I'm not sure if I even know how to post anymore and for such a long time I was here everyday. I remember searching for hope in stories of success and hoping one day I could post mine. Knowing holidays can be a downer, I thought I would post a little hope to maybe help someone hang on for one more day and take a day at a time.
Here is how things were, starting in 2004:
Both 47 Married 21 years 3 children,S16,S15,D12 1999-H had always worked 20 hour weeks/paid for 40, so lots of "me" time. I used to joke what kind of person he'd be if he ever had to work FT. Then his company was bought out and he had to work 50-60 hr weeks.
2000-Changes began! Sports car, drinking with work friends, less involved with kids, house and me.
Fall 2002- Had risen to management, then downsized after 20 years with same company. Depressed, out of work 6 months, then found job at 1/2 previous salary. I began working more.
2003- Financially, had to move to much smaller house, big ego blow to H, changed jobs twice to find the "right" job.
April Fool's Day 2004 (how appropriate) Got the ILYBNILWY speech, wanted a separation, my wt gain, poor discipline of children, snoring was the "reason." I was stunned. So stunned, became suspicious and checked his cell phone, because the last 2 evenings was out late with flimsy excuses, unusual behavior. I had NEVER checked his phone before. Discovered number of my "friend," late night calls etc. Confronted him, denies, lies, etc. Over the next 3 days, discovered EA/PA with my friend, the mother of D12 best friend, same street, church, school, social circles. Everyone in the community was aware by the end of summer. Seen at hotels, restuarants, my kids even knew, taken to "accidental" meetings with her.
April 04- April 06 2 yrs of rollercoaster of denials, discoveries, confrontations, he has moved out 3 times (3-6 months each time.) Has said it is over with OW for last 2 months but I have doubts. (her H divorced her and she moved a block away. She has 3 kids also, 10 yrs younger than H)
May 06- This is when I think he began returning to his senses. It had been a slow progression over 2 years but all in one month he dealt with OW withdrawl for the last time, tried to start up with a new girlfriend. I had enough, we saw our lawyers and I was waiting to get served divorce papers. I was ready to get on with my life, had grown so much stronger myself and knew I would be fine. He said he realized the day before he was meeting with his lawyer to file, that he wanted our marriage to work, and I heard all the things I had been waiting to hear for 2 years. We took it slowly, dating all summer and fall before I let him move home in Nov 2006.
May 2008- I can't believe it has been 4 years since it started, 2 years since he began his descent from outer space! He is so totally like he was when we married, almost normal. It took him almost a year before I think he felt comfortable in his own skin, dealing with the guilt and embarrassment of what he did and rebuilding relationships with the kids. I still will see glimpses of the alien, maybe every 4 months or so, usually alcohol induced, but they pass and he doesn't act that way daily like he used to. We are now discussing our maritial issues, trying to be aware and meet each others needs. It is not perfect, but is SOOOOOO much better than 4 or 2 years ago. I never say never but things are good now.
So if this gives one person the hope and strength to hang in there and fight for their marriage, then I am glad. I went through a lot of his crap for 2 years, sometimes wanted to give up and such a rollercoaster of emotions. Hopefully we are on the other side now. _________________________ wed2alien
Both 49, M 23 years 3 teens April 2004- bomb, moved out April 2006-Ended with OW for the LAST time May 2006- He wants to work on the marriage!! Nov 2006-- Moved home May 2008- Things still getting better
