Hi everyone. I thought I better start another thread. Haven't opened one in a while b/c I figured my post were pretty boring to most folk....lol. What I mean by that is that the lifestyle my H and I live is probably slow paced compared to a lot of couples here on the board. Anyway, just to let you know, things are gradually getting better and better as time goes by. We still have our physical problems we have to deal with and I have been concerned about my H's health. He seems to have gone down quite a bit this summer. I don't think he can handle the heat like he used to and he has looked kind of bad. I worry about his heart condition. I feel that I am to blame b/c of the terrible time I put him through........but then I get frustrated b/c he won't go to his doctor for a heart check-up. Men!!
He has been very good to me. He does a lot of "acts of service" which is not my LL, but I think it is his. Somebody said that we can usually tell what our spouse's LL is by what they do toward us. Makes sense to me. He has always done that when he wanted to show his love in a special way.....(usually when he wanted sex...lol) he wouuld do some kind of work around the house that is usually considered the "woman's work"......and he would do it without me asking. So, now I am praying that I can get to feeling better physically so I can try to show him acts of service for his LL.
He still does not give me my true LL, but I don't think he knows how. I have tried all these years to get him to open up and "talk" to me about us and our R and the future and making plans or dreams, etc. I would love for him to validate me. But, more than that, I would love for him to tell me that he thinks I'm sexy and beautiful and all that mushy stuff....lol. Now, for my confession.......he has said some of those things, but I suppose not in the way that I need to hear it. The OM was so different from my H and how he said things was thrilling to me. Perhaps it was b/c the OM was notmy H and did not have to say those things. He didn't feel obligated to say things in order for me to feel better about myself.......so, it was his "style" and how he expressed himself that turned me on and made me feel great. After I stopped the contact and was going through the "grieving" period for OM, I realized that it was all the things he fed my ego that I was having "withdrawals" from, more than him, the man! Yep, he was smooth! And, he probably told other women the same crap he was telling me.....lol. He was very, very convincing and had me thinking that I really was the only woman he talked with or had any type of relationship with (if you could call it that). I guess you could since I refer to it as a EA, but we never met in person. I don't know how I would have reacted to him. Don't know if I would have been totally turned off when we met in person.....or if I would have fallen into a "spell" and it would have taken forever to have come out of it. I'm just so glad it never went that far. What I did experience was enough to do some real damage to my own personal spiritual status, my marriage, and my relationship with my children. I felt terrible guilt where everyone was concerned b/c I had sort of been the "role model". It broke my heart to think how I must have disappointed my mother b/c I had always been the "good daughter" she could depend on. But, I have told all of this before and if you are new and just reading this, you can catch up on all the sorted details if you want to follow my thread....lol. But, I'll warn ya....it's long.
The point I want to make now is the fact that my relationship with my children is much better. As some of you know, I was worried about my D, especially. She has a new love and is happy now. We have concerns about our grandson.....but that's another story. The R between my H and I has slowly improved and we continue to show each other affection and tell each other we love one another. We are getting our lives back again and if feels good!
I know what some that have followed my stitch for a long time will think......"but you were not happy being where you were before in your MR". That is true, but here is the point I want to make........that place was a much better place than where I went!! Plus, it has taken a long time to get back to that place, and I have decided that it isn't so bad after all. Yes, it needs improvement, but it took me a long, long time to be able to get to the point of wanting to even get back to the place we are now. So, whether or not I had a MLC.....it doesn't matter enough to argue the point......but I did have some type of crisis that affected everything in my life! I mean everything!
Perhaps it is medication or everything combined in my life at this time......I don't know, but I am not experiencing some of the emotional and mental stuff that I was before, and that has helped. Some of you may remember how depressed I had gotten and could not seem to find the right medication to help me. Hopefully, I am on the right combination of meds now. I still suffer with the pain and the terrible fatigue of the Fibromyalgia, but I do have a good doctor that is working with me on that, so, I'm dealing.
