Kalni ((((()))))). Breathe deeply and let it go. Count your in breathes and your out breathes even for only a few minutes at a time. Wait and be still, no I wasn't good enough, no asking questions to which there are no answers. Let him come back and wait until he speaks what is in his heart. You have enough worries with Dad until then. This is not your fault-well maybe a little but we are all human. You have done so much to make this right,now it is up to him. Do not put words into his mouth he hasn't YET said. You can do this I know it.
Woog and FG because you both have been telling me this,
why do I lose my sunshine when I confess I am not as strong as I seem to be? Why is it necessary to be happy & strong and self confident when I am just hurting. Why is it so bad that I admitt I am afraid and scared of what the next weeks will bring me?
I have been the strong one for all our years with my H. I had been the driving force for our family raising our two kids practically alone. I have been trying to protect and support him with all possible ways I could think of. I don't need to do that anymore for him. I still do it for my kids.
What Sunshine needs is someone (in RL) to lean on when she feels the way I feel right now, and I know I am not "attractive" enough and good to play with when I am like this, but GOD all I want is someone to tell me that it is going to be OK. That someone will make it OK for me, will take care of it for me. That someone will take care OF ME. For a day, for a week, just enough so that I can rest, sleep like my kids sleep at nights having me making sure they are OK.
How long do you think this bunny can go on? Well, I am just about ready to "die". I am running out of energy. I am running out of alternatives, options, inside power and determination. I am dying inside, pretty fast.
I was thinking what if H came back and said he wanted to come back? The thought of this made me more upset. I couldn't handle that. I can't do anything so draining and difficult as "piecing" (not that it will happen). K
lodo, mike, gForce, naej thank you. I'll be fine. I am feeling everything is too "intense" right now. But, it will pass.
You are amazing. A beautiful person both inside and out!
From what I can tell you have had an amazing amount of personal growth and change through all of this. You are more than enough. You are it. If he doesn't see it... I would say he just doesn't see it yet... you've changed so much for the better it just may take him a while to do enough of his own changing.
I decided I will fix my veranda today. Bought stuff to decorate it with. I am buying some new plants later tonight (remember the snow? killed all my plants).
I think I will go to the beach again cause my kids love it. My son's first day at the camp was so & so. He said he was bored. I told him to try and stay for at least one week.
H called twice. Never asked to talk to me. Last time my D handed the phone to me. I heard him say "darling..." when he heard my voice changed his tone immediately. I told him about our S, asked how he's been, he says "he is not tired, he sleeps well, not doing much...". He knows I can "read him". K
Oh hon! I am so sorry that you feel down right now. I have not been here with you as long as many of the others (Forrest, Woog, BobbiJo, Ali)but I have skimmed through your threads. In reading them I have see your metamorphosis. You have grown and blossomed from an insecure angry person into a strong, confident woman that is capable of tackling anything life throws at her. Sure, you occasionally get down on your self, that is part of the growing process and the difficult position we find ourselves in as a result of someone else's choices.
It is not wrong to want someone to hold you up once a while, someone else to step in and say, "Rest, I will carry the load." It is in these times that we have to rest ourselves in God's hands to nurture and sustain us untl we have the strength to fight for another season.
Yesterday, when I was so down and wanting answers to questions that no one could answer, rather than continue to mope about it, I put my concentration where I needed to be to redirect myself. I picked up my Bible, went out in my backyard, and sat in the quiet with God and read where ever my fingers opened the Bible. I found Ephesians 5 and Psalms 51. then I sat back, closed my eyes, emptied my mind and let God comfort me.
The rest of my day went soo much better than it had started and I was able to spend a comfortable hour in my husband's company last night.
If you need to, rest in the Lord, K. We are here to support not lecture. We just see the changes that you are too close to notice.
SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
You don't lose your sunshine for us. You lost it for yourself. We all know how special you are. You just need to remember it.
You can have all of those things. Seriously. If you want them they are yours. But what you can't do is make your husband give them to you. You can't make anyone do those things.
I know you hurt and are down. It happens to all of us. A few weeks ago you were worried about me getting down. You kept poking at me and reminding me that life goes on. Well, you were right.
