sandi....i appreciated your advice that you gave on my sitch...now, if you could pop over again and check out today's developments..that would be swell. when you get a minute...thank you so much..
ME:32 WAW:31 D #1: 3.5 D #2: 2 Together: 13 M:6 Bomb Dropped: 2/15/08 Sep legally: 6/18/08
"Tommorrow there'll be sunshine, and all this darkness past..." -Bruce Springsteen Land of Hope and Dreams
and again....if you could stop by and give me your opinion on my thoughts from today...i would greatly appreciate it...i'm in a better place because of what you said....honestly...
ME:32 WAW:31 D #1: 3.5 D #2: 2 Together: 13 M:6 Bomb Dropped: 2/15/08 Sep legally: 6/18/08
"Tommorrow there'll be sunshine, and all this darkness past..." -Bruce Springsteen Land of Hope and Dreams
I have had several to say they were going to stop by my thread and read it, but then they probably see there isn't much to it....lol! That's not a slam on you guys (my friends), I meant that I have not said too much about my life lately. I say more on other people's posts than my own.
Everything is about the same. GS is not living with us now and that has caused a combinaton of relief and yet we miss him. But, I think him moving out was a good thing for him as well as for us. Like I said before, we have had somebody in the house with us almost our entire M life.
When I read of some of the other women's husbands......it makes me realize how blessed I am to have one that helps me around the house like he does. For an example, this week has been really bad on my Fibromyalgia and I have come in from work and I just crash. Can't cook, can't do any housework....nothing. He never says a word about it. He is good to wash dishes when they get piled so high (lol) and decides I'm just not going to get them done. He does not complain about having to make do with whatever for supper.....and his mother was a fantastic cook. He was used to that old fashion home cooking (so spoiled) and so it is really big of him to be like this toward me. It lets me know that he accepts and try to understand my health limitations. He knows I have to try to work as long as I can due to insurance, etc., so that pretty well comes first before house and cooking.
I do wish I could see him put forth a little effort now, but I understand how he would feel.....at least you men have helped me to understand better. I have tried to show more "warmth" toward him and he seems to appreciate it, but he does not push it.....and I appreciate that. Believe it or not, it isn't so much the "fall-out" of the OM and the EA for me as it is the stuff before all that happened. I'm tired and worn out and it is hard to start fresh with a "beginner's mind" when you are our ages. However, I remember that that was exactly what I was thinking at the time I was fantasizing about OM and being with him. At that time, I felt young and active and pretty. Now, I feel old, over weight, tired and ugly. It is almost more energy than I can muster up to go to work every day, much less try to do personal improvements with myself like I was working so hard to do when I was in EA.
I still do not have that sexual attraction for my H. Maybe it is just as well since things are as they are (health wise for me and him), but I still find an "emptiness" in my heart and life. I know I love him and I will always be with him. I love my family and I do not want to ever do anything again to hurt them or disappoint them. I just wished that I could feel like I once did and have the energy to do the work and things that I did when I was younger. Even though my H never did anything on his own......like surprising me by doing something special......it helped me by being able to do things. I feel like I have had to give up so many activities in my life. Somebody said I must stay on this board a lot to post to so many people. Well, that is about all I have to do every night. We eat a little and he watches TV (which I am totally burned out on) and then he goes to sleep.....and I come to the computer to be with you all. I have tried harder to attend church regularly. That was once my "life".......I had so many jobs in the church that it kept me so busy....and I loved it! I hate this disease! (Don't guess any disease is one anybody would want! That was stupid to say.) It has robbed me of too much......especially the past five years. I was diagnosed about 10 years ago, but I don't know how long I had it before finding out what it was.
Okay, enough of that. Just kind of pouring out my soul there for anyone that wants to hear about it...ugh! I just repeat myself b/c nothing has changed. But if/when it does....you all will be the first to know!
I love you all.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
