We are our biggest critics. I've come to realize that perfection is my perception and for me, many times, it's overkill. Working things to death does not necessarily mean it's better than it would have been if I'd done a good job and left it alone. My motivation is usually to please others, worried about what they'll think. I've lowered the bar a bit and, believe it or not, no one noticed. So, I'm beginning to set new standards for myself.
You are so on point with everything you've said.
I too have noticed that no one has noticed that I have lowered my own bar a little. It does help the people pleasing part of me when I received validation that my work is still good.
This whole taking almost a week off when I could least afford to do so was a huge step for me. And making it a priority to take care of me this past month - as in cooking and exercising was also a big step.
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If you're like me, I'll complete something then think about it again and rewrite or add more. This process may repeat a few times, in my usual anal retentive way. I'm so worried about being crystal clear about things.
I am the same way. Patent drafting is especially mentally exhausting to me b/c my standard is that a jury should be able to understand the technology I am writing about. And there are several parts that have to be consistent - so changing a word in one section sometimes involves changing things in 3-4 other sections. I have noticed that other people are not always as anal as me...
I didn't have time to do the multiple rewrites with the second patent. I barely finished drafting it in time to file it. It is probably better than good enough - but a part of me doesn't want to even look at it again.
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I'm not used to failing professionally. Personally, R's have never been my strong point. Guess that has caused me to be more forgiving of myself when I think about the M. I also learned so much about myself and my interaction with others through my M then through the D.
I feel like I sometimes set a lower bar when it comes to my personal R's compared to my professional R's. I think work sometimes emotionally exhausts me and I expect the personal R to not expect as much of me.
Once again - this may be all about setting the bar too high. At the height of The X's depression, I worked full time, cooked balanced dinners from scratch every day (he didn't eat leftovers, take out, or frozen), mowed the lawn - and at one point I actually got up at 5 am on a number of occasion to bake blueberry muffins - from scratch. I was very co-dependent and after he lost so many family members w/in a year. I use to think if I tried hard enough I could pull The X out of his depression - but I realized the hard way I had absolutely no control over his depression - it was all in his hands.
I have changed in that regard. I used to need people to need me to feel valued. Nowadays I prefer people that are centered, grounded and spiritually whole.
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Life is good. My yoga teacher announced that she's pregnant, so her prone floorwork will be limited. Although she plans to teach until her little boy decides to be a part of our world.
I was in a class once where a pregnant yoga teacher attended my class. She could still do poses including balancing ones - it was incredible - especially considering that her center of gravity was shifting.
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To continue the process I started at the beginning of the year, I am continuing to let go. Bringing peace to my world and trusting that peace will surround me. Trust. The first word I say in the morning and the last word I say before I sleep. Trust.
It is nice making it a goal isn't it. It sounds like you are like me - when you set a goal - you focus on getting there! LOL!
I find that you get back what you put out there. You sound much more centered. Good for you.
Sounds like you had a very nice and relaxing weekend with good friends in a nice location! I need friends with nice cottages near water. I guess I need to start with making more friends where I live now.
The doggies must have had a wonderful time. How is the young more rambuncious one doing? Any new adventures?
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Ellie's taking M/T/W off to work on the gardens. This afternoon we're planting a red maple in her mom's backyard.
Great minds think alike. I am taking Wed and Thurs off this week to garden. I have to get my veggies and annuals in.
Red maples are beautiful. What kind of red maple are you planting?
I planted a shrub called a dwarf cranberry viburnum. I thought it was a gap filler. I was very surprised to see huge ball shaped flowers this spring - it is absolutely gorgeous. Much like a snowball viburnum - but will only be 4-6 ft in height and width. Now I regret planting it in a corner - I may have to transplant it to a more visible location.
And my peonies are blooming for the first time - they are stunning. I am going to look for a tree peony this year.
It is so nice that summer and gardening season is here again. I think I need to buy a house in the southern hemisphere so I have continuous gardening seasons!
LOL... Sadie (the younger female doggie) is wonderful. She has really adjusted to living with us. I think she has come to realize that she's got a pretty good thing going ...better than where she came from. :-)))
We took both doggies on a long, long hike on Saturday. My friends have Georgian Bay on one side of their cottage and wonderful woods with trails on the other side. After walking more than 45 minutes on the trails we finally realized that we were lost and that the trail had stopped. We could hear the road nearby. That was the good news. It took another 30 minutes to find our way to the road. Once we hit the road we knew the way back to the cottage. Sadie kind of led us to the road. Through bogs of water and all. :-)) Sunday's hike was not as stressful... we stayed on the beach. The beach is the longest fresh water beach in Canada. It's about 23 miles long. We only did a few miles as we needed to hit the road after brunch.
Last night - even though it is tomorrow somewhere else when it is today here, I decided that work could wait. I decided to go see a late show of Sex in the City. Most definitely a fun chick flick! LOL!
It did reinforce this sense of peace I feel these days with where my life is today. The characters also viewed the 20 something as the "next generation." I felt the exact same way when I saw the young people at NASA that did today what I did 15-20 years ago. I saw them at the beginning of their careers - so full of hope - so young and so innocent in so many ways. I felt older and wiser and very content when I left. I felt very grown up.
And the characters are now 40 something and at a different phase in their lives. It wasn't just more of the same from the series. It doesn't diminish that past - it is just moving onto a different part of your life - a more peaceful, perhaps in some ways less exciting, less glamorous and relatively more boring part of life.
