CAKE-EATING

[enlightenbylife]

The other day when (yet again) my STBX was attempting once more to have sex w/ me (we r going to pre trial this Monday)I told him I was not goign to let him cake eat and he kept saying " I'm not ...I'm not", then what r u doing? he said....as
he thought his words carefully..."Its not cake , its pie"

lol

[sgctxok]

I just had a bit of an "A-ha!" moment, and wanted to share this thought.

I'm thinking that it may make a difference if the betrayed spouse is offering up unconditional love (no boundaries, no ultimatums, etc.) as an intentional STRATEGY, as opposed to some that CLAIM it's a strategy, but their past marital and interpersonal history shows that it's probably just more out of fear and passivity than anything intentional.

IOW, the betrayed spouse can withstand the humiliation/emasculation that comes with "cake-eating" if they KNOW that they are doing it selflessly, intentionally, and as a strategy, as opposed to those I've counseled (and we've all seen) that are just plain "afraid to make her/him mad," and are not really feeling good at all about what's being done to them.

????? Just a thought.

Puppy

I think there's some truth in that. In 'GETTING THROUGH TO THE MAN YOU LOVE", Michele says something about sometimes if your techniques' or strategies aren't working .... it could be that you haven't put your heart in it.......and that leads me to this 'other sense' that maybe we haven't figured out a way to hide.

You 'KNOW'--often anyway, if your spouse is sincere or has an ulterior motive.* They know this about YOU, too.

So it follows....they probably KNOW if you're being fearful/passive, or doing some real giving.




(everyone...don't take that and run with it ... if you're on the OTHER END....ACT AS IF their motives are GREAT)