Pregnant and trying to be stronger

[blindsided1]

Last Thread

Well, my last thread was about to lock up so I'm starting this one. Still Pregnant and trying to get stronger.

Forrest - you've been a really big help for me. I know that I don't do things your way. Correct me if I'm wrong, but your way. I'm getting really close to having this baby. My emotions (yes, I said the E word) ARE getting the best of me. It's extremely hard to be emotionless right now. Yesterday was a sad day for me. I felt pretty blue, but not horrible. I think it had a lot to do with lack of sleep, no contact with H and hormones. There are days when I feel really strong and refuse to put up with any crap from H. But, I bounce back and forth between those and days like yesterday.

Maybe you could suggest some specific things I could work on. I'm not always sure what you are asking/suggesting that I do. Although, I love your "to the point" posts, sometimes they are really short spurts of info and I don't always understand what you are suggesting. So, my question to you: How do you suggest I handle the sitch in the next couple weeks (keep in mind baby is coming, emotions are high)? I have resigned myself to NOT calling him. It's hard because I know he's doing the same thing. It would be easy for me to text him some info about baby or just about anything to get the conversation going. But, I'm not doing that. It DOES get me down when he doesn't contact me because I feel like he doesn't think about me. That's hard to deal with. I've been closer to this man than anyone, for the last 7 years. That is what I was dealing with yesterday. The loss of that closeness and the friendship is just that, another loss. I suppose it's a natural progression, but it still makes me sad. He used to call just to see what I was doing or how my family was or just to talk late at night. He hasn't done that in weeks. I just feel him pulling away and it makes me want to pick up the rope and tug. But, I'm NOT going to do it.

Stay with me here Forrest. There are some things that I have improved upon. I am NOT asking for H to help with things like I used to. I ask my brother. I try very hard to NOT let his crappy mood bring me down, too. I am trying to let go of the rope a little at a time. I am going to the courthouse next week to get information re custody and CS from Family Concilliation Court. Just stay with me, here.

[blindsided1]

ST - today is a better day. It was another night with lack of sleep. This time because there was a car accident behind myself at 12:15am and the commotion went on for over an hour. So, needless to say, I am living on about 4 1/2 hours of sleep. But, so far, I feel better than yesterday.

Tonight I have plans to go to a party for a little while with friends. I'm looking forward to that. But, not staying out too late. I need to rest.

[blindsided1]

Back from the doctor. Baby looks good, still breech. I was having lots of little contractions. They just told me to keep and eye on those contractions. Getting exciting.

Called my Mom and MIL to fill them in (like I always do). No call to H. He can call me if he wants to know how were doing.

Feeling better, can you tell?

[NikB]

Glad everything is looking good!!

[Forrest Gump]

"I know that I don't do things your way. Correct me if I'm wrong, but your way."

That is fine.. I have no issue with that at all. I am going to try and keep you heading down the right path. It is your life. I am just an observer.

"I'm getting really close to having this baby. My emotions (yes, I said the E word) ARE getting the best of me. It's extremely hard to be emotionless right now. Yesterday was a sad day for me. I felt pretty blue, but not horrible. I think it had a lot to do with lack of sleep, no contact with H and hormones. There are days when I feel really strong and refuse to put up with any crap from H. But, I bounce back and forth between those and days like yesterday. "

This is the hard part. I don't expect you to be great every day. If I have to kick you in the butt a little then OK. The thing is we all knew this was coming. Emotions, Hormones, Drama.. you just really have to work hard to pull yourself out of this. I know it seems impossible. If I could make it any easier I would. All I can do is bend your ear a little. You need to concentrate on you. 100%. You need to do things for yourself and get comfortable. Have books by the bed. Ice cream in the fridge. Ice in the ice maker. Anything to keep you busy. Whatever it is you like to do.. have lots of it close at hand. Sleeping is good.. the more of it you can do the easier it will be to handle the up and down swings.

Its hard for me to tell you exactly what to do. As I expect it is for other people posting here. I am not angry or mad.. I just want you to focus on making yourself comfortable.. whatever that means. I am not going anywhere I'll be right here typing my little bursts of info. Seriously.. the time is coming when you are going to need all your strength. I just want you to be prepared. For whatever is coming. Remember you want everything close at hand. Do your best to stop thinking about "Foolish Boy". Maybe take a little lesson from him.. and focus on what makes you happy right now.

[blindsided1]

Aaah - a lesson from him. Hmmm. That would entail being selfish, self-centered, me, me, me. That's what I'm working towards. I'm feeling pretty good right now. Scares me sometimes, feels like the calm before the storm. Re-focus!

[Startingover2]

Focus on that little girl that is coming and get yourself ready mentally and physically. Sounds like a csection is possible so make sure all your help is lined up etc. I agree with the others if H isn't even calling to check on you I would say blow him off until you go into labor and tell him you are on your way or if they schedule a csection tell him when. No more. He isn't standing up and you have too much on your plate to deal with him now.

Keep me posted!!!

[blindsided1]

It's kinda sad. H was really good about coming to the classes. He seemed pretty excited. Now, he's disappeared again. He doesn't check on me and the baby. It's pretty hurtful. Wednesday he is supposed to go with me to do all the pre-admission stuff. I'm not even going to remind him. If it's not important to him, I can't make it important to him. He sucks sometimes. Too wrapped up in his new life, I suppose.

[blindsided1]

Well, I hope everyone had a good weekend. I spent most of the weekend nesting - hardcore. I cleaned both Sat and Sun. I got a lot done, though. H didn't call all weekend. I had talked to MIL earlier on Sunday and then H called later Sunday afternoon. He only called be he had talked to him Mom and she told him that I had been having little contractions. He said "how come you didn't tell me when I talked to you Friday?" I said because I didn't talk to you Friday, I haven't talked to you since our class on Tuesday." Kinda of sad that he doesn't even know that he hasn't talked to me in 5 or 6 days. Back to being insignificant again, I suppose.
He's gone. It's pretty obvious that he has checked out of our M all together. He doesn't contact me or check on me or flirt with me like he did a few short weeks ago. I feel very alone and distant from him. Here we are, about to have a baby and he's completely detached. It's like we don't even exist. Well, at least I don't exist. We talked for a few minutes and he was just off somewhere else, I had to keep repeating myself. Then he said, "let me call you back in a minute". And, of course, did not. He's off in his own world and the baby and I don't seem to be part of that. I just want to stop caring, like he does. I'm tired of hurting and missing him and loving someone who obviously does not love me.

So, that's my Monday morning blues.

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

Oh {{{{{B}}}}}}

Iam so sorry that you are feeling down today. You are hitting a really emotional stage in your pregnancy and I so admire you for keeping things togetehr as well as you have thus far. Do not beat yourself up if you get a little down.

I believ God is capable of working miracles. Is H planning to be with you for delivery? My H says, even in his blue funk, that the births of our children were times he felt incredibly connected to me. Maybe just maybe, Miss Kendall's arrival may be the catalyst he needs to get his head out of his a$$.

SMW

[blindsided1]

H is planning to be with me for the delivery. As of now, it looks like it's going to be a C-section - she's breech. I guess what also is worrying me is that I know being there is really important to him. But, it's important to him because he wants to be there for the baby, not to support ME. I'm very scared about the C-section. Can't help it, surgery does that to me. I need to feel cared about and safe and I worry that H just isn't going to do that for me. Part of me really does not want him there. I can only have 1 person in there with me and I'm afraid that H just won't step up for me. That the only reason he would be there is for him. It's pretty obvious that H doesn't really care about me. He may care about his D eventually, but I'm just an afterthought. I'm really trying not to let this get to me. But, I just feel soooo let down by this whole thing. I feel let down by my H. I feel that I am letting myself down by holding on. I just feel really blue today and pretty pessimistic. I don't see anyway that H will ever change. And, it does piss me off that he has everything that he wants. He gets rewarded for destroying our family and our marriage. It's just unbelieveable to me.

[S.T. _I Made It!]

hey B. there are LOTS of people who care about you. maybe we can't all be THERE with you, but we are in spirit.

Really, stop focusing on what you think your H is feeling. Maybe he's detached from you totally, or maybe the closer you get to delivering this baby, the more scared he's getting of the real problems he's going to be facing. But who knows. just stop focusing on what YOU think he's thinking. you don't know. none of us may know.

The problem when you focus on these things so much is two-fold. One, it causes you to feel bad about yourself and two, it causes you to react to H differently.

Just do what Forest says, and focus on you. Don't be selfish, but focus on the things you need to be the best you that you can be. Keep praying and build your R with Christ.

I'm sorry to hear your baby is still breached. There are lamaze ladies that will do some type of massaging to help the baby position the right way. I will look online about that. I would like to see you deliver w/o the c-section, but either way, your going to have a wonderful baby that is going to be a huge blessing for you.

[S.T. _I Made It!]

Turn Around Time: Techniques For Helping Turn Around A Breech Baby

by Mia Bolaris-Forget (Staff Writer LIWeddings)

Breach Birth according to Wikipedia is: A breech birth (also known as breech presentation) refers to the position of the baby in the uterus such that it will be delivered buttocks first as opposed to the normal head first position. And, this is often associated with some risks for both mother and child., which is why many professionals recommend making an attempt to turn the baby around.

Here are a few ways to help make the turn around

· Take a deep breath: Experts suggest sitting with your eyes closed and taking a breather, literally, practicing relaxation techniques that may encourage the baby to try to turn around on his or her own.

· Take the plunge: Take a few laps in the pool say experts. Not only is this good exercise, but it also helps keep your hips and pelvis loose and the gravity-free zone may help the baby turn.

· Breech tilt: Experts suggest leaning a flat surface on your bed, couch etc and laying on it with your feet elevated and your head toward the floor, with some pillows under your pelvis for about 15 minutes several times each day.

