Different Lenses WAW #6 Going Dark on DB community

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Phil, intentional or not you come off as antagonistic. Your responses are ladened with bait to fan flames. I am asking my 'buddies' to stop.

I don't respect you, so telling me what to do, beyond not posting to you will give you little satisfaction.

My posts can be found be clicking on my name, and viewing posts. I do not believe they are in the MLC archieve. I could be wrong, but 5,000+ are alot to go through. How BND says to dettach is pretty much spot on. Don't respond, live your life stop feeding her drama.

I am sorry that you think I am being funny here. I am sorry that you think I am trying to be cool at your expense. Neither is true. This isn't highschool.

[LostPhil]

Sandi,

Who is the the best psychologist? Do you really think some professional is going to be smarter than me? I need to make my own decisions. I don't need a psychologist telling me to end something I don't want to end. I don't need us to go to a psychologist together. I do think we should go to Retrouvaille. But I only think that will work if she is willing to work at it.

When people give up they go and see a psychologist or they recommend someone to a psychologist.

What is a psychologist going to tell me I don't already know. She wasn't held enough as a child. She was spanked too much. She was terrorized by her mother. Look we all have our emotional backage. Woman seem to carry around theres in a big elephant bag. Men or most likely for me, I don't carry it around. Boo Who, I didn't get the GiJoe with the kung fu grip when I was a kid.

Live is just a bowl of cheeries. This is temporary. My path is salvation.

If it doesn't work out with her, in five years this may all be a blur.

[LostPhil]

Jack,

No Jack, you come off as antagonistic.

You don't respect me. I didn't ask for your respect.

BTW, as a personal developement for yourself you need to stop talking in double negative. Say what you mean.

"I don't respect you, so telling me what to do, beyond not posting to you will give you little satisfaction. " This is a double negative.

So it means you do respect me, and posting to me will give me satisfaction.

I notice a lot of double negative when you talk. Can you work on that for me. Thanks

However I don't think that is what you were trying to convey.

Your right this isn't high school. However you implying it isn't just made it high school. This is a disco!

Ok good to the point!

Don't respond to her. Live your life, and don't feed her drama.

Excellent!

Don't respond to her what? Insanity? At all? Only about children or finances? What??? What? When she is fearful at night by herself?

[Jack_Three_Beans]

: )

Have a great day, Phil.

[LostPhil]

Thanks Jack. You giving up again?

[craig54]

phil,

there are no exact ways to deal with our spouses. you have to experiment . if it works, keep doing it.i am certainly no expert. but i do know what works , so far at least, in my situation. i like the quote, is what you am are doing bringing you closer to your goal of reconciliation. if it does not , change what you are doing. as far as what sandi said about seeing a therapist. i would recommend it. for your wife, if she would do it. or just for yourself, they can help guide you . it is a great place to vent. it is not a sign of weakness to want to get help, on the contrary it is a step in the right direction. it means you have hope. it means you care enough to try everything you can.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Now when have I given up on you exactly?

[LostPhil]

Ok, lets get this straight. Do not recommend a therapist to me! If you want to go to a therapist you go. I have no desire to talk to a therapist.

I do talk with my priest.

I agree. Did not getting the mattresses for her bring me closer to reconciliation?

Did leaving her clothes in a big ball mess in the laundry basket brink me closer to reconciliation? No but next time she asks to come and do laundry and I ask her to make the bed, maybe she will.

I don't know... She's in outer space man. I don't think I can build a ship big enought to bring her back.

Oh yeah Jack, real funny. "I am sorry that you think I am trying to be cool at your expense." I HAVE THE PLAY BOOK AND YOUR JEDI MIND TRICKS DON'T WORK ON ME. It was good, and the wife has caught onto the I'm sorries too. She always says now, stop saying you are sorry for things. You are always sorry for things. It is getting old. I know you are sorry. You are sorry you had it so good with me and now I'm gone.

"Neither is true." Good validation until you said this. "This isn't highschool. "

I don't know Jack, you smiled and then you said have a nice day. I figured you were throwing your hands in the air again and giving up.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

"This isn't highschool. "

I was pointing out that I wasn't playing stupid games with you.

You took it as an attack on you.

It wasn't a mind trick Phil. You are reading far more into it than it was intended.

You have buttons, that I do not know about. It seems I am pushing them.

On that note, BND is more capable of helping you than I am. I do read your thread, and will continue to do so, I am not giving up but you seem to understand her better than me, and all my double negatives.

[LostPhil]

lowering shields