I was a mess when I decided that I had to take some time off for me to get a life.
The management work is rare - usually is not sent outside of the company. And I am lucky that I am still standing - other attorneys are getting phone calls pulling in their work.
And my boss assured me that he will send me other non-management work to keep me busy.
Now that I am use to doing the management stuff - it is the work that pays the best for the least amount of brain work...
Thanks for stopping by. I did have fun the past few weekends. And I still have my portfolios - so I guess the glass is really half full.
The management stuff may end up being in my favor in the long run (or not - if there are further budget cuts). My boss said he was instructed to consolidate all the work. So if he is pulling work back in - well there will be more for him to send out - and if/when he can send out work - I am at the top of his list.
Meanwhile - I have enough drafting work to keep me busy - as in normal person busy through the end of August. And the management work that I currently have pays my bills.
I am going to sign up for one of the the breast cancer walks later this year. It is for a good cause and will motivate me to get/stay in shape. Upping the treadmill distance by 1/2 miles and slowing increasing the incline is creating more muscle tone... I will up it to 5k the week after next. The good thing is that while I am not losing weight - I am not gaining any weight - even after my long weekend of eating whatever I wanted.
As for M GF - she won't bring up the affair again with me while she is sober. I am surprised she told me in the first place since I tend to be more conservative than most when it comes to stuff like this. I will bring it up if/when we go out again. When she had gushed on about the 22 year old - I had been quiet probably from shock. The little guy is apparently not even attractive - she is looking for someone else that is insecure and manipulatable. Honestly - a 22 year old. What on earth does one talk about with a 22 year old? I suppose talking isn't why they are together...
N GF is a mess - but she is also an adult. Ang being an adult involves taking responsibility for your choices in life. Sometimes things don't always work out as we expect in life. And I doubt this affair will make her happy for long - she is a generally unhappy person that keeps going from one expensive purchase to another - one surgical procedure to another. She actually had her son's ears surgically pulled back when he was a baby - that one floored me too...
She won't walk b/c she loves the lifestyle her H provides, has never worked a day in her life, has never paid a single bill in her life and wouldn't know how to begin to balance a checkbook. She is counting on him not D'ing her b/c of alimony and child suport for 4 kids - and if he does D her she has built up a nice pension plan. She has a strong sense of entitlement - I have no doubt she would feel no guilt in going after the money.
Yes, I am being judgemental - so be it. I do get tired of hearing about the rich housewife woes - I am refocusing on my goal of hanging out with like-minded people. There are people that I posted about that I enjoyed hanging out with and talkng to - well I will focus on those friendships.
It's like a pendulum - it swings extremely before it settles in the middle. You worked like mad, then took much needed time for yourself. Let your life balance, it is trying to find the middle. As long as your finances are meeting your needs, the work will come. Set hours of operation for your business and stick to them. I was miserable as a consultant until I did that and it was hard to stop pushing myself. Making money is what I do best - it is still a constant battle.
M GF - I have a friend like that. Since she was my friend for about 10 years prior to her dating a M man, we had a good history together. She knew she couldn't justify it to me, but I learned a lot. Since we had other things outside her relationship to talk about, I just became silent when she needed to vent (I knew him too before this all started). It's wasn't my life and I care for her. A tough place to be but if you feel strongly about discontinuing the friendship, then you should do that.
We all think we're special. I remember telling her that what people will do with you, they will do to you. They always show us what they are capable of. And not just in intimate R's. Actions are consistent. People are consistent. They reflect their core beliefs in everything they do.
So, I do think it's a great idea to let her know how you feel. As I explained to my friend, my pea-sized brain could not comprehend her R. I share your point of view that you are M until your D is final. I dated one S man and will not do that again. There's a lack of balance in life during S, not a good environment for me to start a new R.
Take a deep breath and let go. This work stuff will sort out. You will land on your feet. You always do.
