My problem is I start trying to do so many things at once and get side tracked. Yesterday I was doing windows and went outside to clean those. I decided to get the blower out and cleanup the pine needles and leaves from the patio. Then it was pressure washing the siding which then turned into pressure washing my shed and patio. At the same time I was multitasking getting another big space ready for a raised vegetable garden. I finally finished the windows and removed the crawl space vents and went to Lowes to by a bunch of 2*6 pressure treated lumber for my raised beds. I decided that the cedar fence boards I have used before would only last about 3 years before deteriorating.
LOL Welcome to my life. At the end of the day I think "what did I finish.....?"
You sound like you're getting through it though.
Take care
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
W called me yesterday and asked if the kids could stay at my place on Mon night even though she had them for the holiday per our parenting plan. She said that S7 said he wanted to stay at my house.
When she came over, she printed a bunch of pictures on my printer and then helped out in going through the kids closets. I asked her to take a bunch of the stuff I have boxed up for her, but she said that she would need to rent a storage place and that she has no more money for that. After she left, she called me from my driveway and talked for quite a while about her bleak financial situation. She does not want me to wihtdraw and split the mutual fund with her because she does not want to spend that, but save everything. She is upset that I have not been paying her anything since we split the checking account. I told her that the L's will deal with all the financials.
She also says that she does not like L's and has gotten into some arguments with her L concerning billing. I even had to explain to her what her L has done which is to just extend the dismissal date and not file a response which would trigger a court date, thus, costing more money. She got angry and says she may fight me all the way to court. I told her that it is best to let our L's deal with this issue if we are going to remain friendly which is so important for the kids.
So I get the idea from her is that she has no intention to use any of the splitting of the assets to setup her new post D life - she wants to put it all into savings (she pulled the pity card again by saying she does not know how to invest). Meanwhile, I will lose most liquid assets (plus a fair chunk of my retirement accounts) and have to refinance to pay her off for the house. She has suggested that I make extra payments to her for the assets instead refinancing. Once again, I think my L is best to advise me and negotiate a fair deal. I fear that for the next few years that I will be just barely be getting by and that we may have to drop some of the kids extra expenses (afterschool teacher, music lessons) because I just wont have the funds for that.
It was RefuseToLose who said that. I agree, I will get back on financial track, but it is the not knowing right now what my near future financial status will be that is frustrating.
Dang, I'm really sorry you're dealing with the things you're dealing with. I can't believe how positive you are and how you're able to continue being such a good dad to your kids when W is treating you so badly.
Make a really conservative budget and stick to it and you'll make it through this brief down time.
Just adding my sympathies. I like the idea of the cheating spouse not being entitled to anything. Sounds fair to me.
My current D has not involved any significant issues with money, but my first D did. I had less to lose back then, but W1 was awarded alimony of 1K/wk for 4 years. That didn't include child support (450/wk) and I also had to pay for her health insurance. I bet that bought a lot of oats!
She didn't even look for a job until less than a year before alimony ended. Those were four difficult years financially, but I got through it and am OK now.
Me45 W35 M6 T8 D16 SD11 D0 Dec 07: Bomb July 08: Busted! Thread
There were times XW was making more money than me. And some of that time I was also supporting W and SD (though W had a job). My point is, though, that you do what you need to do and get through it. You are pretty resilient and I have no doubt the finances will not be the hardest part of all this. Even though I was looking forward to D'ing W1, it was still difficult. Mostly because of what we put D14 through and the feeling that I had wasted all those years on that crazy woman.
Me45 W35 M6 T8 D16 SD11 D0 Dec 07: Bomb July 08: Busted! Thread
Just adding my sympathies. I like the idea of the cheating spouse not being entitled to anything. Sounds fair to me.
I agree too, but I am on the other side of this; I'm not the cheating spouse but I do think I need alimony. I gave up working to stay at home and homeschool my 2 special needs kids, have been a loyal hard-working wife, helped my H through college & law school by typing and editing all his papers & encouragement (he's dyslexic), etc. We had both agreed homeschooling the kids was for the best since I have a teaching degree and my S14 was having a nightmare every day in school. I do think alimony should be in a case like ours, where H agreed to something for 8 years and then changes his mind about it suddenly when he is having an affair/wanting a divorce. I don't know if the courts will agree, but it seems ridiculous to make changes for those reasons!!! Karen
Karen