Actually - qoe - I was pleasantly surprised when you agreed with me recently on SD's thread.
As for the other stuff - I certainly don't view you as less intelligent. I have read your posts and actually view you as an equal. Do you think I would have noticed or cared that you disagreed with me if I thought of you as a less intelligent human being?
Truth be told - I listed your names b/c I was in a pissy mood myself and was lobbing a hand grenade behind me as I left the BB. Not very mature and very reactive - and realized my mistake when I calmed down later.
I enjoyed meeting you that one time and have no idea how and when things got the way that it did and why.
I am still planning on leaving at the end of this thread not b/c I am angry anymore (although I was when I said that yesterday.) It just feels like it is time.
My M lasted a little over 5 years. And I have been on this BB a little over 5 years.
So here I am posting 24 hours after I officially turned 43. I was born shortly after midnight in Bryan Texas - yes it is a family secret both my parents are Aggies. Well at least from the perspective of a Longhorn.
For anyone marching towards 43 - it is something to look forward too. I had TWO margaritas (that tasted quite strong) and then the waiter added flaming grenadine - well - it has been awhile - LIFE IS GOOD ON GRENADINE. And I love fire - so flames are a good thing! (Unless you have a mustache - well that is another story about a former boss about another time... )
My GF is M and has an open M. I suppose life can be complicated sometimes... She loves her H and her H and her have an agreement... Life isn't always fair - and it is food for thought... perhaps not for me - but... I do love her - I get where she is coming from...
So moving on... I met a guy that looks like Alec Baldwin at the seminar...BUT he is well - like Alec Baldwin in the --- ahem weight department... So the well it is a well known fact that I am superficial and shallow... I don't have any business cards - but I have his... He is interesting and a professor at a university. We are both EE's - probably passed each other in the hallways over 20 years ago - he is a felllow EE and Longhorn... Actually he is way smarter than me... And he makes me laugh... The EE building at UT is only 3 stories...we probably passed each other while were both there... He is a law professor a few miles away with a house there and with an apartment in city...
So - but - I am so superficial... The X looked like Johnny Depp when he got his hair cut - I know a little deficit in the facial hair department....
So do I call Mr. Professor to meet for lunch? I have never slept with a man with a gut - is that a part of turning 40... I mean I am battling the bulge myself - a bulge that aftet several B-day drinks has an edge...
Is this the type of post you were looking for lost-n-found?
Decisions, decisions, decisions... Now YTJM doesn't seem that young. He is 32. GF is flinging with a 22 year old...
Good thing I have to work tomorrow - so I can avoid facing the essence of life.
Life is good! Flaming grenadine in margaritas is even better! Although I have a concern - does lighting Grenadine on fire mean that it is burning alcohol?
LOL, I gotta believe it's always more beautiful sleeping with a man (or woman)... than alone! :-)))
Mr. Professor was a very interesting man. I really enjoyed talking to him.
He does fulfil almost all of my superficial criteria and many of the not so superficial ones. And guts - well they can come and go.... I suppose.... And it isn't a huge one.
Now mind you - as usual I have no idea if he is single! Because once again - I didn't decide that I thought he was interesting as a potential dating person till last night - a week after I met him! LOL! So of course I didn't check for a wedding ring. He does have a 15 year old son.
He is a professional networking contact as well. We'll see - just b/c I meet him again does not mean I have to date him - need to take that whole pressure thing off - or else I will run away.
Margaritas with grenadine are not so much fun the next day. And well there was that tequila shot...a birthday freebie from the restaurant...
Now given my exceptionally busy social calender - I need to feel better by 5 pm b/c that is when I am off to a Ribfest and fireworks with another neighbor. Tomorrow I volunteer at the beer tent and THEN go to a neighbors for a BBQ and THEN go out to see a band.
I have drank about a million glasses of water and two Advil. And now I am eating a yogurt hoping it settles my stomach....
I think a morning nap may be in order!
Life will be much better when my stomach doesn't feel so raw and queasy! Getting a life can be challenging at times!
I feel like I have a split personality! Hopefully I will back to AG II shortly.
Some Unusual stuff - but perhaps it is Usual for others!