· Practice the pelvic tilt: Pretty much the same concept as above, only “mom” is lying on the floor. Experts suggest putting some ice or bags of frozen veggies on your belly (creating an aversion for your baby) and propping some pillows under your pelvis keeping it tilted in the air.

· Go around in circles: Consider a circular massage while you are in one of the above-mentioned tilt positions. Experts suggest gently applying some lotion and massaging your belly in a circular motion with both hands.

· Bright ideas: Take a flashlight and beginning at the top of your belly, run the light from your tummy to your pelvis. Some experts suggest that the unborn child will follow the light and turn with it. And, they recommend doing this while in one of the tilt positions.

· Stay “in-tune” Experts recommend taking headphones and placing them near your pelvis, some suggesting that the baby, upon hearing the music will be inclined to turn toward it. They recommend classical music for best results.

· Climb the walls: Similar to the tilts, this “exercise” suggests that you lay on your back, with pelvis propped up, and walk your feet up the wall.

· Scentsational ideas: Some suggest flower essences for a host of pregnancy issues including turning a breach baby around. For this they recommend Bougainvilla Essence and following the instructions on the bottle.

· Puslstilla: This is a homeopathic approach often taken to help turn baby around. Experts suggest implementing this method as soon as you find out your baby is breech but caution against using past four weeks from your due date. They also suggest asking your midwife or doula for assistance with this method.

· Make adjustments: Consider a chiropractor asking him or her to perform what is known as a Webster’s Breech Technique. Just make sure your practitioner is qualified and experienced in this area before allowing him or her to work on you. Also, regular chiropractic care will help keep your pelvis open giving the baby more room to move and turn.

· Find your pressure points: Some suggest an acupressure technique know as moxibustion that is uses with heat on a pressure point on your toe. Just remember, that, again, the accupressurist MUST be skilled and qualified especially since placement of the heat is crucial to the technique’s success.

[S.T. _I Made It!]

here's a website to check out.

http://www.birthinternational.com/articles/andrea13.html

also mentions one of the ways described above has a 70% success rate.

[S.T. _I Made It!]

http://www.healthed.govt.nz/uploads/docs/HP3860.pdf

[JennyF]

blindsided,
I've been away for a while...lots has happened that I haven't caught up on, but I want to reply specifically to your post on the C-section.

I was in the exact same boat. A scheduled C section, breech baby, decision whether to have him there or not.

I guess what also is worrying me is that I know being there is really important to him. But, it's important to him because he wants to be there for the baby, not to support ME.

I know this sounds crazy, but try not to take this personally. Just think of Kendall, it is good for HER that he wants to be there. I personally was of the opinion that if I couldn't hold my baby for the first time (because of the surgery), then I thought it should be his father who held him first. For the baby.

I'm very scared about the C-section. Can't help it, surgery does that to me.

I hear you. It was a little different for me because it was my second C-section. Know that it is very routine for the Dr's and you're in good hands.

I need to feel cared about and safe and I worry that H just isn't going to do that for me.

Would anyone else be able to do this for you? If so, then consider it. For me, I knew that no one could actually give me what I wanted in that delivery room. Not H..or my mom...or anyone. I wanted to feel loved as I brought our child into the world. I wanted to feel like a family. But blindsided, no one is going to be able to give you this right now. And the decision to have him there or not have him there won't make a difference as to whether you get it or not. I speak from experience, but not to convince you to have him there. If you don't want to, you shouldn't. Again, that is one reason why I didn't make the firm decision until the night before, I had to base it on how I was emotionally feeling at the time.

Part of me really does not want him there. I can only have 1 person in there with me and I'm afraid that H just won't step up for me.

What do you deam as "step up for me"? Is this is an expectation that he is going to do something for you in that delivery room. I think you're setting yourself up for disappointment. You'll be letting him in in the hopes that he is going to have his epiphany and finally 'step up'...and if he doesn't you'll feel let down again.
But if you drop the expectation and just have him there to take part in the birth of his daughter, then it could be a wonderful experience for you both. Even if it is individual experiences...and not the perfect way you pictured it. Forget that perfect picture...when you see your daughter your picture will perfect. I promise.

That the only reason he would be there is for him. It's pretty obvious that H doesn't really care about me. He may care about his D eventually, but I'm just an afterthought.

There is going to come a point in all of this...especially as the two of you begin to co-parent, that you are going to face this often. What I mean you will have to face, is that it isn't going to be about you, it will now always be about Kendall. So maybe try to think of it that it isn't about him, or you, but about HER.
And STOP putting the negative spins on things that don't warrant it. Why even call yourself an afterthought??? (Sorry...quick 2X4 there!)

I completely understand how you're feeling and how down you are. I know what it's like to feel scared and alone and like your dream has been shattered. I know what it's like to wonder if it is even right to bring a child into this craziness. I know that sounds awful, but it is the truth. I know what is running through your mind and your heart and I wish that I could put my arms around you and take it away. Silly me! I'm sitting here in tears right now as those memories come flooding back to me. I know I know I know. But you can and you will have this baby and be ok. You can and will have surgery and find the strength to support YOURSELF in that operating room. It is in YOU. Accept all of this for what it is right now and the strength will come.

You have gotten yourself this far girl, with flying colours. Be proud of yourself. And know that you are a strong woman who can do this without him. You've done it without him for a long time now, and you continue to do it every day.

I support you whether you choose to have him in the room or not. I personally am glad that H was there. He wasn't my husband in that room, but he was and will always be my son's father.
I love ya!!
J~

[JennyF]

blindsided,
I've been away for a while...lots has happened that I haven't caught up on, but I want to reply specifically to your post on the C-section.

I was in the exact same boat. A scheduled C section, breech baby, decision whether to have him there or not.

I guess what also is worrying me is that I know being there is really important to him. But, it's important to him because he wants to be there for the baby, not to support ME.

I know this sounds crazy, but try not to take this personally. Just think of Kendall, it is good for HER that he wants to be there. I personally was of the opinion that if I couldn't hold my baby for the first time (because of the surgery), then I thought it should be his father who held him first. For the baby.

I'm very scared about the C-section. Can't help it, surgery does that to me.

I hear you. It was a little different for me because it was my second C-section. Know that it is very routine for the Dr's and you're in good hands.

I need to feel cared about and safe and I worry that H just isn't going to do that for me.

Would anyone else be able to do this for you? If so, then consider it. For me, I knew that no one could actually give me what I wanted in that delivery room. Not H..or my mom...or anyone. I wanted to feel loved as I brought our child into the world. I wanted to feel like a family. But blindsided, no one is going to be able to give you this right now. And the decision to have him there or not have him there won't make a difference as to whether you get it or not. I speak from experience, but not to convince you to have him there. If you don't want to, you shouldn't. Again, that is one reason why I didn't make the firm decision until the night before, I had to base it on how I was emotionally feeling at the time.

Part of me really does not want him there. I can only have 1 person in there with me and I'm afraid that H just won't step up for me.

What do you deam as "step up for me"? Is this is an expectation that he is going to do something for you in that delivery room. I think you're setting yourself up for disappointment. You'll be letting him in in the hopes that he is going to have his epiphany and finally 'step up'...and if he doesn't you'll feel let down again.
But if you drop the expectation and just have him there to take part in the birth of his daughter, then it could be a wonderful experience for you both. Even if it is individual experiences...and not the perfect way you pictured it. Forget that perfect picture...when you see your daughter your picture will perfect. I promise.

That the only reason he would be there is for him. It's pretty obvious that H doesn't really care about me. He may care about his D eventually, but I'm just an afterthought.

There is going to come a point in all of this...especially as the two of you begin to co-parent, that you are going to face this often. What I mean you will have to face, is that it isn't going to be about you, it will now always be about Kendall. So maybe try to think of it that it isn't about him, or you, but about HER.
And STOP putting the negative spins on things that don't warrant it. Why even call yourself an afterthought??? (Sorry...quick 2X4 there!)

I completely understand how you're feeling and how down you are. I know what it's like to feel scared and alone and like your dream has been shattered. I know what it's like to wonder if it is even right to bring a child into this craziness. I know that sounds awful, but it is the truth. I know what is running through your mind and your heart and I wish that I could put my arms around you and take it away. Silly me! I'm sitting here in tears right now as those memories come flooding back to me. I know I know I know. But you can and you will have this baby and be ok. You can and will have surgery and find the strength to support YOURSELF in that operating room. It is in YOU. Accept all of this for what it is right now and the strength will come.

You have gotten yourself this far girl, with flying colours. Be proud of yourself. And know that you are a strong woman who can do this without him. You've done it without him for a long time now, and you continue to do it every day.

I support you whether you choose to have him in the room or not. I personally am glad that H was there. He wasn't my husband in that room, but he was and will always be my son's father.
I love ya!!
J~

[blindsided1]

ST - thanks for the information on breech babies. I actually have been doing some of those exercises. Today I go to the doctor, again. WE are supposed to schedule the C-section today. I know that I have a lot of people who love me and I am truly blessed because of that. I'm just very nervous about the birth. It has always been the one part of having a baby that scared the heck out of me. And, yes, I agree that H may be starting to get nervous, as well. I think he knows that Kendall is going to change his life. He isn't really good at handling big life changes. This is usually the time when he starts to act out. So, I wonder how things are going.

[blindsided1]

GM and Jenny - I feel better today. You make some really good points, Jenny. I do want him there, really. I am just hoping the if I start to freak out, he'll have enough compassion to calm me down instead of being totally self involved. That is what I meant by stepping up.

Hope you're doing well. I think of you often. It won't be long now.

[S.T. _I Made It!]

hey guys, I know how you feel about the kids. What is very important though is to release this bitterness that the H is loving the child and not you. I felt this too. It killed me so much. My s9 and I would cry together, probably not the best thing to do, but I never said hurtful things about H, but just that he was confused and that we needed to pray for him.

