Everyone must decide what is best and right for themselves and their situation.
Some choose to stand no matter what happens and some have a definate breaking point. I'm sure some have chosen to stand and later realized they too had a breaking point. From your posts I gather that you made your decision based solely on how you were being personally affected by your X's actions. That is OK.
In my sitch I know that I love this woman and she loves me (she says so). She is "messed up" (her words). I am standing for our M and told her so over a year ago. My kids know this too as they overheard me telling her this and my D immediately thanked me for doing so. The also know that mommy is dating and they know that daddy isn't.
Last night my children heard when X asked me if I had a "hot date." Later as I was dropping kids off to the sitter's my D asked me if I had a date. You should have seen the concern on her face. I didn't have a date and was glad to tell her so. It was a party to welcome a new staff menber at work and I felt I needed to attend as it was hosted by the boss at her home. Moments like that remind me why I am standing and that it is the right choice or me and my family.
I'm doing this for four people; my kids, my X and myself. Doing the right thing is rarely easy and I sometimes have to remind myself of that. If it were EVERYONE would do the right thing all the time.
I also have to remind myself that doing the right thing doesn't always result in a favorable outcome for the individual who has made that choice. Jesus did the right thing his entire life and his Father was "well pleased" with him. We all know what happened to Jesus on this earth before he assended to his (and our) Father. He knew what was going to happen to him all along.
Jesus did the right thing anyway.
"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12 Bomb and OM 12/15/06 Separated 01/02/07 Divorced 05/13/08 X married OM(OMH) 08/2009 Married 06/09/13
I guess what it boils down to is that we all have our breaking point when we know we just can't do it anymore. My sister put up with physical abuse for years from her XH and is now M'd to the most wonderful man in the world. My X cheated on me with numerous women. He still provided well for our family and was a wonderful father to our D. What would be the breaking point for you?
I do not have a breaking point because I am relying on my faith in God to guide me. When I married, and I am sure everyone here will say this, God united us as one flesh. I have chosen to stand strong because I have no intention of ending my marriage.
Every marriage has its ups and downs and I have to say as H will also say, our marriage was a good one. We had disagreements but never talked back to one another, never fought.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Sleeper, I understand what you are saying and commend you for it. I would point out though that standing is not always the harder option, getting a D you didn't want and having to find a new life and way of living after many years is extremely hard, many of us did it with the help of advice from this boardGod,s help and getting a life. I take it you and your wife are still married, she dates other men, you do not date. I guess that is confusing for your children but as long as they know they are loved and have a stable home life that is good. Some children are having to witness a far less desirable home life. Which is manifest in their behaviour. I believe this is not what Jesus would want.
The difficulty I have is the advice that is given to D people and one partner has remarried. It is still the same. God hears your prayers your marriage will be restored? Having said that I notice it is being tempered somewhat now.
I say standing can be the easier option if the alternative means you have to support yourself, both emotionally, and financially.I have no problem with that either each to their own but I really don't see it as sound DB advice and it bares no resemblence to Michele Weiner-Davis Divorce Busting teaching. This is after all her site and her forums. Nor are those people going to be ready to have a lasting and happier marriage where both partners are of equal importance and both partners have their needs met, if and when the waw spouse ever returns,imo.
Just maybe those with such a Bible based view, would be better and happier not to post on such a wordly secular site and use one of the many that cater to those of the same persusion. Here advice from a huge range of people and persuasions is offered, it usually comes from experience of what has worked. We all want to see marriages restored but we also want to see the poster first find themselves and their own happiness. Not to feel a failure if they choose to give up and except the reality of their situation.Nor do we wish to encourage posters to stay in miserable, abusive situations and tell them to regard it as God testing their faith.
