I thought I'd stop by and thank you for following my stich and see what was going on with you...F me!! All of this seems utterly absurd.
Congrats if you read it all. There is quite a bit.
WAS's are utterly absurd.
Listen, I had lots of good people on this board "help" me. I don't owe them for helping but feel that I should "pay the help forward" I watch what posts I can and comment when I can and I think I have something to offer. At times I feel like I can get in the way and make things worse so I stay "still" when I feel that. I have friends here that I support. I've made promises to people here and told them I am with them till the end. If a Newbie yells at me to help them then I attempt to help. If a Newbie posts and the sitch is similar to mine then I offer stuff up especailly about what not to do(I'm the King of What not to do and backslides) hell I'm a Pro at it..
You hang in there and you come back. You post whatever is on your mind, whether question, 2x4, joke, pat on the back, anything.
Because..it's all been posted on this thread and the previous threads. It's honest, it's all laid out to bare. it's buck naked at it's finest.You guys know more than my momma knows about me.
Pay it forward. It's the right thing to do.
By the way, Thanks for the compliment about helping on your sitch..I can be a DORK at times and not accept a compliment.. I LEARNED THAT HERE!!
Last edited by M from Tennessee; 07/17/0810:47 AM.
Now I don't know what they call this in Tenn., but here in the midwest we would call that a bit of flirtin. Are you sweet on this woman? HAHA! Hey doesn't hurt the PMA to test the waters of a 'hot' woman.
sweet on her..No, I would not say that. I would say I have empathy for her situation. She has 3 kids, a small business owner. No help from EX H with the kids. He's an abuser.
We talked R talk a bit, some about me, some about hers. I know more than I once did and think a little different. I know how people get "here" now. I told her how I thought she got "here"..actually I told her that I knew the reasons she got "here" and she agreed. She said she bitched and nagged her previous husbands and that's why she was D'd. I told her the reason she bitched and nagged was because she was not getting what she needed from her M. She smiled and agreed with me.
About 3-4 weeks ago I was there and got my hair cut and this guy walks in. He sits down and makes himself at home, like he owns the place..he talks to her and then leaves. I asked if this was her EX. She said no, she was dating the guy but really wanted rid of him. Said she would never have what she wanted as long as he was around. I let her know he was like a tick..you could tell he was a "hanger on" type guy. I let her know that I thought no guy would ask her out if he was around..
I did not see him yesterday. he was not mentioned. I don't know if the tick is gone or not.
I wish only the best for her. I consider her a friend. She prays for me. She knows my sitch almost as well as you guys. She validates me and shows me empathy..it's nice to have a woman to talk to.
I know how we got "here" I wish I would have known earlier. I wish I could have figured it out earlier. I know how not to get here again..if there ever is an again..again..
yes, I would call it "flirtin" LOL
I hope I made her day..she deserves to have a good day. she's been through the ringer...the ringer is hard. I'm sure it's harder if you have 3 small kids and own your own business.
I knew what you were doing bro just alittle ribbin. Isn't it amazing how this has become 2nd nature? She sounds like it's been a hard road and the tick sounds like a real blood sucker nice guy! A pair of tweezers or a hot match would get him to back right out LOL!
I can totally relate to this the gal that cuts my hair just listens and gives opinions from a womans point of view, we have known each other for 25 + yrs so she knows me pretty well & just wants me happy, she thinks W just needs some time to put things into perspective. You are a very caring man and I'm sure she senses that and appreciates your insights.
You will have it again my friend, we all will, patience.
I have no doubts you made her day, cause you listened!
Brian
I know you were..
I also did not say that I would resist a good "clawing" from her once all is said and done.
As far as I can tell she is doing OK. Not much time with daddy the last week or so but will get her fill the next few days. Lots of time together.. it will be nice.
Journaling--I think from here on out this will most likely turn into a journaling event for me. I don't see any actions which lead me to believe anything will ever change. I expect that with triggers approaching I may need a shoulder to cry on at times but hopefully I've been through and now know enough about triggers that the ones coming up won't affect me as bad as they have in the past. Approaching triggers as I see them--me moving out, the transition period for my D, the next mediation, and finally the court date when my M will be dissolved.
So with that I'll update the last two days. Yesterday, got off work went straight tot he house and moved the washer, dryer, stove to make room to do more work in the kitchen..I worked on a couple of light switches then left there and went to FunFest with my family. Had a real good time with good food. My PMA is surprisingly good. I'm detached. I don't think about STBX at all. She is not my worry anymore. I left Funfest and drove home. Got home about 7:45 and spent time with D before Bed. No interaction with STBX at all. D went to bed and I packed up bags for tonight so I could stay at my sisters..
on to today, up early and out for work. Worked all day..got a note from my C today. She wanted to know how I was and wanted an update so I gave her one. It was very nice of her to email me and totally unexpected. She is a good C and has helped me so much. I let her know how much I appreciate her. I may end up having to go back and see her later but now I don't feel I need to talk to her..got off work and back over to the house. Installed the ceiling fan in the LR and guess what, it worked. I'm really proud of myself, those things suck putting them up by yourself..got that done then back to Funfest, more food, more fun..I'm at my sisters now. I have to get up early in the morning and run out to the area where Funfest is going on to lay down blankets to save a spot for us for tomorrow evening's fireworks display. I will then run over to the house to do some more work, another ceiling fan to put up in the master bedroom. I'll leave about 1:00 to pick up D tomorrow at 2:00 so she will get to be with me and my family and see the fireworks. tomorrow will be a late night for me and D. I'll get her home late, get in bed then get up early Sunday to go back and work on the house some more, then Sunday evening my bro, and two sister and I have an appointment with a photographer at a local lake to have pictures made for my mother's upcoming B-day..she does not have any professional casual pics of her kids. I know she will love this and it will also give me an opportunity to get some good pictures of us. I'm really looking forward to it.
So, that's it. If you've read this far I want you to know, you don't have to respond. I understand. There are lots of Newbies coming here daily. They need help. They need our help. The sheer volume of Noobs sometimes gets me down, then I get lifted back up..so my point is..help them, you don't have to use time to respond here..
Have I told you guys lately??
I love you..I appreciate you all. You guys are cool. You are my friends..you are the best.
If my counselor emailed me, or called to check up on me.. I now know what that means. Go in and see her, pronto. She has your back.
I found this place feeling absolute pain, and was an emotional wreck. Being called a newbie added insult to injury but I figured it was the price of admission.
Mike.. stop telling people what to do when it comes to caring about you. Sheesh.. can you spell control freak??
Alright.. I take it back... maybe you should have ducked.