My point is that we want our children to have the BEST R with their dad's as possible. If we get jealous, or bitter or sad because of the lack of attention/love we are getting, then we are taking away from our children the good R that they are having with their dad. I know this is hard, but the more encouragement we give to our H about their R with their children, the better off things will be. They will be proud of their R with their children and continue trying to be a good dad, and their children will be rewarded for it.

B, I would also agree that if you have the c-section, that whoever said they had their H in the room so the baby could be held by their dad first was good advice IMHO. I never thought of it that way either. BUT, you really do have to let go of all those expectations or you will be let down. Most likely your going to be very involved with the labor (if your not doing the c-section) and you will be very distracted. The biggest thing in labor is to be as relaxed as you can. Don't tense up from the contractions, but try to get something to distract you. I actually had my sis poke my feet with her nails! Having one of those excercise balls was really nice for me too, it helped take some pressure off. I can't remember if I sat on it, or leaned over it, but it helped.

anyways, try not to worry so much about the birth, you will do fine and c-sections are very routine anymore.

[NikB]

(((B)))

Oh my gosh, it's getting so close!! It's hard to believe. I'm excited for you.

Jenny had some amazing words of advice for you (heck Jenny you had ME in tears and I'm not even pregnant or a mom!).

I hope something gets Kendall turned around. My H's cousin actually had her baby naturally when she was breech - I think she was pretty small though, so she may have gotten lucky. I hope you can avoid the surgery, but if not, I hope the C-section will go smoothly. I have faith that it will.

Thinking of you B, glad you're sounding calmer.

[blindsided1]

Thanks everyone. C-section is scheduled for June 19th. The Doctor said that she looks pretty set where she is and probably won't turn, but you never know. Everyone is excited. I'm in panic mode. There is still too much to do and only 2 weeks to do it. I'm excited about seeing her. But, I like knowing she's part of me. H seems excited. He's been more communicative the last couple days. But, still distant. Tonight we are going to the hospital. He wants to take the maternity tour, so I told him I would go with him. I'm refocusing right now. H seems to be the afterthought right now. Kendall and I are the priority. Hope I stay strong. Praying for strength and peace and a healthy delivery with a quick and painless recovery. Wishful thinking.

[kml]

Has the doctor offered you the option of external version? Doesn't always work, but basically involves pushing on your belly to try to make the baby turn around. Don't know if it's appropriate in your case, but I have seen it work in others.

Ellie

[blindsided1]

I did ask about this. She said there is some risk to it and they don't usually do it for a first child. She doesn't think there is enough room. If it were a second or third child there would be more room and then it would be an option.

[blindsided1]

Ok, H is creeping into my head. I think it is because MIL and I were talking about the baby and I was saying that I need to get the daycare sitch solidified and she jokingly said "Well, there's always OW - ha ha ha". I know it was meant as a joke, but it just struck me wrong.

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

I have to be honest--that was not just NOT funny, it was insensitive on your MIL 's part. I am sure she did no mean it to hurt, but still!!!

You are doing great sweetie. Miss Kendall is a lucky little girl to have such a great mommy waiting for her.

SMW

[blindsided1]

No it was NOT funny, in the least. MIL can be a little tactless at times. I often see a lot of her in my H. She's been very supportive, though.

[JennyF]

Hey blindsided....instead of hoping/praying to be strong.....just be thankful for the strength you already have. It is there and you need to recognize it and give yourself more credit for it.
Don't worry that will go away...build on it!!
I felt at times like I was almost afraid to give in and get stronger because it meant being closer to total acceptance. But strength comes in that. When I see you accepting things, that's when I see you at your strongest.

I love it when you said H was an afterthought! Trust me you'll have a lot less time to think about him when Kendall arrives.

I'm glad you have your date booked. I think it helped me that I knew the date S was coming because it gave me something concrete in the midst of so much craziness.
Hope you're feeling well!
J~

[S.T. _I Made It!]

on your tour, remember to ask

if you can have your baby in the room at all times or not (whatever you are wanting).

Once your in there, do they hook you up to iv's and monitoring stuff, or are you able to walk around as necessary, and does it depend on how dilated you are.

tell them your exclusively breast feeding and don't want baby to have sugarwater or anything else.

HINTS:

I don't know if this happens after a c-section, but naturally delivered causes your uterus to shrink back up. Therefore, you will have contractions after delivering. they are not strong, but more like the beginning ones. Plus, breastfeeding will bring these on immediately too. It's really weird. But it's a GOOD thing. Your body is trying to tighten itself back up. Also, if these contractions are stronger than you'd like, (most likely they will not be because this is your first baby) then make sure you have urinated recently. If you have a full bladder, your contractions could be stronger.


that's all this mommy can think of so far. I'm excited for you!!! This will be a wonderful experience. Yes there is pain, but this is a pain and working experience for a wonderful creature that God has placed inside of you. It is a miracle that is going to happen and when you see her face you will forget everything up to that point because she will be so beautiful and you will have so much love in your heart for her.

[JennyF]

I don't know if this happens after a c-section, but naturally delivered causes your uterus to shrink back up. Therefore, you will have contractions after delivering. they are not strong, but more like the beginning ones. Plus, breastfeeding will bring these on immediately too. It's really weird.

Yes...this does happen after a C-section...and I agree ST...it is weird!!
And your milk will be ready within minutes of completing your surgery too...I was breastfeeding in post-op waiting for the feeling to come back in my legs. Really, besides the pain being in 2 different places, a C-section will produce the exact same reactions hormonally in your body that a vaginal birth would.

You will have a hard time getting up and down for the first couple days after a C-section, but then you'll be amazed at how quickly your body recovers. Take it easy and don't over do it. You need to stay healthy!!

I'm going to send you a couple pics of on your e-mail of me right after having my S....hope that's ok.
J~

[blindsided1]

Thanks for the tips. I've been really glad that I took all those classes. Even if I don't remember everything, the more knowledge I have, the better.

H was very sweet last night. It's those times that get me. I think..."why does he have to be an alien 90% of the time and then this guy 10%" It's hard for me to understand why he would throw everything away when it's obvious that we can work things out - at least to me. I was really good, though. I wasn't aloof, but I was definitely not clingy. At one point, I had my back to him and he put his arms around me, his hands on my belly and his head on my shoulder - waiting to feel the baby. It was a very sweet moment. But, I didn't go all crazy over it. I just took it for what it was - a moment. Then it was gone. He was complaining about how broke he is, that he can't even buy gas to get to school. I just listened and didn't offer any advice. So, I wonder.... is OW getting tired of giving him all her money? Too bad, get used to it. It's only gonna get worse.

We talked for a little bit. I said, "well, gotta go". And, he continued to talk some more and then said he had to go. It's funny, sometimes it's almost like a contest, who's gonna say "gotta go" first.

I'm okay today. Baby has totally got my attention and my emotions right now. There are still plenty of moments where I give the attention/emotion to H too much. But, the focus is definitely shifting.

One more day of work and I can relax some and get some things finished around the house. Thank goodness.

I'll check out those pics, Jenny.

[Forrest Gump]

Glad to hear you are doing well today!

[blindsided1]

Missed you Forrest

[Forrest Gump]

Never gone.. Always watching!!

I am really glad you sound happier.

And... Thanks!

[S.T. _I Made It!]

oh, I was going to mention about trying to turn the baby... On one of those links I posted, I read that sometimes there might be a reason why the baby is positioned as she is, if she won't move around.

Glad to hear you were able to handle that good moment, as just as it was. It IS hard to do, but you did it, and it's nice to just live in that good moment.

Just keep being constant, and I really believe your H will be less of the 90% and more of the 10%.

and good job validating his brokeness. You can always encourage too like, "I'm sure you'll figure something out, your a smart guy" or whatever is appropriate.

If YOUR building him up, as opposed to OW who you know is eventually getting tired of his butt- will be complaining about him and AT him, then YOU will be the one he will rather be in company with.

[S.T. _I Made It!]

Your Doing AWESOME!!!!

[blindsided1]

Thanks ST and GM - I'm trying really hard to be calm and rational. It get really hard sometimes. H called yesterday and wanted to know how much I make monthly. I played dumb, like I didn't know why he was asking. He thinks that I am making this enormous amount of money. I kindly reminded him that I am now on disablility and have even less. I know that he is trying to figure out what he is going to have to pay in child support. I just blew off the conversation. I don't want him to think that I am getting my ducks in a row. So, I'm trying to lay low. Then he called me later and asked to borrow money. I just happened to let it go to voicemail, so oops, sorry, couldn't get to the phone and too busy to call you back. What nerve!!! He's trying to figure out some way to pay less child support and then goes and asks to borrow money from me. Even after I told him that I was strugling. Why isn't OW giving him money? Huh? What happened to his cash cow? I think H is getting pretty nervous knowing that all his debt is weighing him down and now he will have CS on top of it. So, we'll see how he behaves. This is when he starts to turn into the biggest jerk in the world. When it comes to money - he doesn't care about anybody or anything - just money. So, I just have to keep reminding myself not to let it hurt me. And, to cover my a$$

[Startingover2]

Hi bs...

You are exactly right about why he was asking you about how much you made. He is panicking about how much he will have to pay. Keep playing dumb.

I totally agree with gabbysmom about the csection. Keep up with the meds. I was feeling ok and skipped a dose and within a couple of hours was in alot of pain. Also, sometimes with a section your milk doesn't come in right away. Don't panic. It will maybe a day or so longer. I guess its something to do with the hormones. Pump if you need to to help stimulate the breasts.

Don't overdo it. I am 10 weeks out now and it was really after 8 weeks that I felt normal again. My body still looks like heck but that will come in time.

