DEPRESSION/WITHDRAWAL STAGE

[cagzmom]

It is a very very long road trusting.

My H is much like yours when it comes to depression...adn this is what I really don't get, they dont choose to fix themselves. WE CANT. AND THAT IS so freakin' frustrating.

I remember times when H was sick he would get really really sick but not go to the doctor, no different then now.

[glamgirl]

CagZ and Trusting, try looking at things from a different angle. I don't think your h's choose not to fix themselves. If they are truly depressed such as diagnosed for bipolar or manic depression, I don't think it's that easy to just jump up and say yes I am healed or I am fixed.

The depression is what prevents them from moving forward. They may need professional help for depression. You could try supporting by candid conversations like you seem like your depressed would you like me to make an appt for you with Dr so and so? I could even attend with you if that would be helpful. Depending on what kind of interactions you have with h's or you could simply suggest in an e-mail and end it with just concerned about you or just thinking of you.

[ACJ]

Glam,
I think you need to know your H is at the right stage to do all of this. If I were to suggest any of this to my H right now he would either laugh or remind me that he has OW to do that for him now!

[glamgirl]

You are right ACJ. It took my h 22 mos. It sounds like Trusting's h might be there. He is mentioning how miserable he is. That is a start or possibly a clue.

[cagzmom]

Glam- My H went to counseling and was on meds and chose to stop. I have said to him...will you go to counseling? do you take your meds...he says no to all.

My H talks about being miserable, sad, depressed wants to die -- all the time. Glam last summer he tried to kill himself. Went to counseling 1 time - then a month later wanted to come home - I welcomed him with open arms-- he quit counseling and went back to ow. Went to counseling for about a month and quit again.

I AGREE that if they CHOOSE to say help me that we should be there for them. YES!! I also 100% agree with you taht the change has to come from within us of forgiveness and seeing them through different eyes...again I totally agree.

Kindness is good..being a B** bad. Loving hearts - sweet spirit all of that i totally agree with Glam. MY H keeps waiting for me to BITE - Bark - be angry...I just dont have it anymore. GOD took it from me adn I am thankful.

I WOULD LOVE for my H to say HELP ME. I would in a heart beat. He doesn't want my help. At least not now.

[forward]

Trusting, I think my H is tired of OW too.

But no progress towards me. In fact, moving away.

[forward]

And Trusting, I also think that WASs go through the whole "letting go" process AFTER we do.

I'm moving forward now, while H is getting his reality checks.

Make sure you are moving forward too....

[TRUSTING]

Breton,

Trying to move forward. Some days are better than others. Your H and mine sound like they are at the same stage. In fact, many are on this board.

I'm just getting tired, tired of being alone. Tired of the holidays alone. O.k. pity party over......

I have been trying to count my blessings, pray and move on.

[forward]

Trusting, I guess I am feeling more that I need/want the alone time.

I have plans....

-Working out again.
-Working on some personal projects.
-Fixing up garden.
-Working on cooking.
-Browsing for a new place to live.
-Trying to get back on track w/my job.
-Reading.

I urge you to make a list of things to do when alone. I like getting to know myself again. I'm pretty cool! =)

[glamgirl]

Trusting I was thinking of you last night and was wondering what your h would say if you invited him to a BBQ at your house with the kids or maybe to a movie with the kids?

What is the worst that can happen? He says NO! I was thinking this might be a way of reconnecting. If he says NO, you can bet he would be thinking twice.

After all, you are D and why not think of h as a friend. Just some thouhgts. Sometimes you need to be the one to start the reconnect process.