Pregnant and trying to be stronger

[blindsided1]

Thanks for the tips. I've been really glad that I took all those classes. Even if I don't remember everything, the more knowledge I have, the better.

H was very sweet last night. It's those times that get me. I think..."why does he have to be an alien 90% of the time and then this guy 10%" It's hard for me to understand why he would throw everything away when it's obvious that we can work things out - at least to me. I was really good, though. I wasn't aloof, but I was definitely not clingy. At one point, I had my back to him and he put his arms around me, his hands on my belly and his head on my shoulder - waiting to feel the baby. It was a very sweet moment. But, I didn't go all crazy over it. I just took it for what it was - a moment. Then it was gone. He was complaining about how broke he is, that he can't even buy gas to get to school. I just listened and didn't offer any advice. So, I wonder.... is OW getting tired of giving him all her money? Too bad, get used to it. It's only gonna get worse.

We talked for a little bit. I said, "well, gotta go". And, he continued to talk some more and then said he had to go. It's funny, sometimes it's almost like a contest, who's gonna say "gotta go" first.

I'm okay today. Baby has totally got my attention and my emotions right now. There are still plenty of moments where I give the attention/emotion to H too much. But, the focus is definitely shifting.

One more day of work and I can relax some and get some things finished around the house. Thank goodness.

I'll check out those pics, Jenny.

[Forrest Gump]

Glad to hear you are doing well today!

[blindsided1]

Missed you Forrest

[Forrest Gump]

Never gone.. Always watching!!

I am really glad you sound happier.

And... Thanks!

[S.T. _I Made It!]

oh, I was going to mention about trying to turn the baby... On one of those links I posted, I read that sometimes there might be a reason why the baby is positioned as she is, if she won't move around.

Glad to hear you were able to handle that good moment, as just as it was. It IS hard to do, but you did it, and it's nice to just live in that good moment.

Just keep being constant, and I really believe your H will be less of the 90% and more of the 10%.

and good job validating his brokeness. You can always encourage too like, "I'm sure you'll figure something out, your a smart guy" or whatever is appropriate.

If YOUR building him up, as opposed to OW who you know is eventually getting tired of his butt- will be complaining about him and AT him, then YOU will be the one he will rather be in company with.

[S.T. _I Made It!]

Your Doing AWESOME!!!!

[blindsided1]

Thanks ST and GM - I'm trying really hard to be calm and rational. It get really hard sometimes. H called yesterday and wanted to know how much I make monthly. I played dumb, like I didn't know why he was asking. He thinks that I am making this enormous amount of money. I kindly reminded him that I am now on disablility and have even less. I know that he is trying to figure out what he is going to have to pay in child support. I just blew off the conversation. I don't want him to think that I am getting my ducks in a row. So, I'm trying to lay low. Then he called me later and asked to borrow money. I just happened to let it go to voicemail, so oops, sorry, couldn't get to the phone and too busy to call you back. What nerve!!! He's trying to figure out some way to pay less child support and then goes and asks to borrow money from me. Even after I told him that I was strugling. Why isn't OW giving him money? Huh? What happened to his cash cow? I think H is getting pretty nervous knowing that all his debt is weighing him down and now he will have CS on top of it. So, we'll see how he behaves. This is when he starts to turn into the biggest jerk in the world. When it comes to money - he doesn't care about anybody or anything - just money. So, I just have to keep reminding myself not to let it hurt me. And, to cover my a$$

[Startingover2]

Hi bs...

You are exactly right about why he was asking you about how much you made. He is panicking about how much he will have to pay. Keep playing dumb.

I totally agree with gabbysmom about the csection. Keep up with the meds. I was feeling ok and skipped a dose and within a couple of hours was in alot of pain. Also, sometimes with a section your milk doesn't come in right away. Don't panic. It will maybe a day or so longer. I guess its something to do with the hormones. Pump if you need to to help stimulate the breasts.

Don't overdo it. I am 10 weeks out now and it was really after 8 weeks that I felt normal again. My body still looks like heck but that will come in time.

You can bet that life isn't rosey with OW...keep doing your thing and watch his life with her crumble.

[Forrest Gump]

"When it comes to money - he doesn't care about anybody or anything - just money."

And with the choices he is making/has made.. what is he about to have a whole lot less of?

I am telling you there is something to letting someone stand on their decisions. The eventually have to become responsible for the ones they are making.

"H called yesterday and wanted to know how much I make monthly. I played dumb, like I didn't know why he was asking. He thinks that I am making this enormous amount of money. I kindly reminded him that I am now on disablility and have even less. I know that he is trying to figure out what he is going to have to pay in child support. I just blew off the conversation. I don't want him to think that I am getting my ducks in a row. So, I'm trying to lay low. Then he called me later and asked to borrow money. I just happened to let it go to voicemail, so oops, sorry, couldn't get to the phone and too busy to call you back. What nerve!!!"

This right here.. Made my day!! Fantastic! Big smile on my face right now.. I hope you can see it from there.

[blindsided1]

SO2 - I've resigned myself to accepting that I need to be patient when it comes to breastfeeding. I know it will be frustrating at first. I would love to KNOW that things aren't good with H and OW, but I will just have to let it be for now.

Forrest, the answer to your first question is: MONEY. However, H DOES NOT take responsibility for anything - EVER. The CS is going to be MY FAULT. He is already gone down that path. His exact words are "I'm going to get screwed with CS if we go to court. You'll get more money than you should and only a part of it will go to our D. The rest will go in your pocket to party with". A$$HOLE!!!!! Yes, I'll be out partying between breastfeeding, pumping, diaper changing, burping, laundry and maybe the occassional sleep period. He sees this as MY fault. Every bit of it. If I had just done this or that, he wouldn't have HAD to leave me. If I just let him buy some diapers and stuff without asking for CS, then I wouldn't be screwing him out of money. I am NOT exaggerating here. I wish I was. I hate knowing that I have a H who is so focused on his own needs and his own wants that nobody else matters. And, when he screws up, he blames it on everyone else. So, for now, just trying to get through the next couple of weeks. I am really on pins and needles though, right now. I have this awful feeling that H is about to do something not so good. I don't like it at all.