You can bet that life isn't rosey with OW...keep doing your thing and watch his life with her crumble.

[Forrest Gump]

"When it comes to money - he doesn't care about anybody or anything - just money."

And with the choices he is making/has made.. what is he about to have a whole lot less of?

I am telling you there is something to letting someone stand on their decisions. The eventually have to become responsible for the ones they are making.

"H called yesterday and wanted to know how much I make monthly. I played dumb, like I didn't know why he was asking. He thinks that I am making this enormous amount of money. I kindly reminded him that I am now on disablility and have even less. I know that he is trying to figure out what he is going to have to pay in child support. I just blew off the conversation. I don't want him to think that I am getting my ducks in a row. So, I'm trying to lay low. Then he called me later and asked to borrow money. I just happened to let it go to voicemail, so oops, sorry, couldn't get to the phone and too busy to call you back. What nerve!!!"

This right here.. Made my day!! Fantastic! Big smile on my face right now.. I hope you can see it from there.

[blindsided1]

SO2 - I've resigned myself to accepting that I need to be patient when it comes to breastfeeding. I know it will be frustrating at first. I would love to KNOW that things aren't good with H and OW, but I will just have to let it be for now.

Forrest, the answer to your first question is: MONEY. However, H DOES NOT take responsibility for anything - EVER. The CS is going to be MY FAULT. He is already gone down that path. His exact words are "I'm going to get screwed with CS if we go to court. You'll get more money than you should and only a part of it will go to our D. The rest will go in your pocket to party with". A$$HOLE!!!!! Yes, I'll be out partying between breastfeeding, pumping, diaper changing, burping, laundry and maybe the occassional sleep period. He sees this as MY fault. Every bit of it. If I had just done this or that, he wouldn't have HAD to leave me. If I just let him buy some diapers and stuff without asking for CS, then I wouldn't be screwing him out of money. I am NOT exaggerating here. I wish I was. I hate knowing that I have a H who is so focused on his own needs and his own wants that nobody else matters. And, when he screws up, he blames it on everyone else. So, for now, just trying to get through the next couple of weeks. I am really on pins and needles though, right now. I have this awful feeling that H is about to do something not so good. I don't like it at all.

[Forrest Gump]

His time is coming.. maybe not when you expect it... but it coming.

If he ever says anything like that again.. Look him dead in the eye.. Smile.. and say "I am not the one that left." Or if you just wanted to be mean.. do all the same thinks.. and say "Sucks to be you."

[kml]

So, for now, just trying to get through the next couple of weeks. I am really on pins and needles though, right now. I have this awful feeling that H is about to do something not so good. I don't like it at all.

Blindsided - is there anybody who could come and stay with you for the next couple of weeks? I wouldn't ignore that funny feeling you have.

Did you ever read The Sociopath Next Door? Some things about your H definitely seem like they could fit the profile. (Although, granted, MOST WASs seem insane in some way during their crisis).

Still - you having this bad feeling about H, him focusing on how he's going to be obligated to pay child support, you vulnerable and all alone in that apartment - gives me the heebie jeebies. Makes me think of those true crime dramas on tv, where the H knocks off the pregnant spouse. Don't let him go Scott Peterson on you.

You should have someone around you anyway, emergencies can happen with pregnant women so close to delivering, so recruit someone to stay with you, or go stay at someone's house.

Ellie

[blindsided1]

FG - I keep waiting for his time to come. He just always seems to slip under the radar and get off easy. But, I truly believe that what goes around, comes around. That goes for OW, too.

Ellie - I'm good. I actually live in the upstairs of my Mom's house. It's a nice big house with security and a big back yard for Kendall to play in. It's the home I grew up in. H and I moved in ther not too long ago to help take over the mortgage when my Dad fell ill. We had planned on being there to get them through the rough time so they wouldn't lose the house. I guess H decided to bail out early. I, for now, am staying. I have help from my Mom and I can't beat the mortgage on a 30 year old house. There is no way I could afford a place on my own right now. With H waffling about his monitary contribution and me being on disability. This is a much better solution until I can get back on my feet and settled with CS and the debt H left me.

As far as the Sociopath comment. You must have read some of my earlier posts. When H walked out, I continued to see our MC on my own. She pointed out the characteristics of a sociopath and had me read up on it. H had 10 of the 15 characteristics. All of which he had PRIOR to him leaving. The Counsellor said that he exhibited those characteristics right away when we were going to MC together. It's pretty scary the things that you dismiss or just don't pay attention to when you are so close to the sitch. Stepping back, I see many things that I hadn't seen before. I don't, by any means, think my H is a lunatic. But, he's often NOT a good person. He can be and he knows the difference. He just chooses to be self serving a lot of the time.

One of the things that I struggle with is the fact that H can be really sweet one day and the next he's a total jerk. It's hard for me to reconcile this in my head. I take it all so very personally. Almost as though he's angry with me or doing it TO ME. But, in reality, I think H reacts to his own issues, most of which have nothing to do with me. I just end up getting the brunt of it because I'm an easy target for him. It's easy for him to be mean to me. He can't be mad at himself because he's not responsible for anything (in his mind). He can't take it out on OW because he can't risk her taking back the money she spends on him or the risk of her kicking him out. So, who's left? ME.

[S.T. _I Made It!]

hey, not much time to post or read, but just wanted to say I'm thinking about you.

good job not giving him the money.

[S.T. _I Made It!]

kml, I think you mentioned the sociopath book last year. or was that someone else???

[S.T. _I Made It!]

"And, when he screws up, he blames it on everyone else. "

I would suggest to try to see what everyone around him normally does when he screws up. Is it all different? the same? what are his reactions to those people and is it different? Why not doing a 180 the next time he screws up and see what happens.

"But, in reality, I think H reacts to his own issues, most of which have nothing to do with me. I just end up getting the brunt of it because I'm an easy target for him."

YES, this is totally right, IMHO. Just try as hard as you can not to let his comments/actions affect you. the outcome will be better. there have been several times where your H was being rude or whatever, and you chose to keep happy and you turned his mood around. You've written this several times, so just keep doing it, it works.

[blindsided1]

Pretty much when he screws up, he blames whoever is involved. It is often his parents or me. WE are the problem, always. His parents just ignore it and try to rationalize with him, but he doesn't ever take accountability. He hasn't talked to them in a while, either. I'm sad again today. I just miss him and I keep begging for it to go away. I'm tired of missing him. I'm tired of loving someone that doesn't love me back. I'm trying to keep busy, but today, for some reason is NOT good. Last night H called breifly. The whole time we were on the phone (5min) he was texting OW. I would have to keep saying "are you still there?" because there were lulls in the conversation - he just wasn't listening - too busy texting while he was talking to me. I don't know what to do about this. Is it okay for me to just say "look, why don't you call me back when you are finished". It is so rude and disrespectful and it hurts to think that he can't go 5 minutes without texting her? WTH? When he is at the hospital and when he comes to the house to see the baby, I think that I am going to insist that he leave his phone in the truck. It's completely rude and totally juvenille. My Mom was saying that she thinks it's a pathology. Literally, and I am not exaggerating, they text about 4000times a month (each of them). That's over 100 text messages a day. What could you possibly have to say in a text? Maybe this is how they communicate. H is terrible at communication and he isn't very good with emotion either. So, maybe he likes communicating this way - it's emotionless. And, lo and behold, he found someone perfect for him that likes it too. Maybe they were meant for each other. They both seem pretty immature and self centered. That doesn't bode well for any kind of reconciliation with me. I'm just not that kind of person. I like to hear the voice of the man I love. Not spend hours on end typing into a little phone. So, maybe it is very possible that he has met the woman of his dreams. Doesn't quite seem fair that he hurt so many people to get her. Doesn't seem very fair that I get to suffer the consequences in pain and hurt and betrayal for his happiness.

[NikB]

(((B)))

Sorry you're having a tough time today.

His parents just ignore it and try to rationalize with him, but he doesn't ever take accountability.

These are two different things - ignoring it is one, trying to rationalize is another. Sounds like neither one works. I'd say the best you can probably do is "act as if" you KNOW it's his fault. You can't make him take accountability, but you can make it clear YOU are not taking accountability, either.

Last night H called breifly. The whole time we were on the phone (5min) he was texting OW. I would have to keep saying "are you still there?" because there were lulls in the conversation - he just wasn't listening - too busy texting while he was talking to me. I don't know what to do about this. Is it okay for me to just say "look, why don't you call me back when you are finished".

1. Don't answer - call back on your terms when you're ready to talk to him.

2. Tell him "sounds like you're busy with something else, talk to you later." and hang up. Then go do something else. Don't be available when he calls back.

When he is at the hospital and when he comes to the house to see the baby, I think that I am going to insist that he leave his phone in the truck.

Totally reasonable, I think.

Maybe they were meant for each other.

So, maybe it is very possible that he has met the woman of his dreams.

All I can say is.. cut it out!!!! Quit dwelling on this stuff.

I'm sorry you're having a tough day. Sounds like time for a break from any contact with H for awhile. It seems to be hurting you and getting you down again.

