Thanks Chris, we have come a LONG way. Like your H, my H said he was DONE. He said he was 110% sure he wanted a D. I let him go and his fantasy life became a reality....and it wasn't much fun anymore.
I am glad he is going to the wedding too. I would hate to be going alone....I already had to do that last October and it was horrible. It was WAY to fresh then.
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If she's getting attention (even bad) she is staying linked to you and your marriage. I think if he is done truly, that perhaps I'd mention something like..... "in light of what you told me about your concerns with OW. I was thinking perhaps it would be best if all communication (even responses to hers) were totally cut off".
I have thought that too. I definitely don't want her linked to my marriage! I have thought about asking him to write her a no contact letter with me. The time hasn't been right until now. I think now he may do that....but again, she is relentless. She may see that as a challenge and try to get him back...which is crazy because she lives 1000 miles away. H has said that she has threatened to come here because she is scared we are getting back together. It may just be best to ignore her altogether.
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And yes, that was EXTREMELY rude of her to contact him.
Ha! I don't know why this struck me as funny....I guess because I don't think she cares about being rude....she did move in with my H afterall. She really is a piece of work.
THANKS for the insperation..My situation in no way has gone as far as yours so it give me hope things will go good in july at the retro session. I just keep in switching lanes in my mind on how I feel... talk to ya later
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
On a separate note, you are a very educated woman, and you care a lot about folks on the board, and you see a lot in real life.
We have one purpose, one singular purpose on the board and that is to save marriages. And I know you care about that too.
Sometimes we offer advice to someone to protect themselves legally. It can also destroy their marriage if followed to the letter of the advice given. Your advice is especially 'weighted' since you are a doctor. So please be careful in this regard. If I feel the advice I'm giving someone could be contradictory to DBing or detrimental to their marriage (which is our 'patient' here, not the person themselves), I add a disclaimer, THIS IS NOT DB ADVICE, and sometimes add, that this is my personal experience. You may want to do something simlar.
Thanks,
peace and all good, sg
Last edited by sgctxok; 06/22/0808:22 PM.
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
Thanks sg....but on your second post I think you have me confused with someone else. There is also kml (not klm) that posts...I believe she is a doctor.
Well, so much for all the well wishes. It's over. I am filing tomorrow. I don't need the 48 hour rule.
Today H and I went shopping for a coat for him to wear to the wedding. I am very emotional right now because of all the wedding stuff and also because of the anniversary of the bomb. We had a long R talk today about trust and I really thought H and I were on the same page. He went on and on about how he is so sorry that he hurt me and he lives with the stress of that each day.
So anyway, after I went running tonight I thought I would go by H's so that I could see the pants that he wanted to wear with his coat. I knocked on the door and then peeked in the window and didn't see anyone but his car was there. I knocked again, then figured he may be taking a nap so I was about to leave. The door opened. He looked flushed and out of breath. I said...are you ok? He said "Yeah, I was just sleeping." So I told him I wanted to see the coat. He said it was in his car so I went out and got it. I could tell he was very nervous. I came back in and asked if he had water because I had just been running. He said no. I said, "well, i'll just go get a glass because I need some. I started walking towards the kitchen and he grabbed my arm. He said "Let's go outside".
So we go outside and I am really confused. I started asking what was wrong. Then he finally said it..."Somebody is in there." I said "A GIRL?????" He said yes. I freaked. I went back in the apartment and she was crouched down hiding in the kitchen beside the refrigerator!!!!!!!! I lost it. After the talk we had today.
I am better than this. I am better than finding my H with another woman a SECOND time. I have been a wreck ever since I left there. If it is possible, I think this is worse than the first time. I honestly can't even believe he let me leave. I was shaking so badly that I could hardly put the key in the ignition.
My mom came home and has calmed me down a little. That is the only thing that is better this time around is that I wasn't completely alone.
I can't deal with this. He obviously doesn't know how to be in a committed faitful relationship. There are plety of people out there that do.
Oh yeah, and this was all completely my fault because I didn't call before I came over. Right. My fault. He actually had the gall to say that.
I am so so sorry. I thought you guys were making such progress. And my gosh, how he could have the gall to say it is your fault? I am just stunned for you, and so so hurt for you. I was so encourage by everything you have been through. You don't deserve this.
Chris
__________ Me:39 H:39 D:8 D:4 M:9 (T 13) Bomb 4-5-08, H moved out 6-16-08, Reconciled and H moved back in 5-31-09 Still doing GREAT a year later!!!
I am in shock. Especially after the talk we had today. I don't think he meant it was my fault that it happened....maybe my fault that I was having to experience this again?? I don't know.
I mean seriously. The girl was crouched down in the floor hiding. I went in there and said "do you know he is married?" She said "yes". I just shook my head and said "wow h, you really know how to pick em, huh? They never seem to care that you are married."
This went on for about 15 minutes and the girl just stayed there the whole time. Crouched down in the floor. It was bizzare.
I have calmed down and I am unbelievably calm now. It's strange. Maybe it is shock. There is nothing he can do to make this better.
