I have been to gym M and W. Love handles are still there , but much smaller than last year. but I am not sticking to prebomb diet and may be gaining weight. Time to step up and focus on eating good again while increasing the exercise.
Tues: went to concert for photo shoot. Interesting night... (best thing is my mind is on having fun and taking photos and not my sitch)
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
"I don't see the tension at the house that W is expressing to L. "
Spouse talked about the tension in the gathering for the graduation and how it sent conflicting signals. The kids didn't have a problem, I didn't once I got over my upset that my family was splintered.
The tension comes from her.. from how she perceives the situation, how you both need space. Each action has blame and righteousness attached to it on her part.
Is there right and wrong? No clue. It took a lot to get to this place.
Here's to having time alone with your darlings.. When was the last time you took candids of your kids?
...When was the last time you took candids of your kids...
Always glad to hear from you! I have taken lots since the bomb (Always did before too). Last set was at baseball games. Need to carry camera some more.
I had a great time with kids tonight. W is out of town, so I was able to do what the kids wanted without any "tension". We went to the local arcade and had a blast. We then had diner and a local band was playing (our family friend sings). Went to playground after dinner. Arrived home about bed time. Had kids call W. We then did the jump on the bed to "rock and roll McDonald". The kids have so much fun doing this and laugh so hard. S7 had a bad bloody nose (from picking it!) while we were reading. I had to keep pressure on it for at least 10 minutes...
W called at 9:45 and had music playing??? (Bed time is 8:30). I will never understand her thought process while she is in this fog....
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
I am thinking about baby step goals. I am not sure what I need to look for as far as positive changes. I think I will recognize them, but it is better to know in advance what I am looking for.
A big 180 may be the nesting with the kids. W and I will get space from each other. Somewhere I believe the communication has to improve. We have 3 kids together. She can not give me the silent treatment forever. I will be patient. I have reciprocated and given her the silent treatment for several days....
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
You'll have to let me know how the nesting goes. A neighbor and her husband did that. It helped the kids but created wacky living arrangements for the parents.
My brothers and sisters helped me realize I had to change my parenting style once spouse left. I'd always been the narc, strict, telling them what to do. Once he left, I realized I had to be accessible, not a pit bull; create a place they want to be at.
Neither one of us trust each other. Our communication skills are horible. I tell her one thing and she hears another. I am sure I am doing the same thing.
*ooh ooh! throws hand up in the air....'me too, me too!*
How do you deal with this? Get a third party? - Expensive. Write topics down - urgh...h would never go for that. Agree on 'safe' topics...hmm...no topic seems to be bloddy safe.
What do you think Ready? and anyone else who is reading...
** Purple
As soon as you trust yourself you will know how to live. Goethe
Yep, that was us too, not too long ago either. (Probably will happen again too, but at least it's not happening right now).
You could read my lightbulb moment a few weeks (days??) ago.
It totally sucks when every single conversation is tiring, exhausting, misunderstood, & frustrating.
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
Yep, that was us too, not too long ago either. (Probably will happen again too, but at least it's not happening right now).
You could read my lightbulb moment a few weeks (days??) ago.
It totally sucks when every single conversation is tiring, exhausting, misunderstood, & frustrating.
This changes in time. The newness of the situation makes us feel this way as we are constantly on our toes looking for clues. Reading expressions, tones in their voice, body language, etc..... In time when we stop the "worrying"phase, it gets a whole lot better.
At some point in time you will get to a place where you no longer remember the last time you spoke. You no longer worry about what you say to them and second guess your every word. You no longer feel like conversation or interaction is a burden to either party.
It just takes time, they say it takes 1 month per year of marriage. For me this was accurate, at about 15 months it was not a problem anymore.
