MIDLIFE CRISIS- from Michele plus RESOURCE THREADS

[jojo1]

Hi 'L'! I was re-reading the chapter about mid-life crisis, and it reminded me so much of my 'H' ('A'). I am glad that I read it again because it answered my question regarding talking to 'A' about his imprisonment feelings in marriage. It re-confirms my thoughts about not talking about the 'heavy stuff' with him. It re-confirms my feelings about being 'patient'. If anyone can be patient, I can! Right? Sometimes, I just want to strangle him, but I won't. It re-confirms my belief in actions speak louder than words. Goal #1: doing fun activities together sans my friend, 'M'. Goal #2: 'A' calling me up to look to do fun things together, more dinners together and movies, etc. 'L' if you find this first, I also wrote in 'Hopefulness'. Big Hug!!!! JoJo

[Laurie]

Yes JoJo,
When I have seen marriages recover from MLC, there is a HUGE amount of being very, very, very, very patient. And yes, if there is ANYONE I know that can be very, very, very, very patient, it is you JoJo. And you know I mean that!

I hope you found my first email to you. Take care, Laurie

[jojo1]

Laurie!!!! Hi, miss you! I'm so glad you found me. It makes me feel hugged!!!! I have an a question that I have been obsessing about.

'M' left a very pointed, mean voicemail the other day. I have yet to return her call because it is difficult for me respond to that. Do you think I should tell 'A' the problem I am having with 'M'?

Also, can I send Karen a recent picture I have of me and 'A' to send to you?

It is Saturday! I hope it is a sparkling day for you! Thank you for being a solid encouragement and optimist in my life!

Miss you, Big Hug! JoJo

[June21]

Help,
I do not know if I handled this all wrong or what. I was married 17 years. He was working part time in Mexico and I came home to be with our 16 year old s. Found an email from ow stating that she could not wait for him to return and she loved him with all her heart. He was glad it was out. Said it started 4 months previous. He had feelings for her. Said that he may regret it but was going for it. He was bored and it was too late to rekindle the fire in our marriage. He is 49, she is 38 single and mexican. I am 55.
He said he wanted to apologize then said it would never be the same then said that my family had alienated him and he did not know how to rebuild trust. Later he took her to the states and bought new Bedroom furniture for our home in Mexico. This is when he started to say that there was no hope of reconcilliation later he wanted a divorce. I was to accept it that he was never coming back to me. So I served him Dec 07. Up until the mediation in August I would ask him to rethink what we were doing and if it could be too haste. He said that he wanted no conditions on his life and could not give me committment. Then he said that he did not appreciate what he had. Told a friend that I deserved someone better than him.
The further the D went the furter he went with her. To take her last January to Hawaii where we were married. Said he was making new memories. I ask him if he is happy and he says yes and then sometimes how do you know I am happy.
Now we are divorced. Happened last month. HE said that he loved her and that he did not love me. That he had been proud of our marriage but the clock was ticking he knew it was selfish but time for him now. He wanted adventure, challanges, excitement and no longer found them here as a married family man.
He carries inside him from childhood a father that did this to him at the same age our son is.
HE lives with ow in his warehouse with his jaguars, mercedes and tools.
I struggle with the what ifs and why could he not see that we loved him and needed him here but to him it was a responsibility and he had had enough of that since 17.
So he grew his hair long as he says failed me and changed. Wants me to be happy and even his friend.
He has said some horrible things like I do not think of it as a loss but a gain. He rejected my love. I found what I was missing in my life. All this took place in Mexico with mexican women and then he fell in love. Has broght her here to Canada and met his family. He denies wanting to marry and then makes remarks like I would not let him just up and go to Scotland to golf if he wanted to and she would. So she is what I need and not you. You don't want me.
So my reason for emailing is : Is it rediculous to think that perhaps in a few years should he come from under the cloud and through the tunnel he may want to return or is it over for ever and I am just wasting my prayers.

