I get it and I got it - wedding date that is. 1:00 on saturday.
Sounds good to me too! My wedding date came in today, and they say they are shipping Waitress today so I should get that Fri. or Sat. at the latest! Karen
I hope you are doing ok. I know you have class tonight so probably won't be on until most of us are ready for bed! Hang in there lodo, I'm cheering for you.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Just found out we're supposed to give short talks tonight in class and I have nothing prepared, so left work early.
I'm doing okay. Pretty much finished off the going dark thing. After email exchange with W yesterday, she apparently felt safe in stopping by my office today. Usual chitchat-catchup-howareyou convo. She said she might ask me to check on the house while she's gone. Then said she's seeing the L tomorrow re: separation agreement and if everything is okay she'll bring it by for me to sign, along with a check for share of the house. I kept things pleasant and cheery and upbeat.
And there it is. done.
Which is fine. I can't play mind games or do things like going dark - I'm just not that type of person. As I lay in bed this AM, I realized that my lowness over last couple of weeks has been because I've reached that point of not caring anymore.
I've wanted things to follow the script from 9 years ago for so long, and now comes the final piece. And it's not the same situation. It's not a script. And we're through. And that's okay, I'll be fine and I deserve better anyway. I really want to make things work with W, but it takes 2. 9 years ago, she went out into the field but came to see me for 3 days beforehand, already knowing within herself that it was completely over. We had a blast together, doing all the things we loved and reconnecting. That's really what brought us back together - that reconnection.
Well, she's put her foot down this time - no activities. She hasn't even gone on a walk with me for quite some time. She's decided it's over and nothing will sway her. So I'm now accepting that.
Okay, I've gotta go figure out what I'm going to talk about.
lodo
PS - H4H, just saw your post. To be completely honest, I guess I do think my W and I are soulmates because of how well we get along with each other. Not just get along, but understand each other. that's been the hardest part of all this - realizing that I don't really understand her. But 9 years ago, she admitted that the majority of it was her own emotional confusion and turmoil - her feeling like she HAD to make a decision in the midst of that and choosing herself and wanting to just clear everything else out. So I think she has these cycles in her and if they sync up with a down cycle in me - blammo. so much for soulmates. So to answer your question, yes I believe in soulmates but do I trust in that? No, I think that IS being over hopeful.
I think of going dark as just not going out of my way to make contact with H. I don't call unless it relates to kids or some emergency. Does it mean that I don't love him? No, or that I don't want him to wake up and stop tearing us apart? No. It just means giving yourself some space so the pain is less and you can think more clearly and act based on fact and not react based on raw emotion.
I will be ok and so will you come what may. Let's hope they wake up.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
I know I'll be okay. I'm just frustrated. And busy. And feeling like I got lost along the way. And being pissed that when I did get lost, my W didn't say anything - just silently built up resentment.
Oh well. It is what it is, right? I really enjoyed our 12 years together - I'll always have that.
I should also mention that new friends can pop up in the most unexpected places. Isn't that great?!
I heard you say you are going sailing in SF bay. I took sailing lessons in Santa Cruz and really liked it there except the mooring has a long waiting list and is expensive. I've heard that the sailing outside SF bay is intense! The winds are pretty consistent and it requires some advanced skills. When the wind is blowing hard and the seas are up is when you realize how insignificat we are in comparison to the ocean.
I owned my last sailboat for around 7 years and did a lot of sailing in the lower Columbia river and along the coast up into Canada. I had to sell it a couple years after the kids came along because I just did not have the time to drive to the coast and maintain it. When the kids get a bit older, I hope to get another sailboat. It is a great beach house to stay at even if you stay in the harbor. I love harnassing the free wind power and hearing the crash of the waves agains the hull. Waking up in the morning in a cove on the Oregon coast that my dog and I had to ourselves and observing a grey whale swimming around my anchored boat is something I will always remember. I hope to teach my kids sailing and seamanship.
Oh well. It is what it is, right? I really enjoyed our 12 years together - I'll always have that.
That was the main reason I wrote the letter. As a physical reminder that our time was precious and worth remembering fondly. Unfortunately, ours was way too short. How can one go from devotion to desertion so quickly?
Me45 W35 M6 T8 D16 SD11 D0 Dec 07: Bomb July 08: Busted! Thread
How can one go from devotion to desertion so quickly?
Such is the frightening power of brain chemicals. This is what made an otherwise intelligent, sane woman -- an elite astronaut -- drive across the country wearing an adult diaper to go avenge her man.
Karen