[blindsided1]

You're right Nik - time for a break from H and contact. I just find it so rude that he does that. he would do it our Lamaze classes and it was all I could do to stop myself from taking his phone and smashing it to little tiny pieces. I am having a bad day, today. I've been trying to keep busy. But, I am just so totally pissed off. He really has not done anything to help me. He built this storage space over the bathtub while I was at work one day. It was so big that it covered the tub and you couldn't use the nice jacuzzi tub we had upstairs in our room. When I got pregnant I asked him to please deconstruct it. "No problem" he said over and over. Finally, last week I just asked my brother to take it down. H asked me if I had installed the car seat, yet. I kindly reminded him that he said he would do it because I didn't think I could do it properly. He said, "why don't you just ask your brother?". So, I guess he doesn't feel any obligation to help with anything for the baby, much less for me. It makes me bitter to know that someone I love and who loved me doesn't give a sh!t anymore. He can't even put money in the account in a timely manner so I can buy groceries. It's times like these that hurt the most. When I realize how little he really cares about my wellbeing. These are the reasons I have a hard time forgiving. I just feel like he is hopeless. Nothing is ever going to make him grow up or put other people first - not unless he's getting something out of it. I think about all the times that I have helped him and taken care of him and he just takes and doesn't give back. I'm tired of giving to him.I'm tired of making his life easy. I'm sick of the fact that he has it so f'ing easy and all the people that put that have been there for him (his parents, me, my family) - we all get crapped on and used and then tossed aside. I'm sorry I'm complaining so much. I'm just feeling extra angry today. I just want to be over him. I just want to not hurt anymore.

[AliSuddenly]

Hi Blindsided,

Dont beat up on yourself, or apologise, you're carrying his baby right now, its no wonder you're not "over him" yet. From what I have seen of a couple of friends of mine and their useless ex's, everything changes once you have a baby, it changes you so much, so I wouldnt be surprised if you feel very differently once your little girl is here. You will feel such a rush of love and protection for her, I dont suppose you will have much respect or love for your H, if he continues to act so selfishly toward you both.

I am thinking of you and wishing you well. I just hope, like everyone, that the birth of his daughter will be some kind of wake up call, but I think its a long shot, from everything you have told us about him!

Ali xxx

[blindsided1]

I hope that these feelings will all go away once Kendall is here. I woke up sad again today. I don't know why I feel so sad, but I do. It just hurts so much that he doesn't feel any need to make sure that I am okay or taken care of. I hate that he is with someone else and living another life. I hate that it has been 7 months and I can't just get over him. I can't just stop loving and missing him. I just want it to go away. I just want to be over him. The nights we went to classes he would be nice and caring and then when I'm out of sight, I'm just out of mind. I don't even exist. My birthday is Thursday and I know he won't even acknowledge it. He's too busy with his new life. It is just really hurting lately. I just feel so unloved and uncared for by my H. It's getting worse and worse. He doesn't even talk about sex with me anymore. I know that's ridiculous, but at least when he did that, I felt like he was still attracted to me and still part of his life. Now, I'm really just nothing. I'm just someone he used to love that is about to have his baby. I just want to be over him. That's what I pray for now.

[Forrest Gump]

It will come to you.. it will. What is going on right now.. is what usually happens.. just keep pushing... your doing great.

Seriously.. I wish I could make it better.. I remember feeling just like you do right now.. It does get better.

[NikB]

I don't even exist.

Really? If you don't exist, who's posting?

(Or are you reading your H's mind, ASSuming this is how he's feeling, and making yourself feel worthless because of this?)

My birthday is Thursday and I know he won't even acknowledge it.

1. No expectations. So you shouldn't EXPECT him to acknowledge it.

2. More assumptions and more negative thinking. Why do this to yourself?

I just feel so unloved and uncared for by my H.

Start loving yourself and caring for yourself. Then you'll feel better. AND you'll be in a healthy place to start a new R with him if he changes his mind. Right now you're still way too needy, desparate, relying on him for your own sense of self worth. Even if he came back, you're not ready.

Now, I'm really just nothing.

Again - really?? If you're nothing and don't exist, who the heck is typing all these posts?

[NikB]

PS...

I just want to be over him. That's what I pray for now.

OK so you're praying for it. What ACTIONS are you taking to help make this happen?

((((B))))

[Startingover2]

I agree..no expectations of your H. Then you won't be disappointed. Easier said than done, I know.

I had a blowup with my H last night and felt a panic when I thought about my little baby not being with me all the time. That is a huge motivator for me now and I will probably turn the other way more often just to keep the peace. I know that is not a solution, but when it comes to my baby I will go the extra mile.

Kendall will be here soon and I promise you will think differently.

[blindsided1]

Thanks. I know that it gets better. But, it gets better for a while and then it comes crashing down again. I just want it to go away. I don't want to hurt over him anymore. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of dwelling. I'm sick of crying. Sometimes I feel like no matter what I do, it just go away. That I just can't truly get over this. Maybe it's my hormones (very likely) or the fact that our baby will be here soon. Whatever it is, it hurts. I have counselling tonight, thank goodness. I just really want my H to love me again and I just can't get that. So, I'm going to go find something to do that doesn't relate to him. I think the other part of the last two days being depressed is because I have been cleaning out some stuff upstairs and came across our wedding stuff, and pictures of our honeymoon. It's hard to look at our pictures and know we were happy and realize that in a very short time, he can just forget that we were once there. We loved each other and we planned our life together. Then he gave up and left and planned a new life with someone else. And, here I am just trying to pick up the pieces of my broken heart, my broken marriage and my broken family - all by myself. And all the while, about to give birth to a new life that I am responsible for and Mommy can't even get her life together. I'm just feeling overwhelmed.

[AliSuddenly]

Ok, DBing says no expectations, but your pregnant for gods sake! Its only natural, its a primeval instinct, you expect your mate to be there, to love you and provide for the baby, its your DNA kicking in, you're not a panda (the female b*ggers off and raises the baby by herself, male not required). So please stop apologising and beating yourself up. Its way way too early to try and lose your expectations and your feelings and doing things for you and all that stuff. You are vunerable right now and had a raelly sh*tty card dealt to you by life... you got pregnant, THEN your partner left. Its cruel and unfair and we all feel for you.

I'm so glad you have C tonight, I was going to ask when you had it next. Just look after yourself. If you want to feel down and hurt, go ahead. You will be too busy and tired to when the baby comes, but I hope you will be getting a lot of family support at least when she does, even if you're H cant. I know he will regret this, how can he not? My Uncle did, he left my Auntie for an OW when pregnant. He has spent the rest of his life regretting it. Dont think he is happy and skippy in his new life. Somewhere deep (very deep!?) inside him is a little voice telling him that what he has done is wrong, very wrong.

My auntie went through hell by the way, it took her 2 years and some Prozac to get over it. But then she met a wonderful man, who she has been with for 20 years and he has treated her like a Princess.
Ali xxx

[NikB]

Ok, DBing says no expectations, but your pregnant for gods sake! <snip> Its way way too early to try and lose your expectations and your feelings and doing things for you and all that stuff.

Ali - I totally understand what you're saying. The thing is, every time you have expectations, you set yourself up to get hurt even worse. Losing the expectations is so critical. When you learn to expect absolutely nothing beyond what the law requires, you allow yourself to hurt LESS. And, when good things DO happen, you can appreciate them more.

B is already spending her Monday upset about her H not doing anything for her birthday - which hasn't even happened yet! Don't expect the best - OR the worst. Expect nothing. Then if you get something, cool. If you don't - oh well. I know it's easier said than done, but the only thing that seemed to work for me was practice. If you (meaning you in general, not you specifically ) constantly work on catching yourself having expectations and then DROP them, it becomes easier and easier over time.

Losing the feelings - well, that's a whole other story and I agree, it's probably too early for that. I think it happens very slowly over time. I know that even though I was able to detach pretty well and not let them effect me so much, I never lost a lot of those feelings while H and I were separated.

Its cruel and unfair and we all feel for you.

Totally agreed!!

And, here I am just trying to pick up the pieces of my broken heart, my broken marriage and my broken family - all by myself.

B - this is where a support system of friends/family is so critical. You can't do it with H, but you sure don't have to do everything all by yourself. We're all here for you, and I know you have people in your "real" life that are too.

[quote]I'm just feeling overwhelmed. [/b]

I bet this is totally normal for ALL new moms/"about to be" moms. And that much moreso given your sitch. Do you have other pregnant women that you've become friends with? Or new moms? I was thinking talking to them about the "overwhelmed" stuff might be helpful.

((((B)))))

Glad you have C tonight - hope that it goes well.

[blindsided1]

Well, this sucky day is almost over - thank goodness. It has not been a good day emotionally for me. I feel like everything is coming back from the start. It's like I am reliving the whole walk out again and again. I went to C and she didn't help at all. I need to get my head on straight and I'm just not doing that very well. My H is and a$$hole. We are about to have a baby and he couldn't give a rats a$$ how I am doing/feeling. He can't even check up on me or see if I need help with anything. I hate his guts. I hate him. Just let me get the F over him. He isn't worth this pain or anger or hurt. It's just not worth it. I feel ashamed that I married someone who could be this cold hearted and uncaring. How could I have been so stupid?

[Forrest Gump]

You.. what am I going to do with you.

I wish I knew your name... it seems.. either you have not posted it.. or I missed it.

If you have not posted it.. please don't.. until you are ready. If I missed it.. can you please restate it.

B.. you are doing great. I knew this time was coming. I have been here.. where you are twice. Oh.. the stuff he is missing out on. This really is the stuff that changes a man. He will miss this. If he moves on.. or stays.

I told you.. it takes a special kind of person.. to move on like this. I can see your side.. the hurt.. the distance. You will hold onto this for a long time to come.

I don't want you too. Let it go.. the best you can.. let it go. I see you moving toward the one thing you fought when I first started posting. It does not feel right.. Everything about you fights it. All that is important.. is what you do. What makes it best for you and yours.

You have worked hard for this.. if all that come of it is the thing you have wanted for so long.. hold that close.

Now.. more than ever.. is time. Get stuff ready. Check it and make sure it is ready. Triple check it if you need to. Focus on you. Stupid.. will just need to catch up. Leave it behind.

I am hurting for you. This crap.. sucks. Somehow.. Someway.. you have to step out.

Look.. you need help.. post it here. You just talk about it all you want. Get it out.

I want the best for you.. please.. please.. Let it go.. the best that you can.

[Forrest Gump]

Well.. I see we cross posted. And there you are.

