Neil, Please go back and read my last post to Phil. I believe he needs us and his anger is a smokescreen. Don't you give up on him. I do know what I have to do for me. That doesn't mean I can turn away from someone that is in so much pain that he can hardly think. He is worth it. Everyone of us here is worth it.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
That's exactly how the last 4 weeks had been. Lots of holding, hugging, ml, but also distancing and pulling away at times. H also said, I won't be hurt again. I told him nobody could promise he would never be hurt.
Be good all day for you. I intend to be.
Last year we went through this. That was the second bomb in 19 years. She said that there was no chance of her working on the marriage and she "would hate herself" if she gave in this time. Well she gave in and I think she spent the last year hating herself, because I just went right back to old me.
Fast forward to this year and the most recent bomb, and the same words that your H said...."I will not be hurt again". I heard that as recently as this past week. She does not trust me that the changes are real and that I will not hurt her.
She spent the last year building the courage to tell me it was over, and if she changes her mind now what does that mean to her? I understand how she feels. She wants to be strong and stick to her decision. If I truly have unconditional love for her, what right do I have to try to change her mind.
DB and GAL is the only option. They have to come around on their own.
Kjo- i know. he needs to want to have help before he can get it tho. his constant harassing of nice people who offer him advice and wisdom does nothing but make him appear ignorant.
but
i see your point.
ME:32 WAW:31 D #1: 3.5 D #2: 2 Together: 13 M:6 Bomb Dropped: 2/15/08 Sep legally: 6/18/08
"Tommorrow there'll be sunshine, and all this darkness past..." -Bruce Springsteen Land of Hope and Dreams
He's hurting. That is what I see. He is at the WTF point. He appears hurt and angry.
Ndsmhelp, We will make permanent changes. We HAVE to. Or we will both lose the most important people in the world to us.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
You are quite a person! I can't even post to Phil anymore! And I can usually get along with anyone here. He isn't listening, Kelly Jo. I've followed him from the beginning, he has to be right, he is a control freak to the extreme, and it is a wonder his W stayed this long. She might be crazy as a loon, but from what I've seen, I sympathize with her!
I'm hurting. I'm hurting because I can see that he is more convinced than ever that he is doing the right thing. The problem with our s has only made matters worse.
On the other hand I'm kind of calm and focused. My grateful message today:
Today my grateful is a bit complicated. The other night when I went to (my Sister's) I did so because I hurt so bad. It gave me empathy for how you are feeling and why you need space to think. That is also why I said I would go there tonight.
I understand how bad you hurt. I understand the need for space. I am grateful today to understand.
I love you.
I doubt he'll answer, but it is what it is.
I need to give him the space tonight. Tomorrow we go to a grad party with his parents. Not sure where we go from there. I'm on the long road now and ready to keep at it.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
He said he likes to read them. Rarely, he even responds. I asked if he wanted me to stop them and he said no. It gives him a little window into what I'm thinking.
I think he likes to know that I am grateful for what I have. Especially, that I am grateful that he is still here.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
One Day, I saw your post before you deleted it. I did need a 2x4. I consider it an honor that you wrote me. I'm backing off. I'm giving space. No texting or emailing all night, I promise.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
Oh Kelly- thank you for responding even though I deleted the post- I was worried it was too mean, which is why I took it away. I can put it back if you want a record though. Let me know.
I honestly think you're doing really well in a hugely difficult situation. if it wasn't for Jack and Jeff 2x4ing me when I started, my situation might be much worse!
