Hi AG, I remember one of your previous threads was about balance. Seems like you are getting a bit more of that these days...good for you.
I know what you mean about feeling a bit off when you cut back on work. I went through this at first last year when I cut back from whatever stupid hours I was working to "normal person" hours. However, if you pursue your non-work related passions in this time, you will soon find that you need this time to achieve your balance. Work becomes more enjoyable...as does the rest of your life!
Of course, now I am wondering if it is possible to get paid the same and cut back another 30% on my work hours!
Take care, SD
Me 41 W 41 Kids: S9 S7 Married 16 years Bomb dropped 2/2/07 Still living together! current thread
I know what you mean about feeling a bit off when you cut back on work. I went through this at first last year when I cut back from whatever stupid hours I was working to "normal person" hours.
Thank you for sharing this. On the weekends I have decided NO WORK - I feel down, guilt, anxiety and paralyzed and have been fighting the urge to not just give in and work. Work has turned into this thing that has burned me out - yet it is the one surefire way I know to get out of a funk using that adrenaline high again...
I think I am cheating b/c I use housework/gardenwork to replace work work...
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However, if you pursue your non-work related passions in this time, you will soon find that you need this time to achieve your balance. Work becomes more enjoyable...as does the rest of your life!
I have set a number of different things in motion - I think it will take 3-4 months to start to see the results.
Work is not enjoygable right now - b/c I fell behind in exblishing reasons to not work... And it feels like my choices right now are the void/guilt/anxiety/depression when I not work or the tired feeling when I do work.
I didn't use to be this way pre-D. I buried myself in my career as a mechanism for surviving the D... I am working on it... We will see...
This vacation will be a good first step with the goal being taking at least two cellphoneless laptopless weeks off every year.
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Of course, now I am wondering if it is possible to get paid the same and cut back another 30% on my work hours!
Why do you think I have plans to expand my firm with workhorse associates?
The impact of the transition from working insane hours to being able to have a life hours caught me off guard. I thought if I cut back on work - well I would instantly be happier and all would be good.
I didn't realize that there would be this "withdrawal" period where I would feel anxiety/guilt/depression/paralysis and a sense of worthlessness. I am feeling a little more rested now and feel so guilty I am going on vacaton when there is so much work on my desk and things that need to be donw around the house and with respect to the adoption stuff - well really I feel better than I did a week ago... This is all wrong...
I wonder if this is why some people drop dead months after they retire - they feel lost and depressed...
This weekend - I cleaned out the cabinets, cleaned out the refrigerator, did the kitchen hardwood floors on my hands and knees, fertilized the lawn - the front yard only but that is the larger part. I have landscaped the back so there is less lawn...
I actually started the morning doing nothing and as the day wore on I felt increasingly depressed - until I dived into housework and then felt better... I cancelled the volunteer party b/c I was in the middle of cleaning. I cancelled going to the single meet up b/c well I was going on vacation and felt guilty taking time off during the work week... So I am cheating. I just used a different type of work to fill the void... I feel guilty and weird having fun for the sake of having fun...
The GAL is work in progress. A month or two ago - I wouldn't have had two social occasions to cancel. I need to figure out some goals to help me ride out the anxiety/guilt/depression on the weekends w/o finding a new type of work to fill the void...
And the truth is I am not as effective at work. I am burned out and tired. I get a little energy - ramp up to get done what needs to get done and am tired again...
Lately I find myself unable to relax in my garden or even read a book. I find my mind wandering when I watch movies. I am very restless.
I am so glad that I have this vacation coming up. This time next week - I will be "under" the ocean swimming with the fishies! I wonder if it is okay to fill all my time on vacation with activities.
Life is good - I am just out of whack...and therefore incapable of embracing what is right now...
We're picking up Jayce on Wednesday morning. Daily reports say that he's doing really well. We sure miss the little guy.
I am so very happy to hear that Jayce is doing well! The little guy will be so happy to be back home with you and Ellie and his other furry friends.
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Seriously, this sounds like you need to get back to meditation to still your mind. Have you been doing your yoga and meditation regularly? ...
I am a cancer - you know the emotional ones!
You caught me... I haven't gone to yoga in almost a month. The new yoga teacher is great when it comes to a workout and stretching out muscles - but not so great when it comes to breathing. We simply do not hold the poses long enough for me to relax into them and release. I will try another local yoga studio when I get back from vacation.
I did get a deep tissue massage yesterday, spent 15 minutes in the steam room and did some yoga and deep breathig on my own yesterday. I am a walking mass of pain today from my massage. Apparently my neck was fused to my shoulder again.
I am feeling a little more relaxed. At this point - they key is to not ramp up again every time I have a little more energy than before. I need to let myself relax completely.
I am receiving email about upcoming event with respect to a local social/athletic meet up group I joined. There is a seminar with a panel of 6 male and 6 female speakers on what men and women are looking for in R's. A seminar on the meaning of life would probably yield more answers. In any case, I signed up to go. It will be interesting to hear what people have to say. They have also set up an outing to see Sweeney Todd and another one to go to the Tina & Tony's Wedding dinner theater. There are some athletic events but they are competitive - I try to stay away from competitive stuff b/c I am incapable of not competing when faced with a challenge. I want to keep my workout stuff non-type A.
The events are all spaced out to where it is an event every month. I still feel a barrier to commiting... Feels decadent to schedule so many fun things. I think if I sign up and just do it - it will get easier over time.
I am glad that my vacation is coming up. I am starting to get excited about going. It really is a day camp for burned out professionals. Very spartan accomodations - and no cabana boys. Very very silly activities - you do these dances called crazy signs before dinner every day that are led by the head of the village and the staff wearing very silly costumes - and you look utterly ridiculous. You hear those silly songs in your head for weeks after you leave. The sand is so fine - it is like talcum powder.
There is just something about this place where you can go and just leave reality at the door. And there is an intellectual component to the conversations - but they are about things that don't matter - at least not the days that you are there. It is a haven for geeks like myself.
I am feeling relaxed just thinking about my vacation. Life is good.
I don't know when this happened... I use to go on laptopless/cellphoneless vacations all the time.
I really went a little nuts and buried myself in work to survive my D - and now I feel like I emerged an addict...
Once again today - as I relaxed - I started to feel down. And then felt the urge to jump and do something productive.
I feel like I should be caught up with respect to housework, adoption stuff, gardening, work - everything. I feel like it is my fault when I fall behind b/c I should be managing my time better. I feel like a failure every time I see something that needs to be done - that I am not doing!
I feel guilty when I take time off b/c I feel like I don't deserve it b/c I am always behind - that I am procrastinating and avoiding doing what needs to be done...
I talked to my insane neighbor. She said she feels the same way - but that is just how life is... She admits to feeling like she is going nuts if she doesn't check her email/voice messages while on vacation. She is okay with it - accepts it as normal. I don't want to do that...
How weird that my goal is to not have any goals till I return from my vacation!
I feel like I am in the middle of my own version of The Fight Club. If my brain decides to be depressed - so be it - my physical being and my mental part of the brain that works is ON STRIKE. The depressed part is simply going to have to accept that it can be depressed as long as it wants - I am not going to jump and do something that is productive.
I am going to fight it. I didn't use to be this way before. I use to go on really interesting vacations all the time. It use to be a joke at work that I was always planning my next vacation.
There is nothing that needs to be done today that can't wait till AFTER my vacation. So I am going to NOT WORK even if it kills me.
Life is well fists are flying in my own version of The Fight Club...
I wonder if it is okay to fill all my time on vacation with activities. 