[blindsided1]

I'm really trying to let go. I just want him to not mean so much to me anymore. It hurts to much to love and care for him still. I don't know how to let it go. If I did, I would. Most definitely. He called tonight and right in the middle of me crying. Figures. I should not have answered the phone. He was all giddy and in a good mood and I was not. He asked me why I was so cranky and I just let him have it. I told him that I was tired of doing everything and he could just dismiss us and go off and play. I told him that I felt overwhelmed and was angry that he wasn't helping me with anything. It just all came out. Then I caught myself and I back tracked. I apologized for unleashing on him. I just talked it up to being tired and scared and nervous. I told him that I seriously needed someone in the C-section with me that was there for ME, to help me through it. And, if he didn't think he could do that, then I would like to have my Mother instead. He said, "what? Do you really think I would be a prick in that situation? I know that every other doctor's appointment I'm a jerk, but I wouldn't do that during the surgery." We'll see. I calmed down, dried my eyes and we talked some. I hate that he's happy. It's not fair. Then he tells me that he decided that instead of taking time off of work while I am in the hospital those 4 days, that he is going to take the week off when I come home. He says that it's because I'll have a lot of people there to help me while I'm in the hospital and then he can help me when I come home. Then the kicker, he says "I wasn't actually the one who came up with that plan." I said "Who did, your Mother?". He said "No, OW." I got silent. I was pissed off. I said "Why would you tell me that?" He said " Well, for one thing, she was thinking about you." Give me a f'ing break!!!! I lost it. I said "Really? Was she thinking about me while she was f'ing my H? Don't tell me that she was thinking of me that's utter BS! What do you expect of me? Do you expect I'm just supposed to say oh how nice of her to think of my wellbeing. We should all be friends. I'm sorry but because of her and you, my family is destroyed. So, stop shoving her down my throat." I know that I should not have gone there. I'm sorry. That was mean of him to say that. He could have just NOT gone there. He didn't have to say it was her suggestion. He thinks that we can all just be friends and I kindly pointed out that things don't work like that exactly. He hurt a lot of people and it's not going to just magically be all happy and go his way. I can't even believe that she is soooooo confident in her R with him that she is suggesting that he come help me at home that first week. I was talking to my Mom about it and she said that it's not all that atypical for that to happen. She thinks that OW primary goal is to get H to marry her so she needs to be perfect and unanimous. But, in no way does she really want H to be here. I don't know. Could she be that perfect? Is it possible that she is happy and confident and content in her R with H that she doesn't fear or find me a threat in any way? I hate her.

Anyway, I just stopped the ranting and told him that she in NOT part of my life and I would appreciate it if he would leave her out of this. I understand that she is part of his life, but she isn't part of mine and I don't have to like her. Topic changed. We talked about non R things. Then he started texting while I was on the phone and I asked him to please stop texting while he was talking to me. Then I just said I have to go now. And, he said goodbye. "Goodbye".

He's in a world of his own. He thinks that everyone should just accept that this is what he's done and be okay with it. F him. I'm not okay with it.

[JennyF]

I feel like everything is coming back from the start. It's like I am reliving the whole walk out again and again.

You do relive it blindsided. Over and over and over again you relive it. You type the hurt and the unfairness and the obsurdity over and over and over again.
You want it to be over....but you're not accepting it.
You want the instant fix, for it to be ok right now. But you're not accepting the present moment as your reality. Only you can decide when this craziness ends.

I would say that a lot of what is going on with you is hormones and nerves. Your going to be a mommy for the first time and that is scary no matter what the sitch.

I hate that he's happy. It's not fair.

How many times does Nik B have to tell you that you are making assumptions?? He thinks he's happy. So let him.

blindsided, you have to accept all of those hateful things about your H right now. Not because they're right, but because they're reality. He is so self absorbed that nothing is clear to him right now. My health was at risk my whole pregnancy, I lost 10 lbs in the last 5 weeks of my pregnancy when H left. Neither my health or that of our son meant enough for him to reconsider. Fair??? Nope. But reality. Sickening?? You bet.

I know that this is where you vent and let it all out. We all need that, especially you right now givent the sitch.

He's in a world of his own. He thinks that everyone should just accept that this is what he's done and be okay with it. F him. I'm not okay with it.

I could have written the same thing about my H. But you don't have to be ok with it to accept it. You can't change it. If you're tired of dwelling, then just stop. ACCEPT IT.
I'm sorry to say this, but I think you're at the point where your H isn't the cause of your pain anymore....he did this yes. But you are allowing it to fester in you and grow but continuing to repeat the same things over and over again.
You MUST stop calling yourself 'a nothing' and putting yourself down. You don't even exist??? Come on. Who gives a flying F#@% what your H thinks right now....what YOU think about yourself matters. And you believe these things because your self worth is tied up in whether your H loves you and is with you or not.
STOP looking for him to do things different. STOP. Do things different yourself. Only YOU can change this. Only YOU can change this to be better for yourself.
I know your next question will be, How? How when it is all so unfair and you had planned a life together and this isn't right and OW is this and that and how could he do this to you and to your child and blah blah blah. None of that can or will have an impact to change this. You can only change it by accepting it.
Accept it right now. This minute. You only have to be ok right now, and then when the next minute comes along, be ok with that one. It won't be an instant fix. You will still love him and miss him have all those feelings. Accept those feelings for what they are, natural. But you're unhappy about being unhappy. You're compounding your unhappiness. Have those feelings and let them subside. Don't let them grow by going on about it. Break your cycle.

I'm really trying to let go. I just want him to not mean so much to me anymore. It hurts to much to love and care for him still. I don't know how to let it go. If I did, I would. Most definitely.

You think that the 'how' means that there is a solution that will make you stop loving him and make the hurt go away. There isn't. I wish there was. Don't try to let go. Just accept it. It won't go away, but you can stop making it worse for yourself. And then time will help take care of the rest. A lot of time.
Talk about not having unrealistic expectations?? Don't have them of yourself. You will not be over this quickly. It's not possible especially given the circumstances.

This is an oldie but a goodie...and I think it really rings true. (sorry if I haven't quoted it exactly).
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."

You can only change yourself and the way you see this whole thing. You have 9 days to go...don't have unrealistic expectations of yourself. Accept each minute of each day for what it is.
I'm sorry I've babbled on and on.
I so wish that I could give you a big hug!
J~

[NikB]

Jenny - so well said!!

Only you can decide when this craziness ends.

I hope you make this decision soon B. It makes me so sad to see you staying in the "muck" as much as you do.

(((B)))

Oh.. and... I'm glad you said what you did about OW coming up with the "plan." My sitch was different but my H did the "let's all be friends" thing too and it will tear you apart, so good for you calling him on it.

He called tonight and right in the middle of me crying. Figures.

First you're mad at him for not calling, then you're upset with him for the timing??

Hope you make it a much better day today. Can't believe Kendall will be here so soon!!

[S.T. _I Made It!]

"I'm sorry to say this, but I think you're at the point where your H isn't the cause of your pain anymore....he did this yes. But you are allowing it to fester in you and grow but continuing to repeat the same things over and over again. "


I'm sorry B, but I really believe this as well.

And everything that NikB said is right. stop telling yourself you are nothing. it is not H that gives you your worth, it is really God and you. Our words are SO powerful. Start telling yourself everyday that you are valuable. write a list about what makes you valuable and say them outloud every day. Write down the things you are thankful for and say them everyday.

I'm going to read a book called "Hung by the Tongue". I heard the author speak and it was so eye opening for me. And what I learned from that convention is what you are experiencing. You keep saying how aweful your H is, and how he doesn't care or love you, and all these things you speak and focus on and we see you going down this road over and over and this is why you are still where you are.

I know that being P has a big reason, and it's also going to be your personality too. Some people are able to really grab hold and take the challenge and get it done, while others have a harder time doing so, and may take longer. I DO believe that you are going to learn and get over this because you are here. But you are causing yourself to be that latter person. Why don't you start seeing yourself as that first person and just start acting and stop dwelling.

I really believe you need to accept your H as gone...maybe you should just accept him as gone for good, because as nikb said, you are NOT ready for him to come back even if he did so. And if it means believing him gone for good in order for you to get past this, then just DO IT. If you want any chance at reconciling you HAVE to get over this.

We know you've had good times, so what were you doing differently when you were feeling better? You have to figure out what works for you, and what will NOT work is you trying to make yourself get over him. stop trying to stop dwelling on him, because it will only cause you to dwell on it more. Use distraction. Use positivity. Use distance if you need. You have 9 days to distance yourself if you need it and if it will help.

We all believe in you. (((B)))

[Startingover2]

H is contstantly hurting you with your conversations with him. You have too much going on and need to put up a barrier from him to stay sane. Your H is not remotely interested in you right now and probably not even really interested in the baby either. I hate to sound harsh but I think he is going thru the motions with the baby stuff because he feels he has to. Otherwise he would be more involved.

If I were you I would not have anymore contact until you have your section. Things are getting close and you need to be mentally prepared and H is just dragging you down. He is not going to step up in the next 9 days so don't keep holding your breath.

Maybe change your mindset that you are going to raise this beautiful girl on your own and H will just be a visitor. I would be really surprised if H followed through on visitation etc in the long run. I am sure he will love Kendall but he knows what a schmuck he is and a baby is going to severely tie him down from his play time.

I remember when H was with OW during the pregnancy and I wished he would disappear. Life would have been alot easier that way given the way he was acting. To me, if he isn't going to step up as a dad then its best to fade into the woodwork.

Hang in there.

[Startingover2]

H is contstantly hurting you with your conversations with him. You have too much going on and need to put up a barrier from him to stay sane. Your H is not remotely interested in you right now and probably not even really interested in the baby either. I hate to sound harsh but I think he is going thru the motions with the baby stuff because he feels he has to. Otherwise he would be more involved.

