Thank you so much for those kind words. It was good medicine for my soul. I have tried to back away from the board before when I would realize that my patient with people were getting too short or my words a bit too harsh, or my feelings would get hurt by something somebody would say about WAW's ......placing them all in a boat together. But, it is hard to stay away for more than a few days. I have made this part of my life and it is just so hard now to go to bed without at lest checking on a few folks and seeing if things are okay.
You are right though, I was spreading myself too thin and trying to be a Ms. Fix It (I suppose).....I never realized that, but I did want to be as much help to as many people as I possibly could.....and there are just too many here on this board!! However, just as I was telling a few of you that I was going to take a few days off from the board, I would find a post where a person would be asking me to please read their stitch,etc. That is hard to ignore. But, I will try to cut down on the length of my post......however, I don't promise....lol.
Don't be afraid to talk to me about anything! I can take about most anything people throw at me, but like I said, I was getting "frazzled" and saw that my feelings were wearing thin when some harsh things were said about WW, so that is why I took a few days off, plus I had that death in the family and that, of course, took priority. She was a relative and a good fried that I will miss a lot. But, bless her heart, she was one that thought I had a perfect MR. Isn't that somethings? How things look to the outside world and yet can be so different behind closed doors.
Thanks again, for your sweet words. It has soothed my heart and I suppose I needed that. Goes to show you that this isn't a one way street community, doesn't it? We all need help at times.
Take care, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Sandi - I couldn't agree more with Mr. Fix It. I've been reading a lot on the site and I find your name everywhere! You are a Godsend to many people here and your words have been so helpful to me, I can't even explain it. But, you need to take care of #1 first. We'll all still be here with all of our problems, so don't worry if you don't answer right away. Just know that you are making a difference in many lives here and you should feel very proud of that. But don't push it and please, please, please, take care of yourself and your family.
Thank you so much! Edgie.
Me-44, W-45 Together-25 yrs, Married-21 yrs D-17,S-15,D-13,S-10 ILYBNILWY Bomb: 10/2007 Status: Divorce Mediation, Still under same roof My Story
Sandi, your name has poped up on many different post. You are one very busy woman and I can tell you are also very appreciated. I hope your D is doing much better. I dont want to be another person pulling on you when you already have too many directions to go, so I am just going to ask you a question here instead. Sorry if you have already answered this at some point in the past, but you have soooooo many post out there I did not find the answer. When you finally decided that you wanted back into the R, did you just try to ease back in or did you jump? Was your heart telling you that you still loved your H but your head was saying no? THe reason I am asking is because my H has been really reaching out to me alot and I am wondering if these are signes that he is wanting to be with me but too scared because of the hurt he felt when he left. Make sence? Or it could just be he is relieved I am his friend and now he no longer needs to feel guilty for the A he had. I would rather believe the first.
You have seen many sucess here. How does the WAS start to get back into the R that they ademently claimed was over? I believe there is a struggle that occurs way before the declearation of wanting to R and that is why they can send so many confusing signals. One minute buying your favorite cookie and leaving it for you, the next scheduling the mediation appointment for D. Just wanted to know your opinion. Thank you so much.
Broken Hearted ------------------ Me - 36 H - 37 S - 8 Married - 1992 ILYNILWY - August 2007 Moved Out - March 2008 OW Revieled - May 28, 2008 Filed for D - July 2, 2008
Dear brokenhearted, thank you for your sweet words and for your concern for my D. She is not well, but she said things would have to get worse before she would consent to go through those terrible tests again. As a mom, that is hard to watch.......going through the tests and the suffering.
I lost a close relative/friend this past Saturday and with everyting else kind of building up on me at work and all, I could see that I wasn't handling myself quite the way I need to be here on the board. But everytime I try to back away, it is so hard to do for longer than two or three days. (lol) I just feel that if I can say or do anythingthat might help just one couple from divorcing, it will be worth it to me. So, when someone like you sends a post like this.....well, I can't help myself.
