When you are in a position of power and you manage people:
(i) You do not take sides or illustrate a bias towards one person that you manage over the other.
(ii) You take responsibility for your own decisions even it is based on feedback you receive from the other people you manage. That creates a divisive and polarizing environment. For example, you mentioned that 5 posters objected to the type of posts on BH and figs thread. Now posters may be looking at each other wondering who said what. Use the word "I did ___ based on ___ policy." And always explain "why" - otherwise you create an atmosphere where people are not quite sure what was done wrong and may guess the wrong thing.
(iii) Do not use words that posters have used against them. I noticed that an irate poster used the term Nazi - and you joined another poster in talking about this poster in a derogatory manner. That type of behavior promotes score-keeping. People say things they do not mean when they are irate. DB teaches us to not engage in score-keeping. To de-escalate - not escalate situations.
(iv) Now for the issue of the disappearing and reappearing threads. Have the courage to take responsibility for what you did. I work 24/7 and check these thread when I am bored - I saw the other thread disappear/reappear. I also saw this thread disappear/reappear. You may pretend otherwise - but you and I both know. And the truth is I have seen your posts and other threads reappear/disappear. Perhaps you need to take the time to think your decisions through before you make a decision.
(v) The issue of my appearance. In my younger days, my appearance has been compared to that of supermodels. I was approached to model by a serious agency when I was younger. I met a cosmetics company rep on my last vacation that asked me to contact her if I wanted to be in adds for 40 something people that look young b/c they use their product. I love to eat so clearly that profession would not have been a good fit for me. I like being a size 8.
So yes - I face far more unwarranted inappropriate attention from some men than perhaps other women.
(vi) I was born in 1965. Yes, you are surrounded by Indians now. I suspect very few if are my age and born and raised here. If you read my posts carefully - you would see that is one of the reasons - I have not had the opportunity to date Indian men that are my age that were born and raised her. Even at the seminar - I was among the "older" crowd.
(vii) My brain/work. Yes, I am smart. I am usually the youngest one in a group. Currently most of my equals are in their 50's and 60's. Add my younger appearance to responsibilties that are typically handled by men 15-20 years older than me - yes it is a challenge. While I may post about my issues - my success is a testament to the fact that it has not way held me back.
(viii) I am not ashamed of my heritage nor do I want to hide it. If I felt that way I would have kept The X's last name. He was from Germany. I changed my last name back knowing full well that my last name would immediately be highlighted when I fly and used my passport for international travel.
I was angry that you had deleted my thread - and my reaction was not the most mature. I would think as a trained moderator you would see that instead of banding with those posters that I have a known history of a not so great R.
I have decided to no longer post here b/c my current issues are not ones that most people on this BB can relate to or advise me on. I would be better served interacting with like-minded people. A lot of the work I did on myself helped me get to the point where I realized that I have a choice in deciding who I want to interact with. And as I am getting a life, I find I have far more in common with these people.
That is not to say there are not like-minded people on this BB. But they are busy surviving their D - and well I have survived mine. Perhaps I will bump into these people in another place at another time - and if that happens it will be my pleasure to make their acquaintance.
I will respond to posts on my thread if I feel there is a point in responding to them on this thread. I will not longer be posting about my own issues. I will not start another thread once this one is complete.
I would like to request that you please delete all my old threads from this forum. I like to do a periodic housecleaning and would appreciate your assistance.
My treadmill was the first to wish me a Happy B-Day. I fell out of bed onto my treadmill - and well there is an age indicator - I had to remember to up that to 43!
I appreciate your perspective and feedback, especially because it was done in a respectful way. I do not remember deleting a thread of yours, but I will check it out.
I do not manage people in this position. I moderate a board according to the rule and policies of those for whom I perform that service. I am responding to you in an effort to promote healing.
Quote:
(iii) Do not use words that posters have used against them. I noticed that an irate poster used the term Nazi - and you joined another poster in talking about this poster in a derogatory manner. That type of behavior promotes score-keeping. People say things they do not mean when they are irate. DB teaches us to not engage in score-keeping. To de-escalate - not escalate situations.
That's good feedback. I will learn from that. I too am human. I am not a counselor. I am not a coach. I am a board moderator.
I do want to say something else you've caused me to consider. Religion. You mentioned a bias towards Christianity. I think the nature of the board attracts folks from Judeo-Christian-Muslim traditions. I'm not sure what might help other folks feel more 'welcome'...but if you have insight, I'd like to hear it.
We delete occasional threads, we do not globally delete.
I am sorry you are not happy here, I hope you will find happiness elsewhere.
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
I am sorry you are not happy here, I hope you will find happiness elsewhere.
This is your interpretation of my mental state. You are entitled to your opinion. You are in no position to know or comment on my state of mind. Please re-phrase it as such.
I have decided to discontinue posting for the following reasons:
I use to post my raw unadulterated thoughts here for roughly an hour a day as an exercise to identify what issues are in my head that need to be addressed. I practice cognitive therapy philosophies on a daily basis. It enables me to process, detach and exercise good clear headed judgement in the real world.
I find that I am much happier since I have learned to recognize and process the different issues in my life. I take full responsibility for my own emotional state and my reactions to my external environment. I am less reactive in the real world.
If you read my threads - you will rarely find that I raise the same issue twice.
I have decided not to continue to post b/c I feel that the issues I am currently facing are not ones that are amenable to dicussion in this forum.
As for the reapppearing/disappearing threads. I will not be drawn into a he said/she said discussion. I know that truth and you know the truth. That is enough for me. I do not need to argue my case and persuade an entire forum.
I wanted to add religion for the most part is not a big deal to me as long it is not imposed on me.
On the manager/moderator. You are in a position of power and in a leadership position. Most people do not realize the more you move up - the lonelier it gets b/c you have fewer people you can talk to about your work angst. I myself manage what were my peers - and I no longer have the luxury of confiding in them.
Clearly you are qualified to do what you do - I have a phenominal amount of respect for Michele and she would not have chosen you if you were not qualified. IMHO, I think you are uncomfortable and need to gain a little more confidence yielding power - it will get easier with time.
There are many instances where I do not disagree with your position. I simply disagree with the manner in which it was presented.
Now, if you will excuse me - I am off to celebrate my B-day. I will address any other comments you may have tomorrow.
I read your post on your thread. And it was not my intention to hurt you or diminish you. I did not mean to imply that you were narrow-minded or racist. I am sorry if I made you feel that way. I suspect most of your group leans left anyway.
We have not really had the most positive interactions during the course of the past few years.
There have been numerous instances where the group of names you have listed are typically on the other side of any opinion I post about.
I was disagreeing with the moderator and posted that you were all behind her based on our history of being on opposite sides.
If you're going to stop posting then stop. If you want to keep on then how about lightening up a bit. This drama is just irritating,taking up space, and IMO just like the train wreck you look at anyway.
I just had to say that!!!!
Good grief lady... it's your birthday... get off the board and go celebrate!!! Have a good one
Psa 51:10 Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.
There have been numerous instances where the group of names you have listed are typically on the other side of any opinion I post about.
Once again, you are ASSUMING this. As far as your past political rants, I actually agreed with you. There have been numerous times when I've commended you on advice you've given to others and agreed with what you said.
But.....I guess, YOU are the only one intelligent enough to assume anything. The rest of us are just a bunch of lesser educated, unambitious, average looking morons without enough sense to get out of the rain.
AG, I will never post to you again now that I've had my say and I'd appreciate it if you did not refer to me in your posts in the future.