If I were you I would not have anymore contact until you have your section. Things are getting close and you need to be mentally prepared and H is just dragging you down. He is not going to step up in the next 9 days so don't keep holding your breath.

Maybe change your mindset that you are going to raise this beautiful girl on your own and H will just be a visitor. I would be really surprised if H followed through on visitation etc in the long run. I am sure he will love Kendall but he knows what a schmuck he is and a baby is going to severely tie him down from his play time.

I remember when H was with OW during the pregnancy and I wished he would disappear. Life would have been alot easier that way given the way he was acting. To me, if he isn't going to step up as a dad then its best to fade into the woodwork.

Hang in there.

[blindsided1]

I needed a swift kick in the ass. Thanks. I know that I am doing a lot of this to myself. But, H comments about OW and how she's "thinking of me" totally made me want to reach through the phone and rip his cold little heart out.

I feel sad. I feel angry that he doesn't have to suffer for anything. I'm trying to get a grip on myself. I don't know why I feel so low right now. Maybe it's because I'm home and have extra time to dwell on the sitch. Maybe it's because I'm angry that H acts all happy in his new life and I am not. Maybe I'm jealous that he got what he wanted from someone else and I got a lot of pain and hurt and anger because of it.

I'm not sorry I said what I did about OW. I know it's not the best DB'ing. But, sometimes I get sick of taking it and swallowing it and dealing with his F'd up decisions. He wants us all to be one big happy family. Is he on crack? That woman contributed to the destruction of my family and my M. Why does he think that I should be okay with this? He f'd up our life. He did it. I'm just feeling the hurt again. I wish I could pull myself out of it quickly. It's just harder this time.

[NikB]

But, H comments about OW and how she's "thinking of me" totally made me want to reach through the phone and rip his cold little heart out.

Oh believe me, I know the feeling really well. It's common for them to want to "show" you how great thw OP is. Barf. Hopefully your comments will make him cut it out for awhile.

I feel angry that he doesn't have to suffer for anything.

You feel angry - that is true.

Him not suffering is another untrue assumption. Stop.

I'm just feeling the hurt again. I wish I could pull myself out of it quickly. It's just harder this time.

I think you're MAKING it harder on yourself this time. Maybe just the hormones? Or maybe stress/nerves about the baby coming and you're associating all that with your H's actions? I don't know... probably a combination. Please be careful though, you seem to be getting almost comfortable in the "poor me my H ruined my life" role. You start to get out of it and it's almost like you panic and run back to it. It's not uncommon but if that's the case, you've got to find ways to break the cycle and learn to be "OK with being OK" if that makes sense.

I saw this really good article that Oldtimer posted to Donna's thread in Surviving:
http://www.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/personal/06/03/o.awful.shut.up/index.html?iref=mpstoryview

Any of it ring true for you at all? A LOT of it did for me, and it made me really think. Hope it's helpful for you too.

[kml]

You know what? Talk to your doctor. I'm sure they can bend the rules to allow both your mom and your H in the delivery room if you explain the circumstances to them.

I would be tempted to say keep H out of the room, but I'm afraid it would make you look bad in court. So let him be there to see his baby be born, but have your mom there for you, as you cannot count on H.

I think you were perfectly justified in what you said about OW and it was perfectly put.

Ellie

[NikB]

Great point Ellie - good idea.

[JennyF]

I wished I could have had them both in the room...they wouldn't allow it for me. But it's worth asking. The worst they can say is no. In the end I'm glad it was the way it was anyway.

Please be careful though, you seem to be getting almost comfortable in the "poor me my H ruined my life" role.

I've been thinking about this all day since I last posted to you. NikB said it well....I was just going to say stop it with the pity parties. I mean we all need them now and then, but you're existing in one.

You just said....I need a swift kick in the ass....

I needed a swift kick in the ass. Thanks. I know that I am doing a lot of this to myself. But,

Why but? The but is a given. The but goes with out saying. We all know about the but. Stop repeating the but!!!
The rest of your post you totally brushed off the kick in the ass and continued with it...I can totally see how you build it up yourself...

I feel sad. I feel angry that he doesn't have to suffer for anything. I'm trying to get a grip on myself. I don't know why I feel so low right now. Maybe it's because I'm home and have extra time to dwell on the sitch.

OK...with the exception of the 'H isn't suffering thing' you had me up until this point.

Then you just took that kindling and flamed it into a roaring fire...

Maybe it's because I'm angry that H acts all happy in his new life and I am not. Maybe I'm jealous that he got what he wanted from someone else and I got a lot of pain and hurt and anger because of it.

When are you going to stop this? When are you going to stop saying that he is happy and got what he wanted. He has reduced himself to a lowlife who left his wife when she was pregnant for a woman he barely knows...do you really think that he is ok inside?

I'm not sorry I said what I did about OW. I know it's not the best DB'ing. But, sometimes I get sick of taking it and swallowing it and dealing with his F'd up decisions. He wants us all to be one big happy family. Is he on crack?

Again...ok, you're stating the facts and how you feel about it...then more fanning of the flame...

That woman contributed to the destruction of my family and my M. Why does he think that I should be okay with this? He f'd up our life. He did it. I'm just feeling the hurt again.

Do you know how many times you said you're angry and hurt??

1.I feel sad.
2. I feel angry
3. I feel so low right now
4. Maybe it's because I'm angry
5. I got a lot of pain and hurt and anger
6. I'm just feeling the hurt again.

I'm sorry to disect your entire post this way, but you have to see that THIS is how you are doing it to yourself.
You are entitled to these feelings and you are certainly entitled to express them, especially here of all places. But you go on and on until you've made it sound as bad as you possibly can at that moment.
If this is what you're doing here...what must you be doing at home all day? I know what that's like and I know how hard it is to break this cycle.
But start by breaking it here. How can you possibly feel better after just posting all that? Before you send a post read it and see what you just did. Did you get something off your chest or did you reiterate and elaborate on all the sordid details and feelings.
You get yourself all riled up just by recapping all the hurt and pain AGAIN.
In reference to 'that book' I've been reading...this is your Pain Body...and you are feeding it and making it grow stronger.

I wish I could pull myself out of it quickly. It's just harder this time.

Do you really want to pull yourself out of this? If so, you need to start to listen to all of the good advice you've been given and start to make changes. Start with your posting...if you finish a post feeling more 'hurt and angry' than when you started it then this is NOT productive for you!!!

I had been on these boards for all of a week when SG asked me to come by your thread and post to you. Our sitch's were so similar, I had just had my baby and you were just getting started. I feel like we have a bond and like we've seen eachother through a LOT of ups and downs. I feel as though we are friends and I care about you a lot. So please know that all of this is meant from my heart and I am not trying not to be more hurtful at a time when I know you can't take any more. And you certainly don't deserve any more.
I just know that you are going to have a renewed sense of being next week when they put that little girl in your arms. Your focus will change, trust me.
But please, STOP THE PITY PARTIES! STOP STOP STOP!
Don't just take the kick in the ass and then do it again. Otherwise I suspect you may keep getting kicked in the ass!
I love ya!
J~

[Startingover2]

Try looking at your H for the pitiful man he is. Yuck. You don't need another child and that is what he is.
*Typing with one hand! See! Once Kendall comes you wont have time to think of H.

[S.T. _I Made It!]

"*Typing with one hand!"

wow, so true. even when they are 3. lol

everyone here is speaking truth. This is why I say you need to start making lists. make lists of good things. you've got to focus on this. Paul said it best "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things." Phillipians 4:8

God knows we are/were hurting. But it is also up to us to do what he has told us to break free from that hurt. This can be a learning experience for you, or a life-breaking experience.

Here's another way to think about it.

You said

Maybe it's because I'm angry that H acts all happy in his new life and I am not. Maybe I'm jealous that he got what he wanted from someone else and I got a lot of pain and hurt and anger because of it.

This is EXACTLY what YOUR suppose to do not H. Act happy in your new life and H will be the one jealous. Your giving HIM the control by allowing this.

One thing that I will say in defense of your H, is that I think he's actually giving a lot to this pregnancy given the circumstance. Maybe I didn't get much in either of my pregnancies so I can only compare it to mine. But even when my H WAS M to me, he didn't give as much time to the preg as your H has. I don't know if your H has had ulterior motives, but I think that there IS part of him that is wanting to be a part of this and trying.

Another thing is...if I remember right, your mom has been pretty good about H. meaning, she hasn't been like NikB's mom (sorry nik to point your mom out) where she would only say bad things about H, like ALL the time. If your mom would be comfortable and not be judgemental or critical of H then I think it could work with them being together, otherwise I would say, you better choose one or the other.

Have you asked H if HE wants to be there? (the birth) just wondering. that way you could ask and say... H, are you excited about attending the birth? (If he is hesitant or says I don't know, then you could say) Oh, well, my mom would really like to be there, but as you know I can only have 1 person, so if you'd feel more comfortable not being there, I can have my mom go.

[blindsided1]

Pity party over. I kicked all the guests out. That is not to say that I don't feel sad. The article you attached Nik, hit home. I wallow in my self pity because I think that if I address it and feel really bad, I can't feel any worse and the only way to go is up. The last thing I want to do is lose the friends I have met here because all I do is complain. It was just a low low last few days and I was hurting and felt that I needed to beat myself up. Maybe I need to learn to forgive myself for not being the person my H wanted. I think that even though that isn't exactly the truth, I think he would have done this even if I were perfect. I blame myself, really, more than I blame my H for this. I'm a good person and I know that I love him. So, I figure "what's wrong with me" that he doesn't love me back? I just wanted him to see what a mistake it was for him to leave us. That we could be happy. Instead, he just made himself happy somewhere else.

