I'm glad you did that! H really made me feel that feelings were irrational or I was overreacting...it helps to see everything I felt right there in black and white!!!
It also let me know that it is possible to forgive...which has been a big concern of mine.
I have been thinking about you a lot Sara, I hope you are doing ok. I just posted on your thread.
Well, I just had a huge fight with my mother. I just blew up at her. Before the bomb H was in Iraq for 8 months, and then pretty soon after that we separated. I have lived by myself for so long. Now I live with my mother who has no respect for my privacy, is controlling and expects me to be her best friend. Don't get me wrong, I am very grateful that she is letting me stay here...but I feel like I am fifteen years old again living in this damn house.
I am so pissed at H. He gets his own apartment, while I pay $1,000/month on the house in TX. He contributes nothing. He can't...he's got rent to pay. Its not right. I hate him right now. I hate him for messing everything up, for turning my life upside down, and for him being able to do just what he wants. It sucks.
I am really wanting to call him right now but I am afraid I would say something to him that I would regret. So, here I sit, feeling like a child in my mothers house until H gets his head out of his ass...which could be never.
Don't call him while you're angry. While I totally understand your frustration with your stitch, it's not ALL his fault. We can also blame the housing market and your mom.
Is there a way you could talk to her tomorrow when you are calmer about some boundaries?
((((Kris))))
I moved back in with my folks after I moved out of the place H and I shared until I got into my current apt with my friend. My dad pulled some of the same stuff. It totally sucks.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
I have talked to her about boundaries, she doesn't get it. I am sitting here crying right now, because I feel bad for blowing up at her, and because I see no end to this.
If H paid half the bills for the house then I COULD afford to live somewhere else. But poor him, he can't afford it. THAT is why I get so angry at him. He hasn't had to give up anything. Not his privacy and not his freedom. Example: I was out Saturday night and she called me at 11:00 asking when I was coming home, said I needed to hurry because she was tired of waiting up. WTF, I am 27 years old!!!!!!!! Its ridiculous.
Hell, if H would sell his car, cancel his cable and internet then maybe he could contribute...but no, he "deserves" those things. A part of me really wants to call him and say he needs to start contribuing x amount of dollars towards the house and also take back the things that I still pay for (insurance, gym membership), so that I can afford to live a life of freedom too.
Sorry, I don't know what set me off...but I need to vent.
Kris I really feel for you. I didn't realize that you were living with your mom. I moved out of the house to get away from it all in January and stayed with my mom for a little over a week. I thought I was going to kill someone. Seriously. I LOVE my mom. She is my best friend and we do lots of great things together. However...living with her was annoying. She did my laundry! I didn't ask her to, she went through my things and washed my laundry. She treated me like I was 15 again and I wanted to hurt her. So after a week I told H that it wasn't working and I was coming back home.
Vent all you want. I am angry today as well. It is better to vent here because we all understand than to your H who won't get it anyway.
Sara
Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
Thanks Sare. That is just it, I LOVE my mom too. She really is my best friend and has been my rock through all of this...but I can't stand being mothered. I really can't stand it. She is constantly telling me what to do and I think today I was just at the end of my rope. She guilts me into things too and that infuriates me.
The thing is that H got his own place here when he left TX. It isn't like I would just be going back to "our" place. If it was our place before then I would do just what you did...go back.
If that house doesn't sell soon I won't have to worry about it because I will be living in a loony bin!
Yep, she pushes all the right buttons. Really I think my mom loves this. She loves having me here. I just feel so claustrophobic. I can't use any of my stuff because it is all crammed in a little room in her house and I couldn't get to it if my life depended on it. It will be that way until I move. The things I do have out are packed into my little bedroom which is always messy because I have nowhere to put anything. *sighs*..one day I will look back on this and laugh...right?
Actually I did celebrate Cinco de Mayo! But I did it on Saturday, I had bottomless margaritas and listened to a band! Had a blast....although I really needed those margaritas last night.
So I woke up this morning and I felt horrible for lashing out at my mother. She stays at my grandmother's on Monday nights to take care of her, so after our argument she left and I didn't see her until I was about to leave for work this morning.
I just feel like such a horrible daughter. I should be grateful that I have a mom that would let me stay with her through this. But to me it is just so depressing being there. After a long day at work I go home...but it doesn't feel like home, I feel out of place. You know how when you're on vacation and when you get home you are so glad to be back and sleep in your bed and just be HOME.....well I feel like I am on vacation and I am ready to go HOME.
I wonder if I made the right decision to move here. At the time I really needed my family. There I have a house and had a good job that I loved. Here I have nothing...and a job that I am not too fond of. Moving back has crossed my mind several times.
