Things are still going good with H relationship wise. He is frustrated with his job and says it is soooooo stressful. I find that hard to believe but I try to validate his feelings. The way he complains about work is something that has always bothered me. I don't think he would be happy at any job. He wants a job where he makes a ton of money with no stress...but who doesn't??? Whatever, I just try to let it roll off my back and not get irritated at him which I guess is a 180 for me.
We spent a lot of time together this weekend. Went to dinner Friday night and he asked me to stay the night. I had a horrible horrible dream about OW that night. It was long and very vivid and involved her coming here....which she has threatened to do. When I woke up I was kind of mad at H....I guess because of the dream. I was laying in the bed with my back turned to him and then he started rubbing on me...and then initiated ML....so I guess that took care of my residual mad feelings from the dream.
He had to go to work that morning so I left pretty early. When he got into work he called me just to tell me that he had a really good time the night before, so that was nice. He had to work late that night but when he got home he sent me a text to see if I wanted to come over and spend the night. I had had a long day and was already in the bed so I told him I couldn't. I am hoping that will make him think about me moving in there.
There were a few times I wanted to bring up the living conditions, but things were going so good I didn't really want to do anything that could mess that up. Maybe if he doesn't bring it up in the next couple of weeks I will.
Things are still going good and H seems to be trying really hard.
I'm so glad you has such a nice weekend. I think the 180's and not being available (logistically speaking) is a great idea. I'd let the conversation come from him. I can only imagine how hard it would be to wait, but knowing you are on a good path forward hopefully will give you some calm to wait.
I always get so hopeful reading your thread. I'm so glad this has worked for you.
Chris
__________ Me:39 H:39 D:8 D:4 M:9 (T 13) Bomb 4-5-08, H moved out 6-16-08, Reconciled and H moved back in 5-31-09 Still doing GREAT a year later!!!
Yes, I agree that it would be much better if the living situation was brought up by him. I am trying really hard to be patient in that area. I have to keep reminding myself that he has brought things up when he is ready to talk about them (even OW) so I know he will bring this up when he is ready.
He has been calling me everyday and we went to lunch today and will probably go tomorrow. He asked off work for the wedding AND the rehearsal dinner so I am so glad I won't be going to another one alone.
He also talked to his mother the other day and asked me if I would be up for going with him to visit them sometime. I thought it was nice that he asked, so maybe we will go in the next couple of weeks.
Now, if we could just sell that house in TX.....it would be the perfect opportunity for us to go house shopping together here.
H wasn't busy at work tonight so he asked me if I wanted to come by, so I did. We were sitting around talking and the subject of money came up. He is working really hard and having a hard time making ends meet. So I said...."what if we put our money together?" He said, "well, that would only benefit me and not you...I really have nothing to give." I said "well, what if I moved in with you?" He said "Well, you know you can stay there any time you want...and its GONNA happen. I think about it a lot"
We didn't really come to a conclusion because he ended up getting busy. He knows what I want, so I will leave it at that.
Ok, I'm going to try to update. Things have still been going pretty well.
Friday after H got off work he sent me a text to see if I wanted to come over. I was already in my pajamas and watching a movie with my mother so I asked for a rain check so we made plans for Saturday.
His mother came into town on Saturday...H had to work and she knew that...but I guess she thought he would be able to go to lunch with her. Well, he wasn't able to go to lunch so I ended up entertaining her for most of the day. Just as she was about to leave H got off work so we all went to dinner. While we were eating H said a few things that triggered those thoughts of OW. Unknowingly I kind of shut down. H noticed. When we got in the car he immediately asked what was wrong with me. Well, me doing the same stupid thing I always do just said "nothing". He asked me a couple more times and then finally said "well, I tried, I am not asking again."
When he was dropping me off at my car it all kind of came out. H had said something else that I had taken the wrong way and when I brought it up he told me what he had actually meant. He said "I am really trying hard here, do you really feel like I would be that big of a jerk to you?" I said "well, you have to remember what we have been through, I am a little sensitive." He said "But when is the last time I have acted that way to you?...I am trying REALLY hard to make things better." I told him I knew he was trying hard but that still didn't erase everything that had happened and it was just going to take time for me to work through all those feelings.