First Unusual Occurence: Emailing Man rented office space from a family law attorney. She had a case with issues with the opposing side. She warned the people around her. Nut Job Other Side Client stalked her and shot her in the parking lot. She is survived by an H and a 2 year old behind. I feel awful. I worked though some confusion myself when my former co-workers and friends were killed at my old law firm. But well if you live here - gun violence is a part of life - really is nothing you can do other than comfort those that lose loved ones. Doesn't mean I am a pro-gun person. Just means that the people who are have more power than I do. Such is life.
Meanwhile - I have nixed the idea of working at legal aid clinic and getting involved in any domestic violence cause. Anyone can get a gun here. I have no desire to be shot. And I have no desire to carry a gun and be constantly vigilant like I am living in some war zone.
Next Unusual Occurence: GF confiding in me about her open M. She had her family are the perfect family portrait. Gorgeous Blonde W - Handsome Italian H - four perfect kids - beautiful house. All that glitters isn't gold... I can understand why she is doing what she is doing.... I am in no position to judge her - have not walked a mile (or even a foot)in her shoes. I do wonder how long before H angst pot will overflow...this was not his choice... I am hoping - they will both be able to ride out this period of their life...
Next Unusual occurence. I went to Trader Joes and bumped into The Original Trader Joe Man. Haven't seen him in two years - he is at a different TJ's now. I intentionally did not encourage a friendship b/c I felt there was too much chemistry at my end - inappropriate in a friendship with a M man.
Anyhow - didn't even recognze him at first. He was right in front of me talking to the TJ food preparer lady. I figured it must not be him b/c he didn't even acknowledge me.
After he left I asked food preparer lady - and she confirmed it was him. I thought perhaps he didn't recognize me. I saw him in the aisle with a whole bunch of kids and well said HI. He said HI and scurried away as fast as he could! And his W walked up and said "Are you AG? I am his W." We chatted for awhile. I really like her. She said her H had talked a lot about me and she had always wanted to meet me. A little strange since I have talked to her H all of maybe 5 times! LOL!
Sometimes I question my gut. I of course carried myself in my usual "I do not flirt mode so I never even came close to saying anyting inappropriate." But that whole friendship did not feel appropriate. I guess the way the H scurried away confirms that my gut was right. There was some certainly some weird guilt crap going on his head.
Yet Another Unusual Occurrence: So I volunteered at the beverage tent. All proceeds go to help abused kids and victims of domestic violence. And all tips go towards charities that helps the kids. I always have a great time. We ring a cow bell and very loudly cheer the people that tip - you are kinda hoarse at the end of the day!
Afterwards I sat outside with my group. A very interesting - hippie couple, a lesbian couple (one of them a registered Republican), a never M 53 year old woman, a ODD Single Man that was my age.
So ODD SM hits on me indirectly over and over and over again. Since I am use to working an places with rampant sexual harassment - good or bad - I have mastered the art of tangenting off a sentence in the "come on" into a completely different topic where the person is not even sure I understood of heard him. It is so reflexive - that sometimes I don't even realize or rememeber the specific times I do this! LOL!
I did that with Odd SM. The only time I remember I mentioned I had a BBQ that I may go to after the fundraiser - he offered to be my date. Weird - almost 3rd sentence after I met and he heard I was single. Well - I got some food and sat down ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE TABLE. And we talked - and the Never M Single Woman decided to HIGHLIGHT every time I ignored Odd SM indirectly trying to ask me out. And well they decided it had happened 5 times. Odd SM jumped into this discussion. Then it turned into a discussion of what was wrong with me! And then was I straight! And then did I fear emotional intimacy. Was I an introvert (nipped that one in the bud - my shameless solicitation of tips generated the most tips in our booth. And we had repeat tippers in our line. )
They decided that they would all go on the date with me - so I could get over my fear of intimacy. And then they all proceeded to give him their phone number. And passed the paper to me. I said NO - I do not give out my phone number to people I don't know.
And I am thinking NO! I am NOT interested in ODD Single Man and did not want to embarass him publicly! Besides who wants to date someone that would publically put you on the spot. And that pursues a person that does not even provide the slightest indiction of interest. All he can see is that he wants to go out with me w/o even looking for feedback from me or caring what that feedback is! But I continued the non-confrontation approach - feeling increasingly on the defensive.