Before people jump on me for my opinions I am not singling out any particular person or people. Just suggesting that those who rely primarily and wholly on bible verses,prayer and newsletters from other sites and take offence and indeed regard other pov as attacks from the enemy would be happier elsewhere.IMO
You're right about handling this creatively. As an artist & teacher I appreciate the process. Process, Process, Process - the process makes the product successful or not. And during the process you find your true self.
Me 56 H 47 Married 21 years No children Bomb & moved out 4/07 "My feelings have changed" & "I want to live by myself". Ow Bomb 8/07 H filed 6/08 D final 2/05/10
"Just maybe those with such a Bible based view, would be better and happier not to post on such a wordly secular site and use one of the many that cater to those of the same persusion."
Pretty sad. It makes it sound like those with Biblical viewpoints should not be here. How biased is that?
I don't see those with a Biblical viewpoint tell you or others to go away and look for another forum.
Just telling it the way you came across.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
As is your perogative Steelers, but as ever you completely miss the point and latch on to the odd sentence,as you did with Summers post that you completely disregarded. This is NOT a religious site. Many of us our christians and I guess many are from other faiths. I really am left wondering why if you have total faith in God's restoration of your marriage you are on a site at all or are you hedging your bets a little, I do not object and indeed have no right to do so that religious beliefs are expressed but I have to say these are becoming what verge on the Billy Graham mass hysteria fanatasism. I cannot be the only person to gasp in disbelief at some of the posts about God answered prayers for things like a trip for husband or whether he gets more sales? or this is happeneing so the husband can be head of the household and be the breadwinner. How about using that total ability to hear God speaking and getting prayers answered for important things like world peace or food for the starving, freedom for those oppressed and persecuted. I am done with this. Again I say this is not a Bible based site. That is not to say prayers cannot be used and said whilst getting a life and doing your part. As you have just stated again you and your husband had no marriage problems, he loves you, provides for you and you never fought. Just why 2 years later are you still posting?
Sleeper, I am sorry I just read your signature line and see you and your wife are divorced. I take it you will now never remarry,even if your x wife does. You have quite young children and they do need to be your main priority. I really wish you well with your stand and hope you will not have to live a life alone forever unless that is that you choose.
I don't see any profit whatsoever in pointing fingers at people because of their beliefs of ANY kind.
I don't care if you're Christian, Hindu, Buddhist, Islamic, Republican, Democrat, Country Music, Alt Rock, Heavy Metal, Hot dog, hamburger, Chili with beans, Chili without beans....etc.
Maybe what some of us need to do is make the PERSONAL choice to stay away from threads where the author holds a particular viewpoint that we disagree with.
Honestly, if you believe that the Great Pumpkin will meet all your needs if you just eat enough pumpkin pie on a regular basis, I don't care. If believing in the Great Pumpkin means that you value the sacrament of marriage enough to fight for you marriage rather than casually discard it at the first sign of trouble, I say...WELCOME. And WE ARE OF LIKE MIND.
The suggestion that Bible believing Christians should go elsewhere is just absolutely absurd.
I personally believe that blond haired, blue eyed women are prone to lying, having adulterous affairs, ending long standing marriages, and leaving their children before they are grown.
You won't find me asking blond haired, blue eyed women to go find their own websites though.
(....desperately hoping that ALL the blond haired, blue eyed women can recognize sarcasm...)
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
And ALL men who leave a 20 year marriage are IDIOTS! (more sarcasm & stereotyping)
Namaste
Me 56 H 47 Married 21 years No children Bomb & moved out 4/07 "My feelings have changed" & "I want to live by myself". Ow Bomb 8/07 H filed 6/08 D final 2/05/10
Personally, I have grown from the different views that I find here so I say bring it on. If we all thought the same way all the time none of would learn anything here.
However, I have a serious issue with Bworl's comment....I really like Blond haired, blue eyed women. Sorry Bworl.
M35 W37 S9 D6 M12 yrs Know 15 yrs Bomb 1/28/07 My Sitch Failure is the opportunity to start again more intelligently - Henry Ford
