SC...been awhile since I have been 'checked out' was abit embarassed to say the least but ooohhh did it make me feel good. Thanks for stoppin by and checking in on me.
Was in a great mood today after yesterdays PMA pickmeup.
A buddy called asked me to stop by and hang-out so headed out decided to stop by the local Mickey D's to catch a quick bite. Didn't pay attention when I pulled in...
Go walkin in the front door and I see D11 gettin a pop and there she is...the W. It was one of those situations where when you see somebody you don't won't to talk to but you have no place to run and hide. So I put on a smile and say well HI! Wow this is a nice SURPRISE.
W looks at me and says oh my gosh, I could tell she was taken off balance. She say's well hi what are you doing here (duh). I head to the biffy to wash my hands and to compose myself so as not to make a backslide. I go back out and pass them to go and place my order and say I will be right back...
Get my food and head to their table, could tell W was nervous, so I help D11 open up her meal and just start up some convo. W is abit fidgety and I locked on to her eyes she looked into mine and they were so deep I haven't seen her in a week and with as much as I feel I have detached to the sitch couldn't help but feel that warmth of love in myself.
I made sure to not talk while she was and validated when she was making a point and kept my composure god how I still love her. So this went on for about 10 minutes and she said why don't you sit down I said that's nice of you but I gotta get going but thanks for askin. So D11 reached out her arms for a hug and I hugged her gave her a kiss told her I loved her and looked at W straight in the eyes (funny she wasn't looking away at all today) so there was alot of eye to eye contact and said you guys have a great afternoon. Said my goodbye's and left I could feel her looking at me (ya know that feeling) it all felt good hopefully I did good.
That sounds great! You handled the run-in with W really well. And sounds like you had a lot of fun at the party, too. You are also the first on here besides me that I have "heard" use the word "pop".
Was in a great mood today after yesterdays PMA pickmeup.
A buddy called asked me to stop by and hang-out so headed out decided to stop by the local Mickey D's to catch a quick bite. Didn't pay attention when I pulled in...
Go walkin in the front door and I see D11 gettin a pop and there she is...the W. It was one of those situations where when you see somebody you don't won't to talk to but you have no place to run and hide. So I put on a smile and say well HI! Wow this is a nice SURPRISE.
W looks at me and says oh my gosh, I could tell she was taken off balance. She say's well hi what are you doing here (duh). I head to the biffy to wash my hands and to compose myself so as not to make a backslide. I go back out and pass them to go and place my order and say I will be right back...
Get my food and head to their table, could tell W was nervous, so I help D11 open up her meal and just start up some convo. W is abit fidgety and I locked on to her eyes she looked into mine and they were so deep I haven't seen her in a week and with as much as I feel I have detached to the sitch couldn't help but feel that warmth of love in myself.
I made sure to not talk while she was and validated when she was making a point and kept my composure god how I still love her. So this went on for about 10 minutes and she said why don't you sit down I said that's nice of you but I gotta get going but thanks for askin. So D11 reached out her arms for a hug and I hugged her gave her a kiss told her I loved her and looked at W straight in the eyes (funny she wasn't looking away at all today) so there was alot of eye to eye contact and said you guys have a great afternoon. Said my goodbye's and left I could feel her looking at me (ya know that feeling) it all felt good hopefully I did good.
Brian
Atta boy...WOOOOOOO FRICKIN HOOOOO is all I'm gonna say.
It seems to be a good day, W starts emailing me early and it continues throughout the day told myself don't read into it just enjoy it. She is asking if her parents can take the kids on a trip to Wisc. and would I like to have D11 from sat thru weds night fathers day/my b-day (weds) I say yes would LOVE to have her and then just idle chat after that now normally I would wait like 15-20 minutes to reply but this seemed different so I would reply pretty much as soon as I got.
Monday evening...
This is where I start getting confused she starts texting me telling me that she doesn't have anymore #'s to add for our calling circle, but too make sure and put MIL on the list I respond okay will do. Then she says D11 is carrying around her cell so I should call her, I said I know and thanks I was just finishing some stuff up. They had a problem with ants where they are living now (long story) & she tells me it is under control I validate & tell her good job knew you could handle it, she thanks me for that.
She then asks if she left the heartburn pills here I say yes and ask if she is okay, she replies probably just stress from work, so I offer to drop them off where D17 works tomorrow and she thanks me for that. Okay this is just banter but this is where it changes...
