I was all fired up to just have the D talk with H TONIGHT. I am a very "now" person on some things. When I want a haircut, I want it NOW. When I want to go on a trip, I want to "now". Getting work done, not so much
Anyway I was ready to go for it, and called H. He answered after a few rings but had clearly been sound asleep. A past mistake of mine was choosing to talk when H wasn't in the mood. I realized from his slurred speech he was still partly asleep. So we agreed to talk in the morning (doubt H will remember, he never remembers my calls when he has been asleep).
The reason for the call wasn't the D talk, it was to talk about the house offer. I shared it briefly w/H over the phone while making dinner. Usually I try to stop everything when H wants something, but not tonight. I am too sick (literally, it hurts so bad to swallow and I keep coughing!!) and too tired to bother with that today.
Anyway I gave H a heads-up about the offer but said I'd call back after kids were in bed to go over it in detail before signing. The Realtor will then e-mail my signed copy to H tomorrow, so he can sign.
I had been 80 miles roundtrip to the doctor for my lactation issue (went to the wrong office then had to go to the other one!). Then picked up kids from daycare, drove them to babysitter :(. She watched them while I mowed in 92 degree heat with 80% humidity. I no sooner picked them up and got home, and the realtor was literally waiting in the driveway. He had just left and I was cooking dinner when H called. So I just couldn't do it...
Anyway H called a little while later to talk to the kids. They said their goodnights, I said I would get them to bed and call H back later re. the offer.
Well, easier said than done, I had promised S computer time since it had been gone for 3 days. Never got around to it with the chaos of the evening. So I let S on it while I read D her books for bed. While I was logging S on, D BROKE the sliding door on our end table, which is only 1 year old! Grr....
As I am surveying the damage, H calls AGAIN! Starts rattling off details of the offer. Me: "OK, we are talking about this right now, then?" H: I was going to....
I told him of D breaking the drawer. HE told ME not to worry about it!!! (normally he would have been the mad one). He said 2 or 3 times he would fix the drawer and it was no big deal. D has him whipped already...
Anyway, long story short (ok, NOT short!) I just got him called back at 11, and he was asleep.
Now I am glad I didn't go into the D thing tonight...
Funny, H said one of his problems was I wanted him to be my everything, (I DID, years ago....) but tonight I had NO time for him.
Thanks Jeff! I have patience issues, I have noticed they flare up every now and again. If I just "be still" as you say, for a day or so, they go away again.
So I will focus on BOTH houses, the good news we have, and be grateful that the house sold so quickly!!
P.S. I was posting my costume on your thread while you posted to me! Sorry I missed the party....
I am glad W2G was here to explain my message. Perhaps FG is rubbing off on me.
Relax. Breathe. Take it day by day.
I know you are a get 'er done girl, but the end game is your happiness. I'm not a big fan of your husband (big surprise right?), but I want you to be happy. I pretty sure a wham bam divorce isn't going to do that.
My advice is this: Write down exactly what you want from him. Exactly. Examples include IC, MC, to see him do whatever, blah, blah, blah (elegant I am not this morning).
But you need to start playing a new game with new BBJ rules. You don't just throw it all away without trying this way. At least give it a chance with the rules you want to see.
Honestly BBJ I have my doubts he is ready to change, but you have to try.
Yeah, my thoughts were to have one last go at it before meeting with a lawyer. I was even going to tell H, "I just want to clarify things before I meet with my lawyer", something to that effect.
I was going to basically let him know that I was ready to move on unless he was truly interested in working on things. If he says he is, I would tell him what I needed from him to believe that (IC, no contact w/OW, etc). If he says he isn't, I will tell him I am ready for the D.
Just my thoughts. H called again already this morning to go over the offer. Acting like everything is fine an dandy...
You need to be firm, clear and no B/S with him. He is going to agree and not follow through. Make sure he knows that you are serious. I would also start the D processes with a lawyer just to make sure your husband knows you are serious. You can always slow down or speed up to put pressure on him if he slacks off.
Tell him you need to SEE tangible progress. The "Too Busy" stuff doesn't cut it.
BBJ, this seems appropriate for what you are up against
OMG!!! LMAO Woog! I just watched this mvie last night and that is one of my favorite parts! My cousin and I say that to each otehr when we are facing a challenge--of course we are usually talking about tackling our kids' bedrooms.
Thanks for the chuckle. I needed it this morning. Sorry for the hijack BBj, now back to our regularly scheduled discussion!
SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
then had to go to the other one!). Then picked up kids from daycare, drove them to babysitter :(. She watched them while I mowed in 92 degree heat with 80% humidity. I no sooner picked them up and got home, and the realtor was literally waiting in the driveway. He had just left and I was cooking dinner when H called. So I just couldn't do it...