Cinders, I posted on MrsH thread that I thought her husband's spewing and being unpleasant was a sign that he wasn't happy. Now the opposite doesn't mean that your h is happy. As RCR posted they handle it differently, depending in part of persoality type.
In fact, from what you have posted, you h sounds unusually immature and subject to flattery. That is why he has gone for the type he has - young sweet and adoring. I suspect also that he is somewhat narcissistic, again, please accept that this is very much MO. He is validated by admiration, and may feel less guilt than many of them. He seems truly to feel somewhat entitled to what he is doing. Hence, is less conflicted. They all feel entitled, but most seem to feel more guilt, expressed as anger towards their closest ones, and those who criticise them.
The OW is adoring, and sounds less overtly messed up than some of the OWs. -Although my own view that anyone who messes around with a married man considerably older than herself and with kids, and a wife, has SOME problems!
Perhaps a more likely secenario here is what occurred the other evening - he saw his old life, and missed it. But another scenario is that you will tire of his selfishness and immaturity unless he decides to do some serious growing up.
Cinders, Angelica has posted some very good information on the different reactions to mlc. Keep in mind that each individual personality will react differently to mlc. You are one of the fortunate ones that has an h that is being some what kind. Why? Because he's still acting very much a child and wants to see his reflection in the mirror each and every day. As long as the ow and his new friends admire him, he will continue on his merry path. Happy? He's happy for the time being because he's able to get all of the adoration/admiration from the ow. That wear begin to wear thin at some point. She's going to get so very tired of his "me, me first" symptoms. You, too, would get tired of that behavior as well.
Yes, you h appeared to miss his old life for a short period of time, but that me entitlement will pull him back into his new life for a while longer. Some mlcers take a very long time to wake up and smell the coffee; others a couple of years. In your situation, the mirror will need to shatter for your h to wake up. It will...in time.
For now....keep moving ahead. You've been doing beautifully. You are a great mother who adores her children and would do anything for them and others. Your horizon is expanding more and more and some day, you may wake up one morning and discover that you do not want him back, that too much time has gone by and you will have grown to the point that he will never be able to catch up. We just never know what lies ahead. Destiny in your hands, take advantage of every opportunity that comes your way. Life is far too short to worry about whether he's a happy camper or not--most likely he's not after the sun goes down.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
He is validated by admiration, and may feel less guilt than many of them.
Yes, he loves the adoration, it 'feeds' him.
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He seems truly to feel somewhat entitled to what he is doing. Hence, is less conflicted.
Very true, he feels that 'that' love he had for me is over, hence he MAY live the life he is living.
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The OW is adoring, and sounds less overtly messed up than some of the OWs. -
I agree, this worries me a little, because she may not easily ruin their R that way...then again, it's not HER, it's HIM.
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he saw his old life, and missed it.
Don't know if he missed...but maybe it did something with him.
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But another scenario is that you will tire of his selfishness and immaturity unless he decides to do some serious growing up.
Many friends have told me that I have outgrown him, that he's not worth it, that I am a far better person now...weird, isn't it?!
I still think that we could make it work, when the time is right and both of our input is there. For now, nope. He's too far away. Kids spent the weekend there, he left them with a babysitter Saturday, and he and ow slept in till 12noon on Sunday ! Thursday they also had a babysitter and this Thursday, I think he's got ow to babysit the kids...It's his loss. I don't bother him about it.
One day the kids may tell him, they also may not.
Thanks so much Angelica !! I was also happy to hear that you too had a great and FUN weekend !! So nice of your son's friends to drop by, just goes to show what a wonderful person you are !!!!
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
Cinders - Thank you fo rthis. My sons' friends are such fun. We talked about all sorts of stuff, and had a really relaxing time. Snodderley gave you a great post - I always love it when she comes by.
I do think you may move on beyond him. I don't say that to make you feel sad - because if you do, you will be fine about it. But he may feel less good then! But that isn't your problem.
I do know that when you kids are older they will remember what you were like and be so grateful that you stayed strong and stable for them. My kids tell me things about their childhood that I am astonished they remember.
No need to thank me, I have grown to know you as a wonderful friend, and therefore can only imagine that people who actually know you by having met in person, must really love you and your vibrant personality !
I DO love it when Snodderly drops by yes !
I don't feel sad anymore when I imagine that I may move beyond H. I know that if I do, my feelings will be good about it, and that I tried all I could for as long as I could.
For now, I am still in the process, time will tell how things will go. I am happy that I no longer NEED H to be happy, that I can just enjoy everyday stuff and laugh again
(As I write this H is calling me !! haha - I left it to answer on voicemail)
I hope my kids will remember me as a good and loving mom, most of all. One day that too will unveil itself !
Take care sweety ! xxx
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
I am watching 'Dinner with Friends' (old movie) and it's as if I am seeing a replay of what happened since bomb ! The EXACT same lines that H said to me.....
Main reason guy leaves his wife for ow, is because he was LONELY. He didn't feel that his wife even thought anything of him anymore.....wow....I am going to watch the end...maybe there is a lesson to be learnt !
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
Well, one couple split (just like we did....) and stay split. the other couple evaluates the other couple and therefore their marriage....they try to convince the other couple to not throw away their marriage, but it doesn't work. Not only the marriage breaks down, but also their friendship. Terribly sad, but our everyday reality....
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