[Upside]

Hi June-
I am sorry for your pain though you have found a good place to come for support. I recommend that you start your own thread. You can do that by clicking on the "new topic" link toward the top of the main Midlife Crisis Forum page.

You will find many people who are experiencing or have experienced the same things you are now going through. It helps so much to know you are not alone and to get advice from others who understand your situation.

I guess God only knows if you are wasting your prayers. There is nothing wrong with having hope...I think all of us come to this place to find hope. There is no magic bullet and I believe many LBS's move on before the WAS comes around. I have been on this site for a year and a half and have only "seen" a few reconciliations...but who knows if you could be one of the few. There are several WAS's of posters here that are teeter with recommitting to the M. Speaking from experience, even when the WAS shows signs of reconnecting, it can still be a very long and painful process but hopefully worth it in the end. And even if we don't get our spouses back, we help each other learn and grow and heal.

So stick around. Be prepared for people to tell you to detach, GAL, have no expectations and even hit you with the occasional virtual 2x4.

(((HUGS)))

[IRMAT]

June21 Never give up hope....my story and as well as others in here are pretty much the same....I just posted another thread because my husband never calls me and I just wanted to tell someone in here of that....

My husband moved in his O/W to a different state...he had an affair with this same woman 13 yrs. ago...for 2 yrs. my husband lead 2 different lives...thet had a relationship ....then he had his parents die a yr of each other... bought a Harley and met her again in a Walmart.... he said the old feelings came back and he was in love with her and not in love with me any more...

I know most people would beat me for giving him a second chance but I married for life.....I was referred to this website from a person in here and it has changed my life please check it out...

I never knew how much I loved myhusband till this happened ....but I still have hope that one day all this will be something to give God all the praise....I never thought I could make it to where I am today.. I wanted to end my life but God was there for me every step of the way and still is....you will make it.... it feels like you wont but you will....

Please visit this website I just know it will give you the hope that we all need ..

http://www.rejoiceministries.org

Hang in there....you will be ok and the pain will become less and less to where you can actually function and live a life again...

I hope I helped you today and take care of yourself ....

talk at ya later...

[June21]

Thank you both so very much. I just hope that even after a divorce there is hope and that two people who once loved each other so much can with the grace of god find their way back.
Hugs,
June 21

[IRMAT]

I pray that you are right... I miss my husband so much but he never calls me anymore like I said....it is like we never existed to him now....I feel so used and like she stepped into my shoes with my life with my husband and my beloved dogs.

I cant help but cry every other day after work... but I cry out to God .... Luke 1 verse 45 says this:

Blessed is she who has believed that what the Lord has said to her will be accomplished.... I truly believe that with all my heart....

One day those of us in here will be reunited with the spouses God put together in the first place and made us one flesh.... but we are only human and sometimes we are weak and sometimes we have doubt.... but I know that I know and God has spoken to me and he has shown me what I need to do ... and that is to be still abd wait on his perfect timing...

It is so nice to have this board to come to and just let our emotions,anger,jealousy,envy and all the other things we feel when we are weak to be released in here and somehow it just makes us feel better...

This THANKSGIVING I am thankful for the people in here,becuase without them I would of had to of faced this alone....

THANKS TO ALL OF YOU IN HERE AND MAY YOU HAVE A BLESSED DAY
HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYBODY!!!

[Whisper35816]

Thats the biggest problem right there. My W and I will be talking and things seem to be improving and on the right track and then the track gets blown up because the OW finds out we are talking and blows her lid and W crumbles and we have to start hiding it but that fact she still does come around to sneaking a call to me some how does that mean she is still interested in the R? W will say one thing but then OW gets to her and everything changes and me and W end up pissed off.

[2gthrButApart]

What if you set mini goals, and they happen (such as him calling me for no reason, or him hugging me when we sleep at night) but then he indirectly reminds me that we are NOT together, and that he's basically living @ home still b/c of our 2 little daughters. Should I still take it as these mini goals mean something? Compared to where we were...or take it in to consideration, but don't expect anything else or a positive outcome from it? Like don't look to deep into them?