There are times when my H is very involved and interested in this pregnancy. There are times when he just ISN'T. I miss the way he used to hold my stomach, after each fertility round and say into it "is my baby in there? I can't wait to start our family." I miss being the person he turned to when he needed a friend or advice or help with something. I know it's a natural progression to let go of those things. I just miss being needed by him.

But, you are all right. I live in that place of pity. It must be comfortable for me. I've been there so many times that it feels natural to go there even though it hurts more than anything. So, I am making an effort to really stop going there or at least minimize the time I spend there.

Everyone here has been wonderful to me and put up with a lot of my whining and crying and complaining. I feel that I have been pretty strong, at times. But, then there are those times that just knock me on my ass.

I did have a conversation with H about being in the C-section with me. I told him that I was NOT trying to punish him, but I needed to have someone in there that was there for ME. If he couldn't do that, then I would prefer if my Mother were there. He could still come and cut the cord, but I really needed someone who was going to hold my hand and get me through it. He said that all these years we have been together, he has always been there for me for all the hard stuff: My Dad dying, my Step-dad collapsing, etc. Of course, he is there for me. So, for now, he is still going to be there. I just hope he lives up to his end. If he doesn't, at least the surgery is quick and will be over fast. I'll manage.

Yes H has always been there to get me through the tough stuff. What sucks is that this has been the hardest, most painful, hurtful thing that I have ever had to go through in my life and instead of getting me through it, he CAUSED it. It's just one more betrayal by the man I love. It's very hard to get over being betrayed like this and in so many ways. But, I know I have to in order to get through this. So, new day, new plan.

[Startingover2]

((((Blindsided))))

You sound much better today and I think you are right about you being perfect and he still would have done this. Its about him not being content with who HE is. Always searching for something better because he feels like crap about himself. A counselor told me this when H and I were still married and having issues. He felt H was so miserable within himself that instead of looking in the mirror at himself he blamed me. Then when H left in search of greener pastures thinking that was the answer he fell hard. He never admitted it, but his life was no bed of roses.

Keep you chin up. Kendall is coming really soon! Treat yourself to bubble baths as you can't do that for quite a few weeks post csection!

[NikB]

Pity party over. I kicked all the guests out.

Yay!!! I am totally singing that "na na na na, hey hey hey, goodbye" song in my head right now.

That is not to say that I don't feel sad.

Of course you do, sometimes. I bet you also feel happy, excited, optimistic, and a whole range of other emotions too, sometimes. Focus on the good ones and the bad ones will fade more and more.

Oh yeah - and SHARE those happy emotions here. "Dwelling" on those will help them multiply just like dwelling on the bad stuff just piles on more bad stuff.

The last thing I want to do is lose the friends I have met here because all I do is complain.

Heck no!! You can't get rid of us that easy.

I meant to comment on that when I posted the article - that wasn't my intent AT ALL. That was my first reaction to the article too. Took me a couple readings to realize that wasn't the point.

Maybe I need to learn to forgive myself for not being the person my H wanted. I think that even though that isn't exactly the truth, I think he would have done this even if I were perfect. I blame myself, really, more than I blame my H for this. I'm a good person and I know that I love him. So, I figure "what's wrong with me" that he doesn't love me back?

No one is perfect - and who knows what might have happened if the M was different. Maybe he'd have done something like this, maybe not. If so, it wasn't a very happy/healthy M to begin with. But that's ALL in the past.

The future - you're right, I absolutely think you need to forgive yourself. Not for not being the person your H wanted - that doesn't make sense. You should be YOURSELF. And your H should be free to be HIMSELF (not just "what B wanted"). So forgive yourself for not being perfect instead. We're all human and no one is perfect.

((((B)))))

Instead, he just made himself happy somewhere else.

QUIT READING HIS MIND AND MAKING ASSUMPTIONS!!!!!!!!

I live in that place of pity. It must be comfortable for me. I've been there so many times that it feels natural to go there even though it hurts more than anything. So, I am making an effort to really stop going there or at least minimize the time I spend there.

Good plan!!

Have you ever followed DonnaFound's posts? (used to be LostDonna) She reminds me a lot of you in this aspect. She's a lot more "comfortable" there - moreso than anyone else I've seen on the boards really. She's done a lot of work to get through that, but I know it's been a long road. She posts in Surviving now, if you're ever interested in reading her story.

What specific things are you going to do to minimize the time you spend there (besides of course the obvious of having Kendall!)?

[JennyF]

That was a FANTASTIC article NikB!!!

Blindsided....I too am glad that part has ended. You might be a little hungover for a while...but it will get easier!
I look forward to spending the next week getting you pumped up and EXCITED for Kendall's arrival!

Is her room ready? What colour is it? Have you done any pre-cooking? It's always a good idea to have a lasagna or two in the freezer for the first couple weeks. Especially after a C-section. That would help keep you busy too!

YEAHHH!!! You're going to be Mommy!!!
J~

[blindsided1]

Yeah, I'm gonna be a Mommy. I had a dream last night about her birth. I went to the hospital and the Dr. pulled her out by her feet in a split second. No C-section, no pain. I did say it was a dream, right? That was the first time I dreamt about her birth. Her room is ready. I have some things to clean still, but don't I always? I didn't think about the pre-cooking. Good point, Jenny.

SO2 - you are sooo right about H always looking for the next thing. Whether it is a love R, friendship, or job. He is always looking for the next thing. I think that during whatever type of R he is having, there is a point where he "tries" to be content. But, that usually doesn't last long. So, in that respect I feel sad for my H. I don't think he will truly ever find what he needs because he is always too busy looking elsewhere. Maybe one day he will come to some sort of realization that his happiness has always been here, with us and he quit before he figured that out. So, we'll see.

[NikB]

Now THAT would be one nice birth experience B!

What's her room look like?

Good idea Jenny on pre-cooking some food.

B - I agree the cooking sounds like a good distraction. If it's a little TOO much work right now and you have the funds, you could also do the "pre-assembled" dinners. You can go in and assemble them yourself and it's pretty fun. It reminded me of being a TV chef where everything is already purchased, chopped, and waiting for you. You just measure/package it up, and a cleanup crew comes in behind you.

The one I've tried is local but I'm thinking of something like this:
http://www.dinnermyway.com
http://dreamdinners.com

If neither of those have a location near you, there's a nice complete list from multiple companies here:
http://www.easymealprep.com/main/direct02.php

Most of these will also package it up for you if you want, but I think it's much more fun to DIY. Maybe some friends or your Mom would go with you?

[Forrest Gump]

Blindsided1...

What is a DAM supposed to say?

I know.. this is not my time to talk.

All I want to say is.. I have a clock.

When I look at it.. all I see.. is you smiling.

I am to.

[S.T. _I Made It!]

hey B, just checkin in. glad you are starting to see some light. We all know it's hard, but we all know that you can do this. We are all in this together.

Have a good evening

[Startingover2]

The countdown is on!!

So excited for you.

[NikB]

(((B)))

How are you today?

Enjoying the "baby's almost here!" party??? (much funner than that other party ).

[blindsided1]

Hello all. Today is okay. I'm having a little bit of a difficult time, it's my birthday. The big 4-0 and I haven't heard from H, at all. I suspect that I won't. Everyone keeps telling me not to let it ruin my day. But, how do you do that? I'm just trying to stay busy and look forward to spending time with my friends. But, what I really want is to spend time with my H. That's just not going to happen though. It just makes me sad. So, I'm trying not to have any expectations. But, how do you that? Just wanted to check in. I'll check in a little later, maybe. Hopefully, my mood will be better. The baby is one week away. I just need to focus on that.

[Startingover2]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

[NikB]

Happy Birthday!!!!

But, how do you do that?

At the risk of sounding like a Nike ad.. Just Do It. Make the decision that you're going to have a great day, then do what it takes to make it one!

What are you going to do that's fun today?
Can you go out to a favorite restaurant, maybe check out a good comedy movie??
Treat yourself to getting a manicure, pedicure, and/or massage maybe?

What things do you like to do? What relaxes you? What do you have fun with? I honestly don't remember if you've ever shared any of that here.

[JennyF]

I hope you are having a wonderful birthday!

NikB you took the words right out of my mouth! Just do it!

blindsided I think you keep looking for some 'how to' manual on not having expectations and staying positive. NikB's right...you just make the decision and then take the appropriate actions.

I hope you found some fun things to keep your mind moving the right direction today!

Hey, I just thought of something!! You and Kendall will always have birthday's exactly one week apart! How cool is that?
J~

[NikB]

B - how was your birthday?? Did you make it a great day? I sure hope so.

Jenny - if any of us figures out that manual, we'll be very rich.

[blindsided1]

Hello all - been exciting the last couple of days. My Birthday was nice. H called multiple times during the day to wish me a Happy Birthday. I didn't get to see him yesterday which made me a little sad last night. It's hard knowing he is with someone else on MY birthday. But, I managed. I did however have a ton of people who love me come over and cook me dinner and we had a very nice time. I lost my mucous plug yesterday and had some contractions both yesterday and today. I went in for monitoring today and my blood pressure was up. They told me if it didn't come down they were going to deliver her today. But, it came down. So, it's just getting close. I don't know if I'll make it until the 19th. We'll see.

[Forrest Gump]

Things are looking up!!

[7 Year Itch]

Oooh, I'm so excited for you. Having a baby is the most amazing gift ever. I can't wait to hear all the great details. I'm glad you have so many people supporting you right now.

Chris

[S.T. _I Made It!]

oh phoey, I missed your b-day! so HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!

now I'll be the bad girl and say.... just be happy with your H calling you! quit looking at the negatives of it all. You were expecting nothing right? and he ends up calling, more than once even! So don't focus on what your lacking, but instead on what you have.

glad to hear your blood pressure down. keep being relaxed, walk, etc.