Any day now

[peacetoday]

NG
I have wondered that as well
It would make sense to take everything if your moving out right
My H took little and Ive boxed out everything else
I told him to take it..he said No???
He had some new and never worn clothes that he refused to take
now he wears the same clothes
he looks terrible most of the time
My H bought a 5,000 TV
one with 5 speakers flat scrren ect
2 months pre bomb
I never wanted that tv it was his dream tv
he left it
does that make sense?
peace

[Upside]

Hi NG-
When my H left, he took very little...only some of his clothes and his golf clubs. He did take a few tools and some of his artwork to his office prior to the bomb. He took no furniture, no electronics, nothing from the kitchen (and he likes to cook)and he left all of his family photos. My H even left his father's poker table which is his most prized possesion. My H immediately went out and bought new clothes and as soon as he rented an apartment, he bought some new furniture, new electronics and new kitchen stuff even though I offered to let him take some things from the house.

It is a bit of a mystery why they don't take all of their belongings. My guess is that it goes along with their way of thinking...it is like they want to leave the old life behind BUT at the same time they want to keep some kind of attachment to it just in case they change their mind.

I hope you are doing okay. I know it is so hard to get your mind around all of this. I have trouble at times still. Learn to be happy and enjoy life despite all of the insanity.

(((HUGS)))

Upside

[Nature Girl]

toh,

thanks for visiting my thread

I did take my rings off. I cleaned them up really well and they are so so shiny! I decided that I'd take them off as a symbol for me, that I am letting him go. I am still standing, but I have to let him go. The way he is right now I wouldn't want him anyway.

I have a heart shaped wooden box that my mom gave me a long long time ago. I'm going to put them in there as a symbol of my unconditional love for him. They and it will be in a place where nothing can harm it, while my focus for now will be on me and my kids.

I hope you are doing well.

[Nature Girl]

hi new!

I guess it must be the 'start over' thing. My H is buying a ton too. He seems to think we can afford it. He says we make a lot of money. We do make a lot, but we spend it all and have no savings (except what goes directly into retirement) whatsoever.

He always said we are lucky in a way to have his inheretance so that the kids college is mostly covered. Now I believe he is spending all of that.

I am working on listing all our bills. He implied he didn't want to worry about splitting up financials and said he doesn't want to fight about money.

We don't fight about anything so I'm not about to start fighting about money, I don't really care about money, but I do care about paying our bills.

Reading about the struggles of reconciling makes me wonder if that is what I really want. But it must make it worth it when you get some positives from your spouse, even minor ones, as long as you can see some longer term progress. Right now all my positives come from myself and my kids.

[Nature Girl]

hi peace!

I think my H bought that same TV a couple months pre-bomb! My kids tell me he has bought a similar one for his own place. I really have no desire for those 5 large extra speakers - UGH!!!!

It so totally does not make sense!

[Nature Girl]

Hi upside!

I guess it makes me feel somewhat better that other spouses leave all their possessions, even family things from before we knew each other.

Since I have the huge house and he is just in a 2bdrm condo, I guess he doesn't have the room for much of his things either.

I forgot to say this to peace...
I wish I could say my H looked bad or miserable. I saw him this afternoon when he got the kids and he looked really good.

[Silver Fox]

Hi there, I'm new here & yes my H did the same thing. One year later & all his clothes, bikes, & books are still here. At times when I dropped the DBing & complained about how hard this has been for me, he would say "it's been hard for me too, do you think I enjoy living in a one room apartment?"

Well, buddy, this was your CHOICE!!!!!

[Nature Girl]

I wanted to vent, but after replying to everyone, I have calmed down somewhat. So I guess I'll journal a bit and some venting might surface.

H had the kids Monday and Tuesday nights. I worked late and kept myself busy.

Wednesday night the kids and I went out for sushi after D's practice.

Thursday I picked the kids up from camp and we came home. S asked if he could call Dad to see if he picked up the Wii for his place and I hear him ask H to come over to play street hockey. S hangs up and says "I invited Dad over to play street hockey." I just said that's great.

H shows up not much later, he plays with the kids and I ask if he wants to stay for dinner and he does.

Earlier in the week we had planned (actually, he had told me the plan and I agreed) that I would have the kids Friday night and he would get them mid-day Saturday and have them for Saturday night. Today he calls me at work and says "what do you want to do about this weekend? do you want them one night and I'll have the other?" I said "yes, you told me I'd have them tonight and you'd have them Saturday night." He says "okay" then a pause "oh....I have this client party Saturday at 4:30. Maybe it would work better if I have them tonight and then you can have them Saturday night. Unless you have plans with them tonight...I could get them later on Sat, like at 6 or something."

I had no plans so I agreed. But I was kind of PO'd that he had to change it all after he was the one to make the weekend plans in the first place. I got over it.

Then, he had picked up the kids from camp and taken D to practice today. I had to swing by at the end of practice to give a form to the coach and I wanted to give the kids hugs and kisses since I had planned to be with them tonight and the plans were changed on me. As we were walking away from practice, H is asking the kids if they want to go to a certain restaurant. Right in front of me without asking me to join them!!!!!

He claims we "are best friends" and he knows I wouldn't have plans since I had planned on being with the kids and yet he talks about where to go for dinner while I am standing there. I don't think he was trying to hurt me on purpose, but it hurt, A LOT. It was insensitive.

It did make me realize that my H is naturally insensitive. He used to come home from work and tell me how the support staff at the firm always calls him insensitive. He could be very loving and caring for me and my feelings, but he could be insensitive many times to me even in the best of times.

His other good qualities always made up for that with me. I loved him.

[Nature Girl]

Sorry you are here Silver Fox!

[Nature Girl]

One last thing I'll write about my day today...

I found out from my sister that my mom is miserable, possibly depressed about being married to my dad. They have been married for 45 years. My mom is 65 and my dad is 67! A 65 year old WAW?!?!?!

I could tell something was slightly off when me and the kids met them in Colorado in July. I thought maybe it was that they suspected something about my situation. I haven't told them anything about it at all. I was in denial.

My dad can be a complete jack*$$, that is for sure. At times I have certainly wondered how my mom has put up with him all these years. Although my mom has never discussed it with me, my sis says that my mom confessed that there was a time that she was considering leaving him and us (my sister and I). My dad was borderline physically abusive to my sister and I, but I don't remember him ever hitting my mom. My dad was totally emotionally abusive to my sister, myself and my mom. I can remember wishing that they would divorce. But that was all interspersed with some awesome family times too.

I was at work when I spoke to my sister about it today and I have very thin walls so I told her I'd talk to her tonight and she still hasn't called me back. It makes me incredibly sad, the word "divorce" was used.

I need to find out more, but I want to be in denial about it becasue I am already dealing with my own issues.

And how can I possibly lay my own issues on my mom (and/or dad)when she is feeling this way?