Pregnant and trying to be stronger

[blindsided1]

I hope that these feelings will all go away once Kendall is here. I woke up sad again today. I don't know why I feel so sad, but I do. It just hurts so much that he doesn't feel any need to make sure that I am okay or taken care of. I hate that he is with someone else and living another life. I hate that it has been 7 months and I can't just get over him. I can't just stop loving and missing him. I just want it to go away. I just want to be over him. The nights we went to classes he would be nice and caring and then when I'm out of sight, I'm just out of mind. I don't even exist. My birthday is Thursday and I know he won't even acknowledge it. He's too busy with his new life. It is just really hurting lately. I just feel so unloved and uncared for by my H. It's getting worse and worse. He doesn't even talk about sex with me anymore. I know that's ridiculous, but at least when he did that, I felt like he was still attracted to me and still part of his life. Now, I'm really just nothing. I'm just someone he used to love that is about to have his baby. I just want to be over him. That's what I pray for now.

[Forrest Gump]

It will come to you.. it will. What is going on right now.. is what usually happens.. just keep pushing... your doing great.

Seriously.. I wish I could make it better.. I remember feeling just like you do right now.. It does get better.

[NikB]

I don't even exist.

Really? If you don't exist, who's posting?

(Or are you reading your H's mind, ASSuming this is how he's feeling, and making yourself feel worthless because of this?)

My birthday is Thursday and I know he won't even acknowledge it.

1. No expectations. So you shouldn't EXPECT him to acknowledge it.

2. More assumptions and more negative thinking. Why do this to yourself?

I just feel so unloved and uncared for by my H.

Start loving yourself and caring for yourself. Then you'll feel better. AND you'll be in a healthy place to start a new R with him if he changes his mind. Right now you're still way too needy, desparate, relying on him for your own sense of self worth. Even if he came back, you're not ready.

Now, I'm really just nothing.

Again - really?? If you're nothing and don't exist, who the heck is typing all these posts?

[NikB]

PS...

I just want to be over him. That's what I pray for now.

OK so you're praying for it. What ACTIONS are you taking to help make this happen?

((((B))))

[Startingover2]

I agree..no expectations of your H. Then you won't be disappointed. Easier said than done, I know.

I had a blowup with my H last night and felt a panic when I thought about my little baby not being with me all the time. That is a huge motivator for me now and I will probably turn the other way more often just to keep the peace. I know that is not a solution, but when it comes to my baby I will go the extra mile.

Kendall will be here soon and I promise you will think differently.

[blindsided1]

Thanks. I know that it gets better. But, it gets better for a while and then it comes crashing down again. I just want it to go away. I don't want to hurt over him anymore. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of dwelling. I'm sick of crying. Sometimes I feel like no matter what I do, it just go away. That I just can't truly get over this. Maybe it's my hormones (very likely) or the fact that our baby will be here soon. Whatever it is, it hurts. I have counselling tonight, thank goodness. I just really want my H to love me again and I just can't get that. So, I'm going to go find something to do that doesn't relate to him. I think the other part of the last two days being depressed is because I have been cleaning out some stuff upstairs and came across our wedding stuff, and pictures of our honeymoon. It's hard to look at our pictures and know we were happy and realize that in a very short time, he can just forget that we were once there. We loved each other and we planned our life together. Then he gave up and left and planned a new life with someone else. And, here I am just trying to pick up the pieces of my broken heart, my broken marriage and my broken family - all by myself. And all the while, about to give birth to a new life that I am responsible for and Mommy can't even get her life together. I'm just feeling overwhelmed.

[AliSuddenly]

Ok, DBing says no expectations, but your pregnant for gods sake! Its only natural, its a primeval instinct, you expect your mate to be there, to love you and provide for the baby, its your DNA kicking in, you're not a panda (the female b*ggers off and raises the baby by herself, male not required). So please stop apologising and beating yourself up. Its way way too early to try and lose your expectations and your feelings and doing things for you and all that stuff. You are vunerable right now and had a raelly sh*tty card dealt to you by life... you got pregnant, THEN your partner left. Its cruel and unfair and we all feel for you.

