Mike, I believe what Gypsy was saying is you started the talks last night about splitting things up, "as I see no problem in this" but I guess from another stand point, instead of fighting for your M, you have accepted the loss and are ready to move on, this is only an observation, I may be wrong.
The talks were started the previous night and I am assuming will continue on until the meadiation date to try and resolve as much as possible.
Mike, I believe that sometimes GAL and doing what we want is not a good thing for our spouse to see, in there mind, it justifies what they have always said is one of our down faults, such as playing golf, at least I heard this one quite a bit. I can only guess that this is what she is talking about on you doing what you want to do. If QT is one of your W's LL and I believe you said it was then all time needs to be spent with her.
As far as the anger goes, I have no idea on how to get rid of that, if I did, I may be back home working on my M.
I think ping is right here, but it's a catch 22. How can you get to spend QT with someone who doesn't want you near them ? I'm sure QT is one of my W's main ones too, but at the moment she cannot hardly stand being in the same room as me for an hour !!!
It's a tough one and I'd be interested in what people have to say. I get a chance for a week as on holiday that we booked before all this, so I'll come back with my thoughts.
That is a tough one...how do you balance GAL if your W's LL is quality time. In my opinion, you can only work on the LL once W is in a position to notice (friendly stage). As far as golfing is concerned, Why does W even have to know where you are. When WAS is in this mode, the best thing we can do is get out of their face. Leave give her space....time to cool off. Now is not the time to start splitting assets to save money at the lawyer`s office. M I think I am repeating myself here...it is jumping out at me...you have to leave (if only for a few days), you have to stop being confrontational (or anything your W may interpret as such) regardless of what W is doing or not doing.
Well, I made a last ditch play I guess. I don't recommend anyone doping this as I am sure that most here will say THAT is PRESSURE. My W and I got in an email convo about something that was bothering me from last night when we were splitting the stuff up.
My W bought me an all leather chair(recliner) for father's day last year. It's nice, I liked it. Before she bought the chair we had looked at them and I always went for the cheaper chair(not all leather) due to cost. I would have liked to have had that chair if we D and asked for it. She refused and not wanting to fight I relented. She mentioned that I never liked the chair, it was too small for me did not recline enough..etc..I never said any of that, but she assumed it by some small things I said while sitting in the chair.. So I sent her an email this monring telling her I really liked the chair and wanted it and compared the chair to our M. She has assumed through our M that i hated the house we lived in, hated where we lived..assumed many things because of something I said. I complained about the commute at times, I complained about the schools in our area..she took this as me not liking where we lived. I complained about the lack of friends we had in our neighborhood..she took that as dislike of the area..anyway, this has led to an email R talk..
I ended up sharing the WAW letter that SC wrote a few days ago..inside an almost WAW..Therte were a few things I edited out bit for the most part it remained intact. I did not want my W to know it came form here so I removed the letters WAW..
My W asked me where I got the story. I told her I read it somewhere..My W said----the story is us.
So I made a play. I don't know that it will do anygood. But it appears she may be thinking again. I told her I had not given up. She will leave in a bit and promised she will calland let me know she got there OK.
That is where I am now. Rollercoaster came through I went around 1 time and now I'm off.
That is a tough one...how do you balance GAL if your W's LL is quality time. In my opinion, you can only work on the LL once W is in a position to notice (friendly stage). As far as golfing is concerned, Why does W even have to know where you are. When WAS is in this mode, the best thing we can do is get out of their face. Leave give her space....time to cool off. Now is not the time to start splitting assets to save money at the lawyer`s office. M I think I am repeating myself here...it is jumping out at me...you have to leave (if only for a few days), you have to stop being confrontational (or anything your W may interpret as such) regardless of what W is doing or not doing.
Good luck.
John-when is the time to start talking about splitting things up?? Walk into mediation blind..Is that what you're advocating?
My W is going out of town today and won't be back until late Monday night.
M, You are not off the rollercoaster....you are in for a long ride. I am not going to knock you for what you do or don't do. If I can make one last suggestion....now that she has left, leave her alone....no calls. no e-mails, no R talk, let her make the contact. Go play golf and try to enjoy yourself. Last year when I was smack in the middle of this, I shot 72...I still don't know how I did it with everything that was going on.