You are right about the pendulum. I am slowly approaching a sense of equilibrium - the goal is to maintain it - not toss it aside when a work opportunity walks in the door.
Quote:
Making money is what I do best - it is still a constant battle.
I hear you on that one. I am much better at meeting and typically exceeding my financial goals - now personal ones - those are a challenge for me.
I haven't decided exactly how to deal with M GF. I am still in swinging back and forth stage. We do not have a long history. I guess I don't have to decide today. I will let my thoughts percolate and settle in my brain. The right decision will come to me evetually.
My friend Emailing Man has a female friend that is single and has affair after affair with M men. He is far more compassionate. He sees that she is screwed up - but so are the men she sleeps with. It is just a mess that he recognizes is out of his control to fix.
Discontinuing the friendship with M GF will not influence her choices. She will do what she will do - I have no control over her actions. Not sure what berating her or breaking off the friendship will accomplish - other than perhaps make me feel morally superior...not exactly a laudable or worthy goal...
I need to find lower maintance drinking buddies!
Quote:
We all think we're special. I remember telling her that what people will do with you, they will do to you. They always show us what they are capable of. And not just in intimate R's. Actions are consistent. People are consistent. They reflect their core beliefs in everything they do.
I agree with everything you have said. I think that is why it takes time to get to know someone. And I believe that how one operates in one part of their lives is reflective of how they operate in other parts of their lives. People are boringly consistent.
Quote:
So, I do think it's a great idea to let her know how you feel. As I explained to my friend, my pea-sized brain could not comprehend her R. I share your point of view that you are M until your D is final. I dated one S man and will not do that again. There's a lack of balance in life during S, not a good environment for me to start a new R.
I need to tell her how I feel b/c I need to be true to me. A self-centered reason perhaps - b/c I really would be doing it for me.
I think a man that takes the time to wait till his D is final and takes the time to heal before moving into the next R has the strength of character that I am looking for. As you mentioned people are consistent - this is an indicator to me that this person is not reactive to pain and is not into instant gratification and quick fixes. I am not interested in an R with a person that is looking for the easy button in life. I want someone that is focused, consistent and steady in working towards goals in life. I want someone that has the capacity to be spiritually whole on their own. I want someone with a high enough tolerance for pain to be able to make it through the more challenging parts of an R b/c a lifetime is a long time - it will not always be fun.
I feel like I sound like a princess! LOL! I am not looking for a prince that will slay dragons to rescue me (I am quite capable of slaying my own dragons) - I am looking for a prince that has demonstrated the courage and capacity to face and slay his own dragons before I allow him into my life.
Quote:
Take a deep breath and let go. This work stuff will sort out. You will land on your feet. You always do.
Thanks AO. I will and you are right - at least with respect to work anyway.
I haven't decided exactly how to deal with M GF. I am still in swinging back and forth stage. We do not have a long history. I guess I don't have to decide today. I will let my thoughts percolate and settle in my brain. The right decision will come to me evetually.
Discontinuing the friendship with M GF will not influence her choices. She will do what she will do - I have no control over her actions. Not sure what berating her or breaking off the friendship will accomplish - other than perhaps make me feel morally superior...not exactly a laudable or worthy goal...
I need to tell her how I feel b/c I need to be true to me. A self-centered reason perhaps - b/c I really would be doing it for me.
Since she did bring this up to you, even though it took liquid courage to do so, she must want to talk about it. Being a cougar seems very popular now. Shagging a 22 year old is just that. I kept the parts of the friendship with my friend that I could. Asked questions about her mindset of the affair for my own knowledge - to help me better understand where she was coming from.
A very powerful statement - I don't have to decide today. Boy has that taken me a while to learn. I used to have such a sense of urgency in matters. Matters that seemed a burning issue at the moment, so important. And it was all my need to get it sorted, off my plate. And in retrospect, time does a bit of the sorting for us. And some things will go as they are supposed to go without any input from me. So I let them go.
