Jun 06 ILYBNILWY Dec06 W tells me that we should separate ( unknown to me having PA ) Late Jan 07 I find this board and order DR June 07 W admits A and its over , I got a heartfelt appology and W says she will stay. July 07 W moved out leaving me with kids. Jan 08 W moves to cottage and we share custody of D12. More recently she has been involved with at least 2 OM , both kept secret , one out of town and married.
ow this may seem crazy , given the ultimate goal of having my family back together , but I hope W takes plenty of time to get her life together , I would love to see her go to a C , but dont see it happening. I actualy dont want her to come back right now as I know it would be for all the wrong reasons. Now isnt that a turn around? it was not long ago I was freting about her leaving. I dont even know about long term , there is just going to be so much to deal with it almost seems overwhelming . I dont even know how to express how I feel right now , I have been giving so much on an empty tank for so long and now I dont have to.
Quite honestly not a whole lot of progress in that year. Our R is more distant than it was then but a lot less of a roller coaster , much more stable. W has still not made any move in either direction, towards reconciliation or D .
So I managed to stop the train but now dont know what to do with it. Looks like it may sit and rust if I dont give it a bit of a push.
Last night I ot home and W was here with D , she actualy asked if they could come over which is a first. W thinks I am involved with OW to some extent. So I was at the bike club and a lady I know gave me a hug as I left , this lady is heavy on the purfume so I knew I would have it on me . I sat next to W and i could see her from time to time stick her nose in the air and sniff . She said nothing. LOL . it was completely inocent but I never said anything , no harm in her wondering.
Today was a nice afternoon and I invited W and D out for a drive. Its been a while since I have invited W anywhere. I got a message back about how they needed to do this and that etc. I just sent a message back , not to worry , there is no stress I have other things I can do. I got a message back " we will go see you at 2 " . So we went out and had a nice afternoon. W was a bit awkward to start with but loosened up as the day went on. They stayed for dinner and W cleaned up later ( 1st time for a while ) . Thanked me for the afternoon and left with D.
this lady is heavy on the purfume so I knew I would have it on me . I sat next to W and i could see her from time to time stick her nose in the air and sniff . She said nothing.
Reading this cracked me up!! I can just picture her....and you, innocently sitting next to her.
Quote:
They stayed for dinner and W cleaned up later ( 1st time for a while )
Looks like this was your reward for peaking her curiosity.
Sounds like a nice, relaxing day, creating some good memories.
Nice to be off the rollercoaster for a while, although this is true I think;
Quote:
So I managed to stop the train but now dont know what to do with it. Looks like it may sit and rust if I dont give it a bit of a push
Push doesn't have to be forceful, look at the reaction you got from a little perfume!
I think this US trip is a plan to some degree... don't get the sense you've done this much of a getaway. It will be a significant change in W's life for that time as well...who knows???
Its going to be interesting how she goes without me around. It was only last week she phoned me because a headlight bulb had to be changed in her car . I was in another city 4 hrs away at the time.
Good to catch up on your post and thanks for stopping by my thread. You were saying that there's not been a lot of progress in the last year, but I wonder what is different about you? You've come a long way on this painful journey, seems like in a way it is impossible to not have some change within yourself. Key things you've learned about you during this time, for example? You seem really grounded and "with it"!!
You raised some very good questions. I think that I have grown a lot over the year. A good friend asked me about it the other day and I said that on the whole I have had a good year. I have regained my sense of humour and am looking after myself better . I have better relationships with my Kids but the one important thing that is above all else.......................is
I CAN BE HAPPY WITHOUT W .
I guess the most important message in all this is that we LBS's need to learn to be happy with ourselves . The focus has to go off the WAS and the now broken R . It takes a lot of time but it is possible.
I guess the most important message in all this is that we LBS's need to learn to be happy with ourselves .
Isn't that the truth!
"Happiness doesn't depend upon who you are or what you have; it depends on what you think." Dale Carnegie, an excellent DBer.
It is a whole new world when the focus goes off the WAS. Amazing how your patience level increases in some ways=not needing the R, & decreases in other ways=not putting up w/cr@p.
"I would love to see her go to a C , but dont see it happening. I actualy dont want her to come back right now as I know it would be for all the wrong reasons. "
I feel exactly the same way. H needs to finish what he is dealing with, minus me.
M: 16 years Bomb 4/07 OW 20s long gone Divorced 11/09 I remarried New Guy Cooperative r w/X regarding D
Thanks for your response to the questions...that place of realization sounds pretty good to get to. I'm not there yet, but hopeful that it will happen eventually. How was your weekend?
Purr , the only downside to being realy detached is that you start to question if the M should be saved. At the moment I am not convinced my original Goal still exists. W has been stable and distant at times so the sitch has been reasonably stable.
W contacts me when she wants something , other than that nothing. Unless she visits. Dave
