Hi glam and NG- I got back late last night from vacation. We had a great time. Hard to believe that was my son's last childhood summer vacation. The thought of it brings tears to my eyes. Time does go by way too fast when you aren't paying attention.
When the kids and I had just left town, my H sent me a text telling me that a friend/client had been in his office that day and that she is a big fan of us reconciling. I thought wow, he is telling people that we are working on reconciling and that is another baby step...but then I didn't hear much from my H while we were gone. A few texts and I think we briefly talked twice (I called him once). Anyway, we got back late last night and my H called early this morning to ask about the trip and some business issues. He made no mention whatsoever about us getting together but I started thinking to myself that now that I am back, we can get back on track working on things...later I got a bit of a reality check. I went to drop off book work at his office and he was out at a meeting. I sent him a text telling him I left the book work at his office and I was going to see if he wanted to do something with me tonight. I got a text back saying he had a political function to attend...and that was that. Okay so I know I am letting expectations sneek in...not that I thought we would definately do something tonight but I guess I thought that we would at least make plans for some time in the near future...especially since my birthday is next week. Last week, my H was asking what I wanted for my birthday. Oh things that popped in my mind when he asked that question...but I said nothing.
I still have no idea if my H showed up for his IC appointment. I am so curious.
So here I am...coming up on 18 months post bomb...even with the positives, it is sometimes hard to believe that I have hung in there this long...I still have frustrations and moments wondering why I am still here...moments where I am ready to give up...but I am still here and all I can do is go back to no expectations and try to find more patience.
Hi Upside Glad you had a nice vacation You are doing all the right things and sound grounded fall is coming and new and brighter things are around the corner breathe and enjoy what is now Your H is talking about R-- talk first.. action next all looks very hopeful for you and your H Peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Welcome back! Your posts always remind me to cherish every moment because kids grow up way too fast. At the moment, I'm slowly typing with 1 hand and have S3 sleeping in my other arm - it won't be long before he's too big and grown up to snuggle up with!
Regarding your H, I think if you are going to have any expectations at all, they should be that your H will continue to do this connect/retreat dance with you. It seems to be a pattern, not only with your H, but other returning S's as well. I know it feels like a long time, but looking at the big picture, 18 months isn't all that long.
How frustrating that your H didn't have plans already made for the two of you when you returned home!
There are still times I think I will just wake up and it will all have been a bad dream.
But seriously, you do have some great positives going on in your situation. Let him take the lead in how fast it happens, don't be so anxious for more and if you can, act non-chalant about it.
When is your birthday????
Nature Girl M 40 H 40 M 15, T 19 D11 S9 bomb 3/07 (MOW)
Hi glam- Happy Anniversary to you...I hope your next year's anniversary will be so much better. It does sound like your H is making progress. Did he find a new job? Maybe that will help him work through some of this.
Hello peace- It is scary to think that fall is coming...I can not believe how fast the last year has gone by. I just realized it was one year ago today that my H filed the D papers. I can't help but wonder where we all be one year from now.
Hey sh- I am glad I am able to remind you to appreciate the moment. How I miss being able to cuddle with my S. My S is so grown up now (most of the time) and while I know he appreciates me, he doesn't want to show it. I miss his unconditional love and adoration.
What is happening with your sitch???
Hey there NG- It sounds so whiny that I am disappointed that my H wasn't dying to see me when I got home...oh well, I am over it. It is so funny that you mention a bad dream...I had strange dream last night. I was at a party and my H and another guy show up in wedding dresses...I think it was supposed to be a joke but whatever it was, it was weird and I am not trying to read anything into it. Anyway, my birthday is Monday...my H told me a few times today that he knows what he is going to get me...he even said something about the fact he didn't get me anything last year.
Hello Breton- Thanks for stopping by. I am trying to take my time. I think I would be completely freaked out if my H decided to move "home". I keep telling myself slow and steady.
Last night after I posted, my H called. I think I let him hear my frustration a little. I asked him what he was doing this weekend rather than waiting for him to ask me. He said he wasn't doing anything and I asked what I am doing. I told him I am having a team party at my house for S16 on Saturday. My H said he would come and help out. After that I asked what my H was doing tonight and he told me he was going home after work...he said he wanted to rest...but later he suggested we meet for lunch today. I told him I would let him know. We ended up meeting at our usual spot. We just talked about the usual...kids and work...until shortly before we left. My H mentioned something about buying some beach property for retirement...and he asked my opinion. The conversation was interesting. I gave my opinion but I had to keep adding the qualifier of "if we were to get back together".
Oh, I also asked my H about his IC appointment...he said he was planning on going but got side tracked and by the time he realized it, it was too late to go...grrr! We have a joint C appointment scheduled for Monday night...what a romantic way to spend my birthday!
Slowly we progress...I guess I am okay with it today and I have to appreciate that.
Keep doing what you are doing Upside. My h got a job this past Monday. Since that he has been in almost daily contact. I believe this is what he needed to lift his spirits.
He defintely is NOT coming home anytime soon. Your h will probably be home before mine.
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
Breton interesting you point out the 18 months. It was really at that point that I saw a few baby steps working in our direction. Prior h had no interest and even at 18 months it was still tough.
2 years later he seems to be connecting more each month.
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
I thought wow, he is telling people that we are working on reconciling and that is another baby step...but then I didn't hear much from my H while we were gone. A few texts and I think we briefly talked twice (I called him once). Anyway, we got back late last night and my H called early this morning to ask about the trip and some business issues. He made no mention whatsoever about us getting together but I started thinking to myself that now that I am back, we can get back on track working on things...later I got a bit of a reality check. I went to drop off book work at his office and he was out at a meeting. I sent him a text telling him I left the book work at his office and I was going to see if he wanted to do something with me tonight. I got a text back saying he had a political function to attend...and that was that. Okay so I know I am letting expectations sneek in...not that I thought we would definately do something tonight but I guess I thought that we would at least make plans for some time in the near future...especially since my birthday is next week. Last week, my H was asking what I wanted for my birthday. Oh things that popped in my mind when he asked that question...but I said nothing.
I can't help but wonder where we all be one year from now.
Anyway, my birthday is Monday...my H told me a few times today that he knows what he is going to get me...he even said something about the fact he didn't get me anything last year.