Life doesn't feel as urgent as it did when I was younger. Now mind you I am not ready to sit in a rocking chair with a blanket over my knees. I guess I am grown up now - never thought I would ever say that...
There was a line in the movie that struck a cord with me "We arrived in NY as girls and now we are women." That sums up how I view my life today. I have very fond memories of my past - but I prefer to live in my today.
A cultural disconnect is all over the news these days... Some news commentators are saying that some churches that cater to some members of a specific demographics have a different style of preaching - one that is apparently not so palatable to the mainstream...
I am curious to see what a certain person's new church will be - one that I suspect will be more palatable to the mainstream...
LA gov did part of his "transformation" before he ran for office and a big one after he lost the election for gov, the first time.
Now that I have a little free time on my hands, I am thinking about going to a couple of African American churches to see if what that it's really like.
I suppose this is all about the balance about your goals and how much of yourself are you willing to disown to get there. That is why I myself decided never to run for public office. While I am okay "hiding" the non-mainstream part of myself, I am not willing to disown it.
Hi AG The Pastor is a former servicemember. Most of the people who critized him never served. Since his background involved a stint where the situation was black or white and not grey I understand where the context of the entire talk (not the YOUTUBE version) came from.
I believe most folks want to get their shorts in a bind and this pastor gave them their excuse. That is a reaction that is culture neutral.
On the beach we avoid speaking to the media, hand the job to someone who is experienced (City Media relations officer), or stick to what is going on in the water (just the facts Mamm).
"All I want is a weeks pay for a day's work" Steve Martin
I use to care a great deal about politics at one time and became somewhat involved post D Posted about my angst a lot at one time. I walked away from it all roughly two years ago. I lean liberal but am no longer affiliated with either party.
Now I follow it to learn about human nature. It is one those time when it people "legitimately" give in to their baser instincts.
There is idealism and then there is reality - as I get older I am finding the gap between the two getting larger and larger...
I took yesterday off and am coming into work late today.
I ran all sorts of errands that I neglected when I worked too much and feel much better about being a little more "caught up" in my non-work life.
I am also focusing on getting my body functioning properly again. Living and sleeping with my laptop 24/7 for three months has done a number of my body. My shoulders were continously hunched and that affected my right hip to where I was limping. I got two massages in two consecutive weeks and it relieved the pain temporarily - but it came back.
So I decided I need to go to yoga more to try and get in deep enough to release the tension. I went last night and this morning. The morning class was intense - and my right hip is better...but I have to keep letting go mentally and physically in order to get my hip to release...
Meanwhile I now sit in my chair "as if" my shoulders are strapped to the upper part of the chair.
This is a new experience for me. I am use to working on the physical to enhance the peformance of and/or release the mental.
I had a very weird physical reactions in yoga. Yesterday, a foot arch releasing pose cramped my right hip up. And today a simple warm up shoulder pose crampled my right hip so severely that I had to come out of the pose...
This is the first time that the mental stressors are significantly reduced but my body hasn't figured that out yet...
My goal is to have a 42 year old when I am 104 - not a 104 year old body at 42.
One of the drawbacks of my physical state is that I am going to wait a week to plant my veggie and flowers. I need to get my "digging" hip working first. Besides I could barely lift a bag of top soil yesterday. There is no way I can haul around 40 lb bags right now.
A couple of months ago I posted that a seminar overlapped with a scuba trip to Roatan. At the time I posted seminar wins. What was I thinking???? I am looking into the scuba trip today!
Life is miserable for my right hip - but very good in my head right now!
I was on my way to buy an ergonomic keyboard and much to my surprise found myself at home depot browsing through flowers!
I have two large cement planters on my patio. I bought flowers for them. A neighbor taught me how to add height by cutting the base off an el cheapo hanging basket and putting it in the middle of the planter and then planting additional flowers around the edge. I am hoping they turn out beauooooootiful.
My laptop hip is doing better than it has done in months! There is a little tenderness - not the kind that makes you yelp with pain. Yesterday's yoga class was called a hatha class but it was more like power yoga to me. I am "face sweater" - by no stretch of the imagination can it be called "glowing." There droplets of sweat all over my mat from the exertion. I am going to have take a towel with me next time.
No drop in weight yet - but at least I am fitting back into my clothes and am no longer "muffin top"
My laptop is propped up on a stand with the screen at eye-level. And I am typing on a wireless ergonomic keyboard. Hopefully that will help keep me a spry 42 - it was no fun being forced into a geriatric body by my computer.
For the first time in months - I have watched not one - but 3 movies: Gone Baby Gone, Love in a time of cholera, Sex and the city (in a real movie theater!). I am starting to feel myself slowly relax more and more. I am sleeping very deeply at night - especially on my yoga days.
I am slowling picking up work again. No pressing deadlines right now. I would like to keep it that way. The plan is to take all of July off from major work stuff. I feel like I am already slowing down the pace. I think I am going to institute "summer work hours" at my firm from June through August.
Life is good! It really feels good to be able to move my right leg w/o having it feel like dead weight again.
I am going to look for a tree peony this year.
There is a little tenderness - not the kind that makes you yelp with pain. Yesterday's yoga class was called a hatha class but it was more like power yoga to me. I am "face sweater" - by no stretch of the imagination can it be called "glowing." There droplets of sweat all over my mat from the exertion. I am going to have take a towel with me next time.