Quote:
People are boringly consistent.
Indeed. Funny that when I think back to my X, in the beginning he wasn't consistent. Now I know that is because he was fighting who he was. Time brought his core beliefs forward. Yeah, that time thingy you mentioned. Everything takes time. And sometimes I feel like I have all the time in the world and other times, so little.
But there is nothing I have to decide today. Boy did I need to hear that. Thanks.
Since she did bring this up to you, even though it took liquid courage to do so, she must want to talk about it.
I think it is possible that she told me b/c she knows me and expects me to talk her into ending the affair.
I did ask her if she wanted to do the breast cancer walk with me. She said no yesterday. I think she was very nervous talking to me. I acted "as if" we never talked about the affair. And I validated some of the frustrations she is facing in her life. She is a perfectionist and feels like she is slipping. She called me today and said she wanted to do the walk with me.
It will do her good to train for the walk and get away for a couple of days with a not so wild friend - instead of going off to see the 22 year old.
I guess that is friendship - isn't it - being there through the good and the bad. She has been feeling lost lately. We'll see.
Soup, SD and you - all of you usually promote the compassionate approach. Maybe she just needs someone she can talk to - she feels very alone right now.
Quote:
Funny that when I think back to my X, in the beginning he wasn't consistent. Now I know that is because he was fighting who he was. Time brought his core beliefs forward.
Your X must have been The X's clone! The X admitted to changing himself to get my attention and impress - but those types of changes rarely stick. That is part of the reason why I am so into that time thingy.
Thanks for your posts today A_O. It helped things settle a little more in my brain. The interactions with M GF will be one step at a time and I will adapt based on feedback.
I saw M GF this morning - she lives in the house right behind me. She loves gardening too - we chatted about how I may be losing the only shrubby that I allowed the landscaper to plant! All the stuff I planted myself is doing well.
Anyway - in the past I think she was always a little afraid of me. And while I posted up a storm here as I swung back and forth from empathizing to judgning - I may be the only one that has not torn her to shreds. I have not said I support/not support what she is doing - but rather I tried to dismantle the reason she was doing what she was doing. Quite a challenge when you've been drinking...
Today - for the first time, she seemed a little more relaxed with me. Me - Ms Have Not Been On A Date in a million years - is probably the safest person on the planet - her H knows that W is unlikely to meet anyone while with me b/c my expertise lies in driving away potential romantic interests - not in attracting them!
M GF is excited about the breast cancer walk - which means I can no longer waffle myself! LOL!
I do talk to her H all the time to - but it is like conversations with most of my male friends - work/finances centered.
I will do something else the next time I am with both of them. I don't want to post about that b/c it involves a "resolved issue." I posted about it years go and it is done as far as I am concerned - I do not want to open up a discussion here.
I think I am going to stay in and paint my bedroom this weekend. This last weekend - I left the hermit habitat and ended up with so many UNUSUAL events - that I need to hang out in an issue free zone (or least where the only issues are my own. )
My bathroom scale and I are going through a trial separation and the scale has moved out of the bathroom and into my closet. We need some time apart. Clearly the scale's refusal to budge even a pound after TWO months has created some compromise issues. I am hoping the scale will decide to come around in a week or two and give even a little - if I am ready to stand on it again. I should be grateful that my clothes have decided to fit - breaking up with them would create a whole different set of issues!
Life is good! Yes, I have to work for a living - but such is life.
So I still have those 5 pages to write on that last project that is an albatross around my neck that I have bee posting about for weeks...
I have decided I will stay up all night if I have to - to finish it. The night is young - so I am still procrastinating.
I am going out to lunch with a person I met at the last seminar - and he knows Mr. Professor (Alec Baldwin look-alike). So I will investigate Mr. Professor's marital status.