She says "just wondered where they were was makin sure I hadn't lost my mind", no you haven't lost your mind(tongue in cheek lol). I ask her where D17 is, she says out on a date with THUG, new BF we both don't care much for him. W tells me he smokes surprised D17 would go for that but okay. So I ask W how it was going with herself on that, she quit in March I tell her how proud of her I was. "Well don't be to proud of me I fell off the wagon". I say don't be too hard on yourself the point is that you keep trying. She says "D11 is mad at me cause she started again" I said she just wants the best for you and doesn't understand totally. W says "I'm a failure" I say no you aren't. W say's "you have always supported me when it comes to things, I appreciate it", I just say your welcome though could have said alot more.
So this leads into her saying "D11 blames me for 'everything' that is going on and 'its hard on me' I am trying to work through this, just takes time, it's not fair, who knows what will happen, might be too late by then". Before I could even answer she sent this text..."don't answer I'm going to bed"
I validated throughout this whole texting didn't say alot of things I could have said, took some shots that I didn't post and just let those run off my back. I am to say the least confused what to I do with that last comment of hers what do you say to something like that? Do you leave it be? It's been a month since she left she is waivering already? Maybe I am making more out of this than I should be it's like she is looking for me to do or say something, just feel abit lost this is the first she has really even mentioned anything remotely dealing with the R without being somewhat prodded. I don't want to screw this up
So this leads into her saying "D11 blames me for 'everything' that is going on and 'its hard on me' I am trying to work through this, just takes time, it's not fair, who knows what will happen, might be too late by then". Before I could even answer she sent this text..."don't answer I'm going to bed"
I validated throughout this whole texting didn't say alot of things I could have said, took some shots that I didn't post and just let those run off my back. I am to say the least confused what to I do with that last comment of hers what do you say to something like that? Do you leave it be? It's been a month since she left she is waivering already? Maybe I am making more out of this than I should be it's like she is looking for me to do or say something, just feel abit lost this is the first she has really even mentioned anything remotely dealing with the R without being somewhat prodded. I don't want to screw this up
B-Sorry, I have been busy this am at work. Explain this to me again. Who is D11 blaiming..you or your W. Explain all this to me, every word that was said. leave it be until you explain this here. Don;t contact the W right now.
(So this leads into her saying "D11 blames me for 'everything' that is going on and 'its hard on me' I am trying to work through this, just takes time, it's not fair, who knows what will happen, might be too late by then". Before I could even answer she sent this text..."don't answer I'm going to bed")
All above is what W said through about 2 hours of texting. D11, is upset with her for starting to smoke again and is blaming her for the sitch that we are in. She seems in great turmoil by her messages. Her texts throughout the night IMO were carrying an air about them that I can't put my finger on. Like she is wanting me to do or say something to make it right. Throughout her texts she would keep referring to feeling like she was 'nuts' or 'losing her mind'. I know I am not trying to read into any of this just has ME PERPLEXED! A whole day of communication with emails & texting and then so far today nothing.
Like I said I just kept validating where I could, giving her kudos for doing things on her own without being sappy about it. I offered no advice to her would just try and change the subject so as not to go down a cheeseless tunnel.
(So this leads into her saying "D11 blames me for 'everything' that is going on and 'its hard on me' I am trying to work through this, just takes time, it's not fair, who knows what will happen, might be too late by then". Before I could even answer she sent this text..."don't answer I'm going to bed")
All above is what W said through about 2 hours of texting. D11, is upset with her for starting to smoke again and is blaming her for the sitch that we are in. She seems in great turmoil by her messages. Her texts throughout the night IMO were carrying an air about them that I can't put my finger on. Like she is wanting me to do or say something to make it right. Throughout her texts she would keep referring to feeling like she was 'nuts' or 'losing her mind'. I know I am not trying to read into any of this just has ME PERPLEXED! A whole day of communication with emails & texting and then so far today nothing.
Like I said I just kept validating where I could, giving her kudos for doing things on her own without being sappy about it. I offered no advice to her would just try and change the subject so as not to go down a cheeseless tunnel.
Brian
I'm just throwing things out here. We need a little more help here I think. Hopefully Ping or somebody else will chime in.
Do you think that maybe she is reaching out to you about D11's behavior and looking for help with that sitch?
Do you think that D11 may need a some IC to help her deal with the sitch?
Do you think D11 might be taking this out on your W because she is spending more time with W than with you?? That happens in S and D's. The child will play one parent against the other sometimes.
I'm sure she is in turmoil. I'm sure she is greatly conflicted. Just keep doing what your doing for now. Keep validating and let her talk as much as she wants. Don't get dragged into an R talk and don't read anything into anything. You have seen how the WAW is..
Do you think that maybe if YOU and YOUR W sat D11 down and talked to her about the sitch that it would show a united front from your W and you when dealing with the D11?
