What about NO EXPECTATIONS and a habit of gratitude for what is good? The glass is just what it is , and if there is something in it, be grateful and if there isn't accept it. It is living in the moment. Having expectations is living in the future, derived from what happened in the past .
You do not know that the future will be terrible, but most wise peole think that if we hope for the best and prepare ourselves for the worst, that is the best way to recognise the good things that DO flow into our lives, and they do.
Just wanted to chime in (rather late it seems) and say what a spot on comment this is from Angelica.
Lou Holtz, the former college football coach, once said
"Life is 10% what happens to you, and 90% how you respond to it."
Every one here has been dealt a lousy hand by the person that they were sure they could trust forever. It doesn't get much more hurtful than that.
Betrayal and infidelity on the part of a spouse significantly changes the dynamics in a relationship. If they leave and seek to exit the marriage, it's even worse.
We have to change our approach to things in light of these revelations.
Hope is something we should ALWAYS be able to find inside of us. Good Lord, what would life be like without hope?! But we can no longer afford to base that hope on the words or actions of the spouse who has crossed over to the dark side.
We have to base that hope on US and whatever higher power we acknowledge in our life. We find strength and purpose in ourselves and those in our life who still seek to inspire us and urge us on to greatness. For the time being, our spouse must take a back seat in this area in our hearts.
My counselor used to really get on me about attributing some deep significance to every little interaction with my now ex-wife. He would always say to me, much as Angelica posted, "why can't the interaction JUST BE what it is? Why does it have to either further the cause or hamper the cause?"
Eventually that connected inside of me. I have found GREAT peace and calmness by accepting things for what they appear to be at face value, and not trying to read more in to them.
Let's all face it. If we're waiting for validation and nourishment from a spouse who has wandered away from us, we are destined to be miserable and defeated.
The power of the DB'ing principles is that they focus FIRST on ourselves. Finding our way, building our strength, working on our weaknesses. The eventual result of such introspection is that we emerge a stronger, more confident man or woman.
Just some thoughts that Angelica's post brought to mind.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
Just curious, were you referring to my sitch or just in genaral? Because i really don't think i read much into H's interactions anymore. i know why he does the things h does and I leave it at that.
I always believed what you think and wwhat you believe influences your interactions.
You post was very insightful by the way. thanks for popping by.
