I am not surprised your husband is acting this way towards you. You have taught him that you'll take him back eventually. He has lied, cheated, and treated you poorly before and you've still accepted him. Now he is trying to play the game by those same rules. He hoping you are going to take him back. Afterall, you've done it before. Many times.
Come on BBJ, he didn't even have fun with the other woman in Los Angeles. That should make it better right?
BBJ, in my opinion you need to set some specific rules about what he needs to do to be allowed back into your life, let alone your marriage. He needs to see an IC because he really has a warped sense of himself. Then you both need MC.
I guess this is just my opinion, but without those steps I expect will be back here again soon having the same discussion again about his lying, cheating and treating you poorly.
for me, he can NOT take OW on a trip with "no recourse" because we are separated. For ME, we are married until we are no longer married. Period. It will NEVER be okay for him or any one else to be with someone else as long as they are married. That is just my opinion, no offense...
I am just a silly old-fashioned Christian girl who thinks you should honor your marriage vow, and even if you divorce, you wait until then to be having sleepovers.
Amen, sweetie!!! I feel the same way.
Our husbands are our husbands until a judge or a priest says they're not!
I totally agree with you said about not being with other people into the D is final. My point was that in their heads they can some how rationalize and justify it because they are seperated. He knows going to LA with OW is wrong which is why he lied, but he was able to do it with a clearer concious because you guys are not together. Please understand that I totally agree with you. It would stop me, but it obviously does not stop them. There is no respect for the marriage vows on his part, on the part of my H, on the part of most of the walk away spouses.
Also, I would have to say I agree with Woog. Much of the way he is acting now is based on guilt. Keep doing what you are doing and stay strong. Make this the time you stick to your guns. If he is wants to make his family work he will figure out a way. In my opinion men always do. When they finally realize what they want they get their arse in gear. Don't cut him one ounce of slack until you see that.
BBJ, Your H sure seems confused...did he actually mention that he and OW had or have unprotected sex?
At the end of the day only you know if this is a deal breaker for you. All I can say is follow your heart and do the right thing for YOU. If you guys do decide to give this another shot (my money is on yes you will), there is some MAJOR work to be done on his part. As far as BBJ is concerned, you will have to get over a major hurdle, TRUST.
Good luck BBJ...whichever road you decide to take.
My computer is getting old. I had to take it in to the computer doctor this morning and won't get it back until Wed. afternoon. Trauma!!!
So I am at the public library so I can tell you all why I am falling off the face of the earth for 2 days.
Woog, (and everybody else) don't worry.
My only plans with H are to co-parent. The bottom line is he just got back from a trip with someone who was not his wife! It doesn't matter how much it sucked, how bad he feels for the kids (apparently not bad enough to make real changes), or how much he too "wants our family". Again, actions, not words. And there are no actions.
I am going home now to do some more packing. My kids will be able to turn the entire back yard into a moving-box city by the time we get done up in Iowa!!They love the empty boxes but it is frustrating when they climb in WHILE I am packing.
All I want to do is get the house sold and get into the new one so I can keep moving forward. H can figure his life out himself...well, actually, he can't do it on his own, he has shown that, but you get the idea
Also, we got a pre-approval letter from couple #3 today. They saw the house last Thursday. We are hoping for an offer from them by Wednesday. But, like everything else, no expectations.....
Have a good two days. I am sure EVERYTHING will happen around here while I am gone.......
Yes back in Nov. he told me they weren't using anything b/c she was on the pill...I went and got a full battery of tests run, which showed I was "clean" .
I think that just reassured them that they must be "clean" too, so they still didn't use anything.
The fact that he would be with me again 3 weeks ago knowing he had been with her is enough to keep me away from him in that regard.
I know I have set a bad pattern in the past but guys, have some faith in me! I am not letting him back that easy. He may think I will, but I won't. I don't even know for sure if he wants back, but even if he does I am not interested. Way too much has happened.
And a million things would have to happen for that to change...
OMgosh, your computer is sick. I'm sooooooooooo sorry. Where can we send flowers ? lol
Isn't it funny how attached we are now, & can't live without computers, cell phones, blackberries. Have a great two days, wish I lived closer, I'd come help you pack. (not that I like it, but it's always more tolerable with a friend).
See you soon
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
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