Apparently the first level of sh!t is starting to sink in already....got these messages from H today, who was coming here tonight after his plane gets in Omaha at 8 pm putting him here at 10:30ish....
Messages today 1)Would you entertain bringing the kids up tonight and going to church tomorrow?
2)(30 min later) I miss being happy and I have not been in a very long time. Where did I go wrong Bobbi why can I not find happiness anywhere? Evrything I touch or do just breeds frustration and anger and hurt.
3)(2 min later) All I want is to be happy
4)(10 min later) Tell the kids I do love them and that I miss them so much. Tell nate I am sorry.
The thing w/the kids is b/c when Dan called earlier in the day I told him Nate was upset he didn't call last night (he called our house and left a VM when I TOLD him we would be at friends' house and to call the cell to tell them goodnight).
I also said in a matter-of-fact way that Nate is very ANGRY this week, he doesn't want to listen to me and said he is mad at me bc I won't let him see daddy every day.......Sissy asks for H several times a day too.
Anyway I was very short and to the point w/him today, not in the mood for any conversation. Which made him act awkward, which is too bad.......
I sent this response: (hit me if you want, I wanted to be honest)
I know you are hurting. I think you lost yourself when you decided you didn't need anyone to support you, when you decided you could do everything/handle everything by yourself.
In my heart I truly think the hurt and frustration and anger come from you knowing the choices you have been making are wrong and you are angry at you.
Maybe you can't find happiness because you are looking for it in a higher-level job, a hotter woman, a nicer truck, a bigger paycheck. That is how it looks from the outside.
It feels like you have turned away from your family, your true friends, God, and the wife who WAS willing to do anything for you. And you say it has only brought you bitterness and anger.
I cannot tell you what to do. I can only say you are surrounded by people who will help lift you up again if you let them.
I got it out there, felt good, moving forward.
I haven't changed my plans to move forward with life with the kids. He dug a big hole and only he can climb out. I can't wear myself out pulling him up anymore I just wind up in the hole with him.....
Sounds very serious when I type it but I am in a very calm, even mood actually!
you are completely awesome! You handled that EXACTLY perfect!
You are right, you cannot keep pulling him out of the hole. He dug it, let him ask the right person to pull him out. God can do it, but your husband has got to figure that out on his own. He will never find happiness in anything in his life until he lets his Father in Heaven guide his life and his actions.
Why is it some WAs feels that finding happiness in what they have is "settling"? Why can they not understyand that they can achive greater happiness than they ever thought possible, with people who have ALWAYS been there to support them through the good AND bad times in life? Rewriting history does not make it go away unless you remove all those who were part of it from your life.
There is a quote from the movie "Shall we Dance" that I love----
Why is it that people get married? Because we need a witness to our lives. There’s a billion people on the planet. What does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you’re promising to care about everything… The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things, All of it… all the time, every day. You’re saying “Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go unwitnessed - because I will be your witness.” Wife in the movie, "Shall We Dance?" 2004
I am so proud of you!
SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
From all the things you've said, I get the feeling it is right next door to a deal breaker, but not absolutely? I've maybe read too much between the lines, but I have felt that you are giving him one last, final, real chance. Don't know that he is strong enough to grab it, though.
I agree with the above posters. It sounds like you are still giving him maybe one final chance. I know how you feel. Again, you are on a board full of people who in spite of all the crap they have had to contend with still want their spouses. This is why going semi dark now is so helpful. It is just a way for you to step back, get your composure and keep on moving. You don't have to walk away from your marriage, but you might want to sit back and let him fight for awhile.