Mr. Professor is an Ph.D EE and a patent attorney - typical overeducated Indian. He has done the private practice thing and is now Dr. Academia and head of the IP dept. at a major university law school - we had some good idealism vs. reality discussions. I have never been involved with anyone with a little extra weight - but he is very charismatic, confident, quick and witty and made me laugh a lot. He is not Bengali - so he doesn't speak my language. He is actually taller than me - a rarity when it comes to Indians.
The one thing I liked about my M is that The X and I were a power couple. I want that again. I want a professional equal. I want the type of R I have with my male girlfriends w/o the girlfriend part. The X was a very good looking man - and one of the smartest men I have ever met. He was also a EE! LOL! All my male girlfriends are EE's and patent attorneys - seems like I definately gravitate towards EE's!
All the men that have intrigued me since my D have been through work - and all of them are overachievers that are seeking to balance work and life.
The thought of the possibility of an R is unsettling b/c I am so settled in my life. But I don't have to decide the rest of my life today. And just b/c I get involved with someone does not mean I have to M them or even have them move in with me.
Emailing Man will be in town in August to visit his best friend Mr. Cardiologist. We are all suppose to go out. They are both M - but Emailing Man thinks his friend may have friends that may appeal to me. Mr. Cardiologist is in his mid-40's and just got M a year or two ago for the second time after being D for 12 years. He and his 40 something W just had a baby. We will see - hanging out with like-minded people will lead to at least friendships with other like-minded people.
I also need to email the lady and her H that I met at the fundraiser. The H mentioned he goes to a lot of fundraisers and will let me know about them - he said there are lots of single professionals there - that are not afraid of successful women.
I will confess - I really am very settled in my ways. It will take a lot to yank me out of my R inertia. I want to get out more and have fun and if I meet anyone that intrigues me - I will panic about it then. There is no need for pre-emptive panicking about what is not at this time.
Life is - well I will finish that sentence AFTER I finish typing these last 5 pages. This is a 45 page document - and really it shouldn't take me more than an hour or so to finish it. I really HATE picking up work that I thought was finished months ago...
The albatross has fallen off from around my neck! The patent goes out the door in the mail tomorrow. The very last work I will do for a start up and/or individual client again.
Humongo client - there is financial stuff going on... I am a little concerned... I will give it till next month - and then see if I need to go after a Humongo Client II. Sigh...I was hoping to enjoy the whole complacency thing a little longer... Good thing I am always networking - worst case if Humongo Client has issues - I have options that I can pursue.
The pro bono clinic is tomorrow. I really don't feel like going - just not worth the risk. The whole shooting at my old law firm a year or two ago rattled me. No one could have done anything - the shooter had a hostage as he went from office to office shooting my former colleagues... And that was in a post 9/11 downtown skyscraper with lots of security.
And the recent shooting of the family law atttorney that was sharing an office with Emailing Man - there was nothing she could have done. The shooter was hidden and she was gunned down while she was walking to her car... There are too many weirdos out there and they all have the right to buy a gun. It is just too risky.
That is also part of the reason I will no longer take on individuals and start ups. And they are also a higher malpractice risk. Corporate clients are much safer - less emotional. Worst case with a corporate client - you get fired and live to find more work.
Life is really good! I am soooo glad that I finally finished that awful albatross project.
I will post about R stuff - later - I am off to relax and watch a movie.
I thought was I was going to finish out this thread...
But lately, I really don't feel the need to post as much anymore.
Yes, life has its challenges - but they really have nothing to do with The X or my D anymore. I am not even angry with The X or have any real regrets that I M'ed him. In the sense that there have been many phases in my life - some good, some bad, some mixed - and the M was just one of those phases. And the end of my M really pushed me to work on myself these past 5 years in a way that I never would have - had I not gone through The X phase of my life.
I owe Michele and the people on this BB a huge thank you - especially those that literally carried me when I first started posting.
If I feel the need - I will return to post again.
As always - life has its ups and downs - but really Life is good!
