Trying Hard to Detach

[Eagle 2]

Thanks Sara.

I am done with the IC. She wants me to "Move On" cause my W is crazy. I am hopeful that the W's mood swings are internal conflict. I actually got kudos today for helping. She never says thanks anymore.

The whole D process has the W upset. I didn't write the laws nor have I done anything out of sorts. She is just mad that it is not easy, quick and going according to her plan. And guess who get all the blame? I get blamed for all ills in her life so it makes sense.

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. It means alot.

[addie]

Eagle,
You seem to be handling this so well given your W's anger.
I agree with Sara - get another C. Your C shouldn't be telling you to move on. You're the only one that should decide when it's time to move on. I take it W isn't going to her own IC to deal with her issues? I think you're right about W's mood swings being her internal conflict. As long as you keep seeing some positives in W's actions, it allows you to maintain hope that your M can be saved.

[LucasE]

I liked the part where she got mad at you for not getting mad. I would stick to that. She can't do that forever. It seems like she is trying to make a mess so she can point to it for justification. You seem like you have got it under control so that that mess cannot occur. Just keep holding it together. Keep watching. You got a "honey" and a "dear?" I'd say your W needs to fight this battle within herself. Stay cool. Be the rock. In my situation, W is angry. I do something right. W is nice. I do something right. W is angry again. All I can do right, without trying risky maneuvers, is love her. And that means disregarding a lot of reality right now. I'll never regret that course of action.

[Eagle 2]

Thanks Addie/LE,

W woke up "in a mood" on Sunday. Yelling at D and storming around. She said that I was being an a** in the way I am handling the D. Wow! She is the one killing me with the D and now I am the Bad Guy. I really hope that all of this anger is internal conflict.

I grabbed the kids and left (Church, Park, Sports Practices, Etc) for the Day. Very busy day and being very good Dad. I loved it. I keep saving the kids and me from the wrath. I am trying to treat the rages like tempur tantrums. I have to be careful - when you "help" she gets even more angry. I have been trying to ignore it and leave w/kids ASAP.

I am tied up with many kid issues this week on my own. It will be good practice for post D. I keep hoping the anger goes and stays down. I try not to react -

[Eagle 2]

Update:

W was away for 2.5 days. I really enjoyed kid time and keeping up w/ everything. Many contacts from W on non kid items. She seemed lonely on trip. Nice conversation last night with no R/D talk. I really cannot understand how she can look to me as a friend to talk with and yet be hurting me so bad. I don't show the hurt in any way. I so much want to pursue and say ILY but I know that would be a backslide.

Anger level is way down. Many baby steps met but no breakthroughs. Been trying hard to calm the enviroment down.

Will try for another good day today. I feel like we are getting to a "normal" status as coparents/friends when the legal stuff is out of the picture. I do not see it getting beyond that but just staying there would be nice - a solid phase 2.

I will have the kids all weekend as W is going away. It will be another "test" on what the post D sitch will be like. I am hopeful that she misses us, all of us. She seemed to have issues with it this week.

Is there any WAW's that can help me on the Friend/Hurt question?

[addie]

Hi Eagle,
There aren't many WAW's on this site so I don't know that you will get your answer. You may want to try posting this question on the WAS forum. There's actually a thread on there about anger and the WAW.
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1403402&page=1&fpart=1
I hope the link works.

BTW, you seem to be doing a great job at getting W's anger to subside. Keep calm!!!

[CBK]

Hey eagle - try Smart Cookie, What did I do and Sandi - they have been part of my posters and all have excellent advice.

The funny thing is that at least your wife shows you emotion - even the swings - don't know if that is a good or bad thing, but mine is always very quiet or won't ever talk to me.

As you know, the first step is getting rid of the negative emotions - then you can work on the friendship. I am still on step one... groan.

Be well my friend.

CBK

[Eagle 2]

Thanks CBK and Addie.

CBK - Sorry about your W moving out. Keep your chin up. I actually feel better when my W is gone.

Addie - sounds like some good news in your sitch.

I am really down today. I recieved notice of our 1st court date in Mid June. It is info gathering session and I knew it was coming. It just adds another layer of reality and completeness to the D. My W was overjoyed about it last night and wanted to go thru all the details. It was nice to see her happy about something. I told her I needed time to read and understand it before talking about it.

We barely spoke yesterday. A little conversation about work and kids (No R/D). She made dinner and I played with kids and went to bed early. We are going to separate kid events tonight and I am trying to avoid her till she leaves for the Holiday Weekend (Friday Afternoon) as much as I can.

I cannot kick the depressed state that I am now in and don't want to interact with her until I get back to balance. At least I get 4 days off work. I keep praying and DBing and doing the right things. I keep looking for signs of hope but there is really nothing but patience and faith at this point.

She just called on a kid issue and I was upbeat and validating. Whew. I even got a "thank you" and a "dear". If only that actually meant something.

I would love to hear from Smart Cookie What did I do and Sandi2...... Not that I don't love hearing from you two.

[Eagle 2]

Update:

Long Holiday Weekend with me and kids was great. Lots of fun and dad time. Kids had fun. It was very relaxing and low stress. W did not seem interested in me or kids.

She is detaching faster than I can LRT. She seemed upset that Kids and I were fine and had fun. She has become less angry but increasingly distant. She has totally pushed away from me, church and most of her friends. There is far less anger but less interaction and she is much more distant. W has IC today so maybe she will continue to heal.

I am not pursuing and she seems to care less. It is hard to be friends with someone who you dont talk to. This is better than the yelling all time but seems to be a prelude to the D.

Patience and Faith. I am praying, DBing and being patient. I need to refocus on the GAL activities. I have had the kids so much that I havent had any time for myself.

[addie]

Hi Eagle,
I'm glad you had a good weekend with your kids.
You can't do anything about your W's distance. Sooner or later your W will come to realize all that she is giving up. Focus on yourself and your kids. The GAL activities are very important for your PMA.