Quote:
I dont want to be another person pulling on you when you already have too many directions to go, so I am just going to ask you a question here instead. Sorry if you have already answered this at some point in the past, but you have soooooo many post out there I did not find the answer. When you finally decided that you wanted back into the R, did you just try to ease back in or did you jump? Was your heart telling you that you still loved your H but your head was saying no?
Never feel that you are pulling on me or that you are being a burden. I take it as a compliment that anyone would even want my advice. Although I feel that my stitch is somewhat different than most here on the board, I do think I can identify with the feelings of a WAS very well! To answer you question about easing back into the R or jumping........I can tell you there was never a "jump" at any time....lol. I have not read your entire stitch, but I did read a few of the posts and I saw where it appears that your H is trying very hard to reach out to you. I also saw where you were......shall we say, not making it very easy for him? (lol) Well, maybe he doesn't deserve to have it easy, I don't know b/c like I said, I have not read the stitch. Just be careful and don't over-kill if he is sincere in wanting to make things up to you. It seems that he is trying to do little things he thinks will please you and maybe "romance" you a bit?
My advice, sweetheart, is if you still feel in love with this man and if he is sincere and consistant with his actions and "walking the talk"......then you may want to consider allowing him to get closer to you and not play the "hard to get" game quite so much. However, if he has not had time to get whatever was the problem (OW, MLC, or whatever) out of his system.......he needs to be completely healed and have that "problem" over with--before you allow him to get involved with you again unless you want to risk another heartbreak. It takes a lot of time to get over things. I think some couples try to jump right into "Piecing" the M together again when they just need to focus on trying to get healed first. So, to answer your question, it was very slow baby steps for us. Since my stitch was a little different, I think that had a lot to do with it. It was "my" feelings that I had to work on...and I'm still having to work on them. Everyday is a baby step toward the right direction. As long as a couple is doing that much.....it will add up very quickly.
I will try to read up on your stitch so I will know more about it. Thanks again for caring. I appreciate it.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Sandi, you are so sweet. Thank you for your reply. I understand what you mean about these boards, sometime they draw us in a little too much but you do have a calling.
I think it is funny that you see me as acting hard to get. Here I am thinking I am putting too much effort into him. I compliment him, joke with him and act flirty with him when ever we are together. I have sent funny emails to him and even invited him to a concert (felt that I came on too strong with that one so backed up). The way I figure it, since I dont want to persue but do not want him to feel rejected, I contact him or initiate something with him about 1 time for every three of his. In my mind this gives him space but also (hopefully) triggers his need to persue me. Not trying to play a game with this, just trying to let him come to terms in his own time without feeling pressure from me.
I agree, we both need to be in a healthy place for "us" to work. As odd as it sounds, his leaving me was a gift because it forced me to grow and take care of my issues. For the first time in my life I am at peace and have confidence. I have said this before, I do not need him, just would like to have him in my life as my partner. He still has some growing to do, just now coming out of his sever depression. He is working very hard on trying to find himself as well. Its funny, when we talk, some of the things he says makes me remember the way I felt when I first started this journey....for example, he still tend to blame others for how he feels. It shows me he just is not finished with the task of self discovery yet. I have to let him go to do what he needs to do, but am hoping that he does not grow away from his family but towards us instead.
Thanks again for your encouraging words and all of your strength. I am so sorry to hear about the passing of your friends. My thoughts go out to you and their family. As a parent myself, the hardest thing we have to do is watch our children suffer, but you are being a wonderful mother by supporting her when she needs it the most. Like they say: We can not control anyone but ourselves. Take care.
Broken Hearted ------------------ Me - 36 H - 37 S - 8 Married - 1992 ILYNILWY - August 2007 Moved Out - March 2008 OW Revieled - May 28, 2008 Filed for D - July 2, 2008
Well, I don't know if it is my computer (again) or if it is something going on with the DB board. I can't open "my stuff" or the "activie" forums. If anyone else is having this problem, please let me know. I'm afraid I'm still having computer problems. At first, I could not even get the list of forums or anything to open, so if I can't post.......oh dear.....whatever will I do???? (lol)
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
