is and how badly I screwed up and how I am so desperate for my "old" life back!!! Actually, it's not that I want my old life back so much as I want my husband back so we can start a new life. It is so hard for me to be patient.
I also am a scrapbooker and also enjoy making cards. I haven't had any interest in doing that since all this started. I think it'll be a while too b/c it's always been a positive thing for me and right now it just seems so stupid!
Me=31 H=36 D=4 H dropped bomb and moved out=4/17/08, living with his mother 50 minutes away from home and work.
Just checking in with you. How are you handling things, with giving H his "space"? And I hate limbo, too. My mom wants me to file but I told her I never will......
Hey Shattered, I'm going to read over your sitch today. I am surprised at how much other people sound like me on this board. Most people IRL that have done this are so bitter. They just took the blows by their WAS and walked away. So far I haven't let my anger take control.
BBJ, I am handling things OK. I still work with him, so I have to contact him for work issues on occasion. I had to call him this morning to discuss a big job we have, but I kept the conversation to work only. I ended the convo first. I was upbeat and pleasant. I think that is what I am supposed to be doing. How have you been doing? I need to read your last few posts. I have been out of town all weekend so I'm a little behind.
One thing we learn with DR is that the only control we have to impossible situations is how we choose to reaction. You make so much happen with grace and beauty.
Think of the woman you were before the bomb... and now? What do you see as different? In all this chaos, what makes you smile?
You're wise in letting HIM be the one to put the energy into ending the marriage. What is he so unhappy about? Has he had time to look in the mirror and see for himself? The whole notion of the one who is causing us the greatest hurt is in fact incredibly fragile astounds me.
I'm reading a book now, "Why Bad Things Happen to Good People". The premise is how we should integrate our positive and negative, higher and lower selves or else we become our own worst enemies. There's a section about the 'masks' we wear based on how we want people to perceive us. The Martyr, The Nice Guy, The People Pleaser, The Bully.. etc. It gives insight into what motivates folks to behave a certain way, what they're masking and how to resolve it. Might be something interesting to thumb through.
In my case, I find I'm a mask collage of People Pleaser, Good Girl and Intellect. My spouse is an Intellect and Bully. Only in accepting ourselves can we as individuals move forward. Sounds like a common theme.. eh?
Before the bomb I was so desperate and needy. H had withheld affection for so long that I was not the person I wanted to be. I am definitely getting away from that. I feel much stronger right now than I did even a week ago. One day at a time. I don't want to jinx it, but I am having a pretty good day today.
I let my anger get the best of me today. I didn't have a sitter for D this afternoon during S's t-ball practice. She doesn't generally behave well at those sorts of things. I called H to see if he wanted to bring him. I told him it wasn't a big deal if he couldn't. He said "I don't think I'll be able to." I said, "OK then." Seriously, that is all I said. He got mad at me and said "Look, you don't have to get all pissy about it!" I responded, "Well, I wasn't pissed, but I am now!!" Then I hung up on him. He called back a little while later to apologize, but it was too late. I was so mad! I just let him have it. He tried to tell me that he was just having a rough day at work because he was working in the rain, etc. I told him that I understood he was stressed, but it didn't give him the right to take it out on me. I told him he lost that privilege when he left me. I also told him that if it was THAT big of a deal to do extra things with the kids, I would just quit asking him. I know I came across as a b****, but sometimes I think I am entitled to be a little angry. He can't expect me to be all sunshine and roses with all this going on. I have put up with ALOT from him over the years. I think he is just trying to get me to react negatively so he cam justify what he is doing. I told him so too. I told him that was not fair, because I have done nothing wrong. He has said so himself. He said I was reading too much into it. I said that maybe I was, but it still made me mad. Then I let him go.
