So yesterday was 4 months since the bomb. I went back and reviewed and adjusted my wants based on what I have control of. Here is my new list:
I want my decisions, actions and words to: * Define me as the man I want to be. * Reflect what is best for my kids. (More family activities. one on one time) * Allow my kids to be safe and happy, have fun, and learn. * Improve my relationship with W. * Keep the kids out of the middle of my R issues with W.
I want to have effective communication. I want to listen (really listen) to others. This includes W and kids.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Today was a good day. Most emails with W since bomb. I see improvements in my communication style. I am not picking up rope. I am validating W, but at same time I am communicating what I believe are important items for kids.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Its really good to see you growing & making positive changes.
Wanna go to Jamaica ? LOL
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
W looks at me like I am crazy, but me and kids are laughing and having fun!
It sounds like you're completely resigned to the fact that D will happen ?
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
Not pulling on the rope is hard. W is still pulling hoping I will pick up. I have given a few pulls in the last few days, but mostly just letting the rope lie.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Why do you think she wants you to pick it up ? Habit ? It shows you care enough ? what ?
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
Why do you think she wants you to pick it up ? Habit ? It shows you care enough ? what ?
It is all about control. If I don't pick it up, she can't control me. She is asking for 70/30 split control of kids. She might get this, but I am not going to roll over and give it to her. I feel strongly that it is in my kids best interest to spend equal time with each parent.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