As I told one poster......"peace" in one's life is a good place to be. In fact, I think peace is better than what we think "happiness" should be. Some of us work so hard to find happiness or to be happy. I've noticed especially those in this forum that are trying to piece the M together again, that they evaluate everything and worry if something doesn't seem to go the way they think it should. If people could try to relax and stop walking around on egg shells and just look for the "peace" in life......I really think it would be a great place to find what we are looking for. At least it is a good starting point. However, I also realize that when one has come so close to loosing the spouse they love dearly......it is very scary when a bad day happens and they worry that it may be a sign that things will turn bad again, so I certainly don't want to sound flip about what I'm saying.
I suppose I am just rambling, so I will stop. Just wanted to start a new thread so I would have a "home" for people to stop by and visit me. I've had some to ask where my thread was, so I had to re-open mine.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I moved to Piecing from Newcomers (probably too early)and very happy to have you here as a neighbour :)!
I'm glad that things are going better for you and I hope that your H's health will improve.
Quote:
What I mean by that is that the lifestyle my H and I live is probably slow paced compared to a lot of couples here on the board.
I, for one, will enjoy reading about your slow paced lifestyle!
Slowing down and finally getting off the rollercoaster seems like a distant dream to me at the moment
I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders ____________________________________________________ M 46 H 45 D 17 M/T 23 Bomb #1 (ILYBNILWY) 12.06 Bomb #2 (OW) 12.07 Bomb #3 (chose OW over M) 9.08
I remember you from when you first started posting. It's so nice to read about how things have improved in your M! Keep up the good work! I hope your and your h's health improves.
Thanks for starting a new thread for yourself. You have been so hopeful to me with this journey and I am so happy for you that things have improved in your M. I just hope that I can say the same thing in the future.
Have a great day and don't be shy about posting on my thread :-)
Chris
Me 34 W 33 D 4 S 2 M 5 T 8 Bomb 6/17/08 Served 7/17/08 I hate Tuesdays! Current Thread
Just wanted to stop by and say hi! It's been a crazy two days as my sitch entered into another phase with me being served. I am amazed that I have yet to flip out about everything and that still has W confused. I have a new thread over at newcomers. Feel free to stop by.
Chris
Me 34 W 33 D 4 S 2 M 5 T 8 Bomb 6/17/08 Served 7/17/08 I hate Tuesdays! Current Thread
Hi LS, yeah I kind of "flipped out" myself when I finally got back on line to see what had happened to you. Then when FG did his usual thing with me and my post.....I replied to him on your thread and I apologize for that b/c you are under enough stress without me and Forrest getting into a boxing match. This in nothing new with him......so anyway, didn't mean to make matters worse.
I have to admit that I was angry when I sent that post to you b/c I know you've done all you could to abide by the DB rules and yet she walked all over you and played her little games. She may have been sleeping with the OW right there in the house while you were in your room and thinking this was just a new friend she had coming over. Man! I know you are concerned how this will affect your children. I think you knew what I meant by doing everything you could to get custody of the kids and everything else. When a person does what she has after you have done right by her, then I believe in protecting yourself.
The scripture that someone brought up about "doing unto others as you would have them do unto you" was used out of content....I think. When it comes to business (which, now it has), you have to protect yourself and the kids. What if our country used that scripture when Japan attacked us back in WWII? Where would we be? So, I just use that as an example of how things can be taken out of context.
Anyway, it is your business and how you feel personally about two women raising your children in that environment, but I would have a hard time with it and the influence it could have. I know that probably won't set well with some, but that is my own religious beliefs. I don't even reply to anyone's threads who are gay and come to the DB board for advice. That is their business, their lifestyle, and I don't agree with it, so I just stay away from it.
So, sweetie, you know I wish the best for you and anytime you want to talk to me, you know you can come here to my thread and open up all your frustatations.
I certainly wish you the best.
Take care of yourself and the children. Keep in touch.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Yes, I will be glad to take a look and do anything I can to help. Guess I kind of got touchy about things and over reacted. Thought you were attacking my post, so that is why I was ready to get my guns and meet you in the street at high noon. Oh, I forgot, you aren't as old as I am.....probably don't even know which movie I am referring to...oh well. I'll hang up my gun holster for now.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Hi Forrest, I have read the first two threads and will read the last one today. You know what this makes me think of? AmyC and her H. He just would not let go of what happened in the past no matter how hard or how long she stood for her M. Some men just will not forgive and trust again, but I hope I am wrong about this one. Anyway, I will read the third thread today.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