The other people finally got that I was not interested and let it go. Single ODD Man kept at it talking to everyone and anyone - hoping I would hear. I pointed ignored every comment - but it was annoying!
I know at work - I have found a way to nip discussions I do not want to be engaged in - in the bud.
I have had this happen in the past - and usually I run away and hide in my hermit habitat. I know I have issues with confrontation and saying NO. Some people count on that - and I am working on saying NO more and more with confidence....
So all rambling aside - the basic question: When someone asks you out what is the best way to directly say NO in a manner that clearly says NO I WILL NEVER GO OUT WITH YOU no matter how many times you ask or how many angles you try this question from - so that the question is not asked again.
Emailing Man told me once that with some men you have to repeat it over and over and over again with increasing intensity until they get it. Patent Male GF told me that his W is outright rude to men that approach her and gives them The Look so that are afraid to so much as even look at her again.
Toll Booth Man - I drove away. Single Odd Man - more of a challenge....
Anyway - after three straight days of FUN - I am ready to work again! I need a break to re-charge!
I decided to Google - how to turn down someone that asks you out diplomaticallly.
Yesterday, I did the body language thing, the no flirting thing, the change the topic into a broad general topic, the physically move away to the other side of the table thing, said I do not give out my number to people I don't know thing - all to no avail.
It seems like if he does not get the best way to handle it is to be direct and say "Thank you for asking but I am really not interested in a romantic relationship with you." They do add - you can say "we can be friends." But really if it is a stranger that you never want to see again - I don't think I want to add the friend line....
Not knowing how to gracefully say NO to pushy men has been an issue. My C has always told me that the truth will set you free. If you make excuses - the pushy ones keep pushing... And I guess I have to take the direct approach - even if the other person is taking the indirect coming at you from different angles approach.
So at least I finally have a line that I can use to say NO. I will do the other stuff I tried yesterday - I will use the line if he simply refuses to get it.
Of course my social whirlwind is behind me for now. And my boss has started sending out emails - so I will do some work tonight. I have one more thing I want to finish and I WILL BE ALL CAUGHT UP at work!
I will not take all of July off - instead I will work at a steady pace and lead a more balanced life with weekends and holidays and vacations.
I really had fun working at the beer tent yesterday! I will probably join the charitable organization that organizes this event. I don't want to take on too much responsibility or make any decisions. I just want to work as a grunt.
Life is good! I am so glad that I have finally decided on a way to deal with pushy men!
AG, I like that line. We men are generally not so nuanced as you women, so saying what you mean always helps.
I had the exact opposite problem as your friend from the beer tent. If I asked you to do something and you say "I can't make it that weekend," or something equally non-commital, I assumed that you were not interested and wouldn't ask again (at least not anytime soon). Often I would find out afterwards that the woman was interested in me, just already had plans. So, the point is, I agree with your C!
SD
Me 41 W 41 Kids: S9 S7 Married 16 years Bomb dropped 2/2/07 Still living together! current thread
I hope I will be able to use the line when the time comes... It is hard for me to be direct - but the pushy variety of men approach try to leverage that to their advantage. Beer Tent Man was not a friend - I had just met him.
Quote:
I had the exact opposite problem as your friend from the beer tent. If I asked you to do something and you say "I can't make it that weekend," or something equally non-commital, I assumed that you were not interested and wouldn't ask again (at least not anytime soon). Often I would find out afterwards that the woman was interested in me, just already had plans.
If I am interested and someone asks me out - I make it clear if I am busy that weekend that I would love to go out some other time. Too bad those women lost out by not being able to communicate with you.
I am sure you are far more nuanced that beer tent guy. From your post it is evident that you actually look for and listen for feedback. And when I was at The Resort - it was different - you did't feel like if someone was interesed that they were bound and determined to enter your space whether you liked it or not.
Well at least from the perspective of a Longhorn.
I will probably join the charitable organization that organizes this event. I don't want to take on too much responsibility or make any decisions. I just want to work as a grunt.