We worked through that mini breakdown of mine and he was VERY understanding. It wasn't long ago that if I talked about things triggering those feelings and thoughts about OW he made me feel like I was irrational and crazy. This time he actually seemed like he empathized with me. I think that was a big step for us. At one point during that conversation he said "Everything is going to work out, we will be together, we are SUPPOSED to be together". He seemed so sad that I am still hurting, and there is nothing he can do to just fix it right now. I told him that it would just take time and he said he wishes so bad that he could just erase everything he did from both of our minds.
When he talks about it now he still can't explain what was going through his mind. All he has said is that that time seemed like an out of body experience to him. He has thanked me for loving him enough to still be here when he "woke up" and being open to reconciling. This past month is the first time I have felt that he is truly sorry for what he did. We have been trying this since January and it has only seemed "right" this past month. He has finally started backing up his actions with words.
Later that night I asked him if he had talked to OW lately. He told me that he hadn't talked to her in a while but she had sent him an email the day before about Tim Russert's death. He told me he responded to her, but it wasn't really anything and he would show me both emails if I wanted. I asked him if she knew we were working on things and he said no. I asked why not and he said "The line has been drawn with her, she knows where I stand...but I feel like she would start some sh!t if she knew we were working on things. She is crazy and I wouldn't put anything past her. I will tell her if you want, but I think it would just get her started again." I told him that I would rather be the one to tell her and he didn't say anything. It was late so I dropped it and we went to sleep. I am not sure if I should pursue that or not. There is a part of me that just wants to forget about her and another part that wants her to know he is here with me trying to make our marriage work. Maybe I shouldn't give her that power over me.....but I think it is inappropriate for her to email him about anything.
Oh yeah, forgot a couple of things. My H's LL is WOA...which is how OW sunk her claws into him. Anyway, H always said that he felt I complimented him because I HAD to. Well, of course I didn't have to but for whatever reason he never felt I was being sincere....guess it was in my delivery.
So anyway, Saturday night...H looked HOT!!! I walked into his apartment and I was like "OMG, you look SO good!" He said "Really?" So I went on to tell him why I thought he looked so good....and I REALLY meant it....I mean I could barely keep my hands off of him. So get this.....H cries!!! Like a happy cry. He hugged me and he said "I just never have felt like you were attracted to me" So I don't know, maybe it was the way I went about it, but he believed me this time and it made him feel really good...which made me feel really good.
Also, H got off work for the wedding I am in. It is in two weeks.....and also on the anniversary of the bomb . He actually seems excited about it. I will be curious to see how people react seeing us together. I am from a fairly small town and we were the talk of the town there for a while....gossip city! I have a feeling us getting back together won't be juicy gossip like us getting D was.
Awe Kris............. you just gave me warm fuzzies. I LOVE that you and H are starting to use each others LL's and that he was so touched. You give me more hope than you know. Perhaps I should get that book, although right now I'm not sure it would be useful in my situation.
I'm so glad he'll be going to the wedding with you. Weddings are just awesome for creating warm fuzzy loving feelings.
As for OW, UGH! I just don't know. In a way as much as I know I would want to confront her too, I think you might be best to ignore her. If she's getting attention (even bad) she is staying linked to you and your marriage. I think if he is done truly, that perhaps I'd mention something like..... "in light of what you told me about your concerns with OW. I was thinking perhaps it would be best if all communication (even responses to hers) were totally cut off". And then ask him how he feels about that. I honestly think if you and him totally ignored her she'd eventually disappear. And yes, that was EXTREMELY rude of her to contact him.
Chris
Last edited by 7 Year Itch; 06/17/0808:45 PM.
__________ Me:39 H:39 D:8 D:4 M:9 (T 13) Bomb 4-5-08, H moved out 6-16-08, Reconciled and H moved back in 5-31-09 Still doing GREAT a year later!!!
....so I guess that took care of my residual mad feelings from the dream. 
. He actually seems excited about it. I will be curious to see how people react seeing us together. I am from a fairly small town and we were the talk of the town there for a while....gossip city! I have a feeling us getting back together won't be juicy gossip like us getting D was.