Piecing is definitely a hard place to be. Months back I would have been ecstatic to hear that she wants our marriage to work or an ILY.
But....when you finally get here, there are times where it seems like it is not enough or it's not progressing fast enough.
Maybe it's just that after all I have been through and the fact that I realized that I would be fine if she did leave puts doubts in my head when things are not going as I would like.
Do you ever feel this way?
Patience!!
I just checked my signature and realized that everyone should be a year older then what it says. We have been at this too long! We registered 7 days apart.
N_A, I also SOOOO envy you. My H and I have been piecing for months now and there is still no talk of us ever moving back in with each other. Instead i get to listen to my H talk about his goal of buying a camp on his own and renting a new apartment around town because he hates the one he is in.
I do hear the ILY's but I am not seeing it much in his actions and it is so scary to me. So I know adjusting to his moving back in is hard, but it is something that each of us here dreams about. So I guess, try to be happy and not let the past creep in too much. If it does, learn ways to not take it out on him. I have done this also, and it always backfires and leads to a fight in which he threatens again to be done with our M.
Keep your head up, you sound like you have a lot of progress to be happy about. TIPPER
Hi na- Just stopping by to say hi. Don't be too hard on yourself if things get to you from time to time...hopefully you have learned to communicate your frustrations with your H in a way that is constructive.
It is wonderful that you are still looking for and appreciating the positives...that is something we all need to do on a daily basis...and we also have to remember that we can still be happy even though life isn't perfect.
I think you are doing great...keep it up because I am trying to follow your lead.
I definitely know what you mean. I had lowered my expectations so much while h was "away" and now my expectations are back up there again. But... I do know we've come a long way from a year ago. (I remember those early days on this site when you were the only one who would reply to my posts!)
I've been trying to think positive and be patient- two things that do not come naturally to me!
Tell me more about what's been going on with you and your w. Did you start counseling?
This is copied from an email, so I don't know the source:
The happiest people don't have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything they have. So please remember: Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God. And remember- the richest person is not the one who has the most, but the one who needs the least.
N_A, Great quote. These are words to live by. So many people in this world (not just our MLC S) are very aesthetic and need to feel like they have all the toys in order to look cool. I like to take pride in my appearance, but other than that - I could care less about the things I own. I try to teach this to my Health Classes at the H.S. I work at, and the kids always laugh when I tell them that money doesnt buy happiness.
I actually see my H starting to feel more and more like the quote suggests. He has always dreamed of having boats and camps, but now I hear him saying more often that he is happy & greatful for what he has. I hope he keeps following this new found wisdom because it has been a pleasently surprising change. TIPPER
I think another part of the problem is that during the sitch the WAS is SO convinced that the M shouldn't have happend, or didn't happen for the right reasons, that when you do start piecing, and things are going right all the time, you start to wonder yourself if they weren't right all along.
But, the problem is, there is NO perfect person for us. the only perfect person for us is our Lord because he is the only one w/o sin, so while there may be better matched people, no matter WHO we end up with, there will always be someone who does this or that better, and we could nit pick about much if we really wanted.
I also think us LBSers can get that desire for wanting things to move faster. We think, when they finally come home, that we can just work everything out bang bang because now they're back, but it just doesn't work that way. It still takes time, and sometimes piecing is even harder!
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
I'm feeling very stuck right now. I feel like h is not trying very hard to improve things. He just moves along, continues his bad habits, the worst (to me) which is not following through on things he says he's going to do. He said he was going to put away/go through some of the stuff that's been sitting around since he moved out of the condo. He hasn't. He said he was going to call/write to try to work out a big debt he has with a credit card company. He hasn't and the collection agency continues to call here. He said he was going to hang a new toilet paper holder in the bathroom and he hasn't. He said he was going to read the SSM book and he hasn't. I could go on and on. I'm just tired of the lack of follow through. It makes it hard to believe that he's going to do anything he says he will.
He stays up way too late, so I usually go to bed alone.
He's overweight and I'm worried about his health. He doesn't do anything about it, continues to eat whatever he wants, doesn't exercise, is overdue for a checkup. I would like the kids to have their father around as long as possible.
I've been trying to be positive, so I don't usually post these kinds of complaints here, but I just felt the need to vent.
Last night I tried to initiate a conversation about us, telling him some of the things I want, in a non-demainding, mature way, and he agreed with me but didn't really say anything else.
I'm tired. No positives today. Thanks for listening.
We registered 7 days apart.
Thanks for listening.