I guess I still struggle with "what could be" or "what might be". Not only for my sake, but my S8's as well. Why do I even bite on these scraps she throws? That's what they are to, fk'ing scraps. Even after 3 years of emotional disconnect I can't put this to rest.
13 years ago, she pursued me like a love struck teenager. She called me 3 or 4 times a day, sent me endless emails, left notes in the pockets of my coat and in the sun visor of my car. Surprised me with gifts. She showed up at my apartment door at all hours of the night just wanting to please me sexually. I gave in and fell in love against my better judgement. I had just divorced two years prior, was young, advancing in my career. I was happy and content. I already had a Son, I didn't desire anymore kids. There was no reason to marry anyone or fall in love.
I wish I could turn back the clock but take the wisdom I've acquired the hard way back with me.
This is my last night on night shift. I go on two weeks of vacation starting this morning when I get off, then back to day shift for 9 weeks. I need the break! I need the time with my 2 sons up at Lake Erie fishing. I need some time with my friends, I need some time alone without OW or the stbx on my mind.
I scheduled this vacation back in January. Turns out to be perfect timing. I need the time to think and reflect on where I've been and where I'm going.
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
13 years ago, she pursued me like a love struck teenager. She called me 3 or 4 times a day, sent me endless emails, left notes in the pockets of my coat and in the sun visor of my car. Surprised me with gifts. She showed up at my apartment door at all hours of the night just wanting to please me sexually. I gave in and fell in love against my better judgement. I had just divorced two years prior, was young, advancing in my career. I was happy and content. I already had a Son, I didn't desire anymore kids. There was no reason to marry anyone or fall in love.
I wish I could turn back the clock but take the wisdom I've acquired the hard way back with me.
16 yrs ago for me. Otherwise ditto. If I'd rip from every calendar the day I met the X.
Quote:
She has 3 Men boiling inside her emotional kettle. She was married to two of us and engaged to the other. Talk about your baggage!
How would your kids feel if your X returned then dumped you again? What red flags do you see now as opposed as before?
Not to dis Shoe's description she is a smart lady but I wonder if the X is grabbing for the biggest prize and when you are not the big prize she goes for another?
"All I want is a weeks pay for a day's work" Steve Martin
How would your kids feel if your X returned then dumped you again?
That's been one of the BIG variables I've been considering. He's finally adjusted to Mom's place and Dad's place. I definitely am considering that Swimmer. I don't want to see him go through that adjustment again.
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
Tom, there's something I'm seeing here. May be accurate, may not. But, I feel like this perspective may offer something beyond idle chit chat today.
I get the impression through all of the conversations above that she's trying to get back the relationship you had before. I'm going to go out on a limb and bet that's not what you want. Call me Captain Obvious, but, you DO deserve to be the prize. And it seems like she feels you should instead just fall back into the routine, in line with the fantasy in her head, or in her purse.
Sounds like she's not wanting a new relationship with you. Just more of the same. Sounds like you have a new relationship in the works that IS all of those good things.
Tom, there's something I'm seeing here. May be accurate, may not. But, I feel like this perspective may offer something beyond idle chit chat today.
I get the impression through all of the conversations above that she's trying to get back the relationship you had before. I'm going to go out on a limb and bet that's not what you want. Call me Captain Obvious, but, you DO deserve to be the prize. And it seems like she feels you should instead just fall back into the routine, in line with the fantasy in her head, or in her purse.
Sounds like she's not wanting a new relationship with you. Just more of the same. Sounds like you have a new relationship in the works that IS all of those good things.
Food for thought and just my $.02.
BH,
I think that is very true.....
Before, there was a list of what needed to happen before they would get back together...... I would insist on going to C........ That would NOT be negotiable........ She has lots of issues to deal with...
My 25 cents due to inflation....
NMD
"Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years. That is what makes a marriage last --more than passion or even sex!" - Simone Signoret
tom, I don't know her but it just seems to me that she needs a lot of help before she's really ready for any relationship...well, any healthy one. good luck and enjoy your vacation!
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
I had a great vacation! To many positives to mention for now. I spent a great deal of the time fishing with my two Sons up at Lake Erie. Lot's of walleye in my freezer. Fish fry anyone? We really had the best time together laughing and joking around. Pretty care free two weeks for me.
As far as the reconciliation goes, it's not going to happen. She is not going to give up her "friend" in prison and I'm not going to be the "substitute" for the next two years. She crashed hard with her first H. She said she didn't feel anything for him and they broke up. Wow, a whole 3 week relationship! I could be wrong, but my instincts tell me he dumped her, not the other way around. She doesn't have it in her to give of herself to another.
It doesn't matter. We are finalizing the paper work and getting a D. Although this is not the conclusion I had foreseen 3 years ago, I have accepted it. I am happy and content and enjoying life. I feel pretty confident about the future no matter what I have to face. I have many things to be grateful for.
I have a low tolerance for drama so I'm going to put this to rest for good. I wish her luck and I do hope she finds some peace in her life in the future. I will check in once in a while with some of my friends and to possibly offer some of my experiences to someone else that might be going through this. I probably will not be updating this until I get a court date. I guess the actual D will be another stepping stone in this that I will have to experience.
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
Hey Tom...well first off - so glad you had a good time with the boys. I have so many amazing memories of fishing with my kids. A great thing to share.
As for the D. Well welcome to the club bro. We're pretty much going through it at the same time it seeems. Go read my thread...pretty much sums up anythign I could say to you anyway.
Don't be stranger. Onward and upward. Life is too good to piss away.
I had a hunch you'd come to this exact decision. You got too much good on you to let go of you. You've got a lot to offer all of us, that's why your posts are followed no matter how long you're away.
