Hi, I'm new to the forum.

[Virtually_Handsome]

((((((Kelly Jo)))))

You are a friend. Everyone here is.

Take some time to breath. You say he is a good person, and I don't doubt that. But you are, too! Who is responsible? An outside observer would have to say that it's probably some of each, and just leave it at that.

So, you want to fight to get him back. Do it! Read, or reread, DR. Make some goals for yourself. Work on improving yourself, not for him, but for you. Don't do all the don'ts! you know what they are!

It's not over. You still have a chance. But, I'd really like you to remember this. You are a whole person with or without him. Realizing that will help you get through this, and will help you keep yourself together. The last thing you need him to see is that you neeed him to survive yourself. He doesn't want that kind of pressure, or responsibility. He is probably going though a lot or struggles, himself. He wants to see you as a strong woman, that can complement his life, and make it better. Not as one that needs to take from his energy to be complete herself.

Don't worry about moving on. Take care of growing, and taking care of yourself. Then you'll find the way forward, whatever it is.

[The Wifey]

You are right, Jeff, so right. I am reading, and highlighting and making note cards from the DB book right now. Not sure how whole I feel right now. I do know that a week, needy person is unattractive. Sometimes I just want to curl up on the bed and have a good cry.

Sometimes, like tonight, I can't stand to be home in the empty house by myself. I escaped to the library to use the wireless so I could be on here. Its all I can do not to call him and ask him to come home. Yes, I know it would be useless pursuing behavior. The urge to be close to him is so strong.

How do people find their strength?

[Virtually_Handsome]

Kelly Jo, I think they find it a day, or an hour, or even a half hour at a time. If you try to look at the whole task at once, it's overwhelming. You just go one step at a time. And know that there are friends here for you.

There's not necessarily anything wrong with curling up on the bed and crying now and then, by the way!

[The Wifey]

That is just how I feel - OVERWHELMED!!

Thank you for the kind words. I will try to start with the next 5 minutes. The library is about to close so I have to leave. I will check back in tomorrow from work.

[sgctxok]

You know what really IS attractive....your natural, loveable self. What makes you laugh.....go there.

When the going gets tough, the tough get pampered. Go take really really good care of yourself. It's good for both of you.



Jeff is the best, isn't he.

[The Wifey]

Jeff really is the best. I went through my list of "10 things to do before I call Bill" list last night and then called him. I asked how things went at the lawyers and he said he didn't go. He said he is still doing a lot of thinking. It's still one day at a time, and he still isn't ready to come home, but he didn't go to the lawyers!

He said he had a great time on Sunday and would see me on the 4th.

I know I can't over-react here, but it gave me a lot of hope. I will keep up the 180's and not chase him. I have to show him that I understand he is still working through his feelings.

Thank you so much for the moral support, guys. I will continue to work on making positive changes. I just feel good to know that he paused before he kept the appointment.

[The Wifey]

(((Jeff))))

You are so smart! I know you are ahead of me in this process and I appreciate the guidance.

I can only hope and pray that your wife comes to her senses and realizes that if the grass looks greener elsewhere that it might be because it is over a faulty septic tank.

[Virtually_Handsome]

(((((Kelly Jo)))))

I'm glad you got good news. It's a tiny step, but he's thinking.

I don't know what W is looking for, she doesn't seem to be looking at any other grass, but she not much interested in me either. I plod along.

I don't know if I am the "best", or "smart", but I feel good when I can support the other posters here, even if it is just to help them smile. So, I do what I do!

[The Wifey]

My world seems to have become so small. It is a support to know I can say how I'm feeling and know that you and others understand.

[The Wifey]

Last night I came home from class and my H was in our bed. He held me and said just love me and we ml. I fell asleep in his arms. I was so happy.

This morning he said that he is back at the house but still considers us separated. I am crushed, of course. I thought he was there because he'd decided he wanted to work on us. He said he's not at that point yet.

I started an email to him but decided that what I had in it I should say to his face.

This is what I wrote:

The subject line said this morning...

Ok..... I have to say it. I am crying uncle. It was no fair to just show up and not tell me you were going to be there when I came home from class. It was wrong for you to say just love me and to make love to me and then tell me in the morning that we are still separated. You knew what I thought; you knew I thought you were there because you wanted to be with me. I thought you'd decided to work on us.

But you aren't ready to even say you want to work on us.

I'm trying to understand how this is ok. How is this not me being a doormat, the weak little woman just waiting at home for any little scrap of affection?

No matter what I've done I deserve better. I am weak and not really sure of myself right now. But I know that I deserve to be loved. Not the I'll always love you, you know that, and the implied don't expect anything else. How dare you treat me like I don't matter? I have just enough self respect to pick myself up and tell you to stop this.

This is NOT just all about you. You are fooling yourself and trying to fool me if you honestly believe that. Don't waste my time. If you honestly can't find it in your heart move forward then say so.

Like I said I haven't sent this email. It may come down to hitting send because I might have a hard time saying these words. I want him back, but I can't have him break my heart every day.

I know this is a long road. Please let me know what you think and any suggestions. I don't feel particularly strong, but I do have my self respect to fight for.

He thinks things would be so great without me. We have had some positives and then this.