I'm so glad you have C tonight, I was going to ask when you had it next. Just look after yourself. If you want to feel down and hurt, go ahead. You will be too busy and tired to when the baby comes, but I hope you will be getting a lot of family support at least when she does, even if you're H cant. I know he will regret this, how can he not? My Uncle did, he left my Auntie for an OW when pregnant. He has spent the rest of his life regretting it. Dont think he is happy and skippy in his new life. Somewhere deep (very deep!?) inside him is a little voice telling him that what he has done is wrong, very wrong.

My auntie went through hell by the way, it took her 2 years and some Prozac to get over it. But then she met a wonderful man, who she has been with for 20 years and he has treated her like a Princess.
Ali xxx

[NikB]

Ok, DBing says no expectations, but your pregnant for gods sake! <snip> Its way way too early to try and lose your expectations and your feelings and doing things for you and all that stuff.

Ali - I totally understand what you're saying. The thing is, every time you have expectations, you set yourself up to get hurt even worse. Losing the expectations is so critical. When you learn to expect absolutely nothing beyond what the law requires, you allow yourself to hurt LESS. And, when good things DO happen, you can appreciate them more.

B is already spending her Monday upset about her H not doing anything for her birthday - which hasn't even happened yet! Don't expect the best - OR the worst. Expect nothing. Then if you get something, cool. If you don't - oh well. I know it's easier said than done, but the only thing that seemed to work for me was practice. If you (meaning you in general, not you specifically ) constantly work on catching yourself having expectations and then DROP them, it becomes easier and easier over time.

Losing the feelings - well, that's a whole other story and I agree, it's probably too early for that. I think it happens very slowly over time. I know that even though I was able to detach pretty well and not let them effect me so much, I never lost a lot of those feelings while H and I were separated.

Its cruel and unfair and we all feel for you.

Totally agreed!!

And, here I am just trying to pick up the pieces of my broken heart, my broken marriage and my broken family - all by myself.

B - this is where a support system of friends/family is so critical. You can't do it with H, but you sure don't have to do everything all by yourself. We're all here for you, and I know you have people in your "real" life that are too.

[quote]I'm just feeling overwhelmed. [/b]

I bet this is totally normal for ALL new moms/"about to be" moms. And that much moreso given your sitch. Do you have other pregnant women that you've become friends with? Or new moms? I was thinking talking to them about the "overwhelmed" stuff might be helpful.

((((B)))))

Glad you have C tonight - hope that it goes well.

[blindsided1]

Well, this sucky day is almost over - thank goodness. It has not been a good day emotionally for me. I feel like everything is coming back from the start. It's like I am reliving the whole walk out again and again. I went to C and she didn't help at all. I need to get my head on straight and I'm just not doing that very well. My H is and a$$hole. We are about to have a baby and he couldn't give a rats a$$ how I am doing/feeling. He can't even check up on me or see if I need help with anything. I hate his guts. I hate him. Just let me get the F over him. He isn't worth this pain or anger or hurt. It's just not worth it. I feel ashamed that I married someone who could be this cold hearted and uncaring. How could I have been so stupid?

[Forrest Gump]

You.. what am I going to do with you.

I wish I knew your name... it seems.. either you have not posted it.. or I missed it.

If you have not posted it.. please don't.. until you are ready. If I missed it.. can you please restate it.

B.. you are doing great. I knew this time was coming. I have been here.. where you are twice. Oh.. the stuff he is missing out on. This really is the stuff that changes a man. He will miss this. If he moves on.. or stays.

I told you.. it takes a special kind of person.. to move on like this. I can see your side.. the hurt.. the distance. You will hold onto this for a long time to come.

I don't want you too. Let it go.. the best you can.. let it go. I see you moving toward the one thing you fought when I first started posting. It does not feel right.. Everything about you fights it. All that is important.. is what you do. What makes it best for you and yours.

You have worked hard for this.. if all that come of it is the thing you have wanted for so long.. hold that close.

Now.. more than ever.. is time. Get stuff ready. Check it and make sure it is ready. Triple check it if you need to. Focus on you. Stupid.. will just need to catch up. Leave it behind.

I am hurting for you. This crap.. sucks. Somehow.. Someway.. you have to step out.

Look.. you need help.. post it here. You just talk about it all you want. Get it out.

I want the best for you.. please.. please.. Let it go.. the best that you can.