Okay, pretty good weekend. We had D's birthday party together with my niece's yesterday at my mom's. Good turn out, lots of fun. Would reflex about once an hour what H was missing, but didn't dwell on it. The thought came in and left just as quickly.
D absolutely LOVED Walking with Dinosaurs on Saturday. If it comes to your area and you get the chance to take the kids, I'd say to do so for sure! It's only a 2 hour show, so it's not long at all and the time goes by quickly. Plus they throw in a 20 intermission in that 2 hours too.
FIL is in for surgery today for an aneurysm in his stomach. H emailed me letting me know he's out now and will be in recovery for a few hours. I'm sure everyone there is relieved.
I'm getting more and more sad I think from trying to let go more. Plus next week will be 2 years since H left. Maybe that mark will help me pull myself together and change this sitch somehow.
two years seems like a long time, i know, because my h has been gone about that same time excluding the time he came and went again. BUT the time sure has gone by so quickly.
hang in there--you can do it.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
I'm not sure I can. I think it's been too long and not a whole lot of progress made. I took my wedding ring off yesterday too (for the 2nd time in the 2 years). It makes me sad to not wear it since I'm committed to this M, but it helps remind me that it's not the M that we used to have and maybe that will help me let go.
Having a bit of a hard day today. Woke up VERY VERY late today....at 8:25 when I have to be at work at 8:30. I just couldn't fall asleep. D's at my mom's this week and when I went there after work last night, I can see that she's always treated less favorably than my niece. ALways has been too. I got so tired of it last night I left there and cried and cried. And I couldn't get a hold of H to watch D instead, so it sucked even more. I was very alone and it all sucked!
Now I get an email from H today asking what happened. I ignored the question and asked how his dad is instead. He's coming out of the hospital today already (WOW!). And then H goes on to say how we'll do lunch this week since he won't have to be at work at all (since he's watching over his dad).
I just don't see improvement here at all and I need to learn to ignore H as well as he ignores me and D.
I am sorry your daughter is not treated very well over there.
As for your H, let it go (if you can) and let God work on him.
Look at my H, his life is starting to crumble a little at a time and yesterday he was dealt a really big blow, I think, by getting the ax at his job.
Last edited by steelersfan; 08/19/0805:09 PM.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Dar - My daughter has always been sort of a black sheep, too.
There is absolutely no cause for it but it's my own mother that treats D12 different than my son (15) and my niece (10). It used to frustrate me so terribly and I cried a lot too. It took one day about 2 - 2 1/2 years ago when my daughter and I were riding home from my mom's house and my daughter said "Mom, why doesn't Nanny like me?" for me to finally really address it with my daughter. We sat in our (back then) driveway that day and talked for about half an hour. I told my daughter all the wonderful qualities she has such as her bubbly personality, etc...I reminded her of all the people that have always come up to us and remarked how warm her personality is (ever since kindergarten this has happened) and how kindhearted she is and how beautiful. I told her that for whatever reason, my mother has always seen fit to choose "favorites" ever since she was a kid (as told to me by my grandmother years ago). I explained to her that my mother's behavior was unacceptable and that it was my mother's loss because she would never know what a wonderful child D12 is. I then told her that she would never be made to go over there again and stay with my mother and to this day, she hasn't been. Once in a while my mom calls her to see how she's doing and once in an even greater while, D12 will ask if we can "go by and see Nan". I take her. She gets her fill rather quickly. My biggest hope is that my daughter not be harmed by my mother's inability to love more than one person at a time and I will do everything in my power to make sure D12 knows it's not her fault and that she is wonderful just the way she is.
Just the other day I was at my moms and she told me that someone at church remarked to someone else that my daughter wears too much eye makeup. I can assure you right here and now that is NOT true. She wears very little and the tones are very subdued because her father nor I would let her out of the house otherwise. But mom started to criticize something she hadn't even seen for herself and I called her on it immediately. I no longer sweep it under the rug. For years my grandma and my aunt told me my mom didn't treat D12 fairly whenever they would all get together (when mom babysat for me). But it took my daughter realizing it and commenting on it to get me to open my eyes and address it. I did also address it with my mother.
My sister only has the one child. I suspect if she had another, the oldest would be the fave as my S15 is. It's disgusting and we hurt for our kids but we need to just be extra sure to lift these girls up so they know they are not lacking anything - it is their grandmothers that are lacking.
I am so very tired of being put last. It's time to change something so I can make myself the first priority. If no one else can, then I can right?
I sent H a message the other day but he said he hadn't gotten any messages from me the past few days, so I resent it! The message pretty much tells him that I can't do this and that I won't fight for him any more. I've let him go and the door is open for him now as far as being tied to me goes. I said if he decides to talk one day, then we'll see at that time how things are going. I told him he was a good husband when he was around back then and I thanked him for that. Then I told him I will continue to keep him in my prayers and wished him the best of luck and much happiness. Now I've got to remember I sent this and focus on doing for me and D. F him, F his family, F my family and their attitudes right now too.
Bravo Dar, (Naej cheering and clapping) Well done Dar, to use one of your US expressions you found your b**** The world is now your oyster.
I hope the email was for real and not some game plan though. Do you really believe what you said and are you going to live it.
Go for it girl, live the live you are intended to live. Hugs all round. If you think you may forget your words print them off and put them somewhere you will see it every day. Then do some post it notes with positive affirmations on and put them where you will see them all the time. Your d deserves to have a mum who loves herself and has respect for herself, it will rub off on her and stand her in good stead for the future when she has difficulties in life. Like the famous Barb says when life gives you lemons...... Now keep it up.
Well done Dar, to use one of your US expressions you found your b****