I understand that times are tough (for all of us actually), but I'd like to say that you've been an inspiration to me, and I appreciate all you do! Obviously, God intends you to keep helping folks here on the boards...maybe that's why He's allowing it to be tough for you to feel really good physically right now. He's working through you (even if you don't realize it). Take comfort in that and find joy in the fact that God is using you!
I have a great story on my new post. I've committed to standing for my marriage, and you and others here were instrumental in that decision. When you have a minute, go read the post about the sign I got from God that I was making the right choice! I can't figure out how to post my link here (I'll work in that), but it's under Newcomers...the new thread is called, "Doing better...at least for the minute." You helped me make that commitment to my marriage...Just remember that God's working through you, and you should delight in that opportunity to help so many others!
Me 39 H 36 S 7 S 4 T 15 M 12 H out 8/1/08 OW confirmed 8/6/08 D final on 6/12/09...I'm doing good!
Sandi - I'm glad you posted an update and I'm glad you're still hanging in there.
I don't think your feeling of being tired and worn out in the relationship has anything to do with your age. My almost WAW is 45, still very active, fit, sexy (a personal trainer), but I think she feels the exact same way about me. She doesn't feel attracted to me, or intimate, etc... I think it is just a sympton of being an almost WAW.
My W read about a study somewhere that like 90% of all couples that get past a possible divorce and stay together another 5 years say that they are happier in their marriages then they ever have been. So, I'm hoping that time and patience are our gifts and that there will be light at the end of the tunnel. I know you don't feel it right now, but pray and believe that it will get better -- that's what I'm doing.
One thing I'll add from being on the other side of a WAW is that your husband might appreciate just a hug, a kiss, etc..., once in a while -- maybe just to tell him you still care about him and you appreciate all the things he is doing. I hope you tell him that. I know when my wife notices some of my 180's and says something about it, I feel a great sense of accomplishment and it makes me want to do more.
As for the TV at night, is there anything that will get your H away from it? Have you told him that it bores you, bothers you, etc...? Maybe suggest a walk. Go shopping. Read together. Play a board game or some cards. Anything but sit in front of the TV. I used to be addicted to the TV too, and that was one of my W's complaints, but I told her that I watched TV because I was bored, not because I enjoyed it that much. That's how bad our relationship got. I don't watch much anymore at all.
Anyhow, hang in there and be patient. Try to see the good in your H and hopefully some of those feelings will surface again.
Me-44, W-45 Together-25 yrs, Married-21 yrs D-17,S-15,D-13,S-10 ILYBNILWY Bomb: 10/2007 Status: Divorce Mediation, Still under same roof My Story
Hi, thank you so much for looking me up and writing on my thread. To answer some of your statements, yes I think that staying fit and healthy has so much to do with one's mental attitude. However, ever since I've had Fibromyalgia it seems every year gets harder and harder. If I'm not in pain, then I barely have enough energy to make it through a work day. Some days I have had to miss work simply b/c I did not have the physical energy to make it. Chronic fatigue is part of Fibromyalgia and I know it probably sounds like an excuse, but if you had known me 20 years ago.......you would understand why this is hard for me to accept. I am probably one of the older people here on the board.....don't know for sure b/c most won't tell their ages that are past 55.....lol. Just kidding. I do agree that happiness does seem to lend a hand in giving us a zest for life. That is what I desire to have back again.....more than anything.
Yes, I do give my H kisses and hugs and I tell him I love him. I do try to remember to thank him for doing things for me. I've never been one to get mushy about "admiration" and I know that is important to a man, but I always felt so "fake" about trying to do it.
As far as the TV situation......I have tried everything!!! I have even used sex as a distraction! But, once that was over, right back in front of the TV he would go. He has always been that way. I was addicted to TV for years, also. When I was.....it was okay b/c he never wanted to play games or go to sports or do anything that I considered to be "fun" things to do. He was like an old man when I married him.......I just thought he was acting like Gary Cooper at the time....lol. I know, you don't even know who Gary Cooper was! But, I saw him as being the "strong silent type" of guy when all alone, he just didn't know anything to say! Oh well, I sure didn't bring any of that out of him. He never would talk to me when he came in from work, never would talk about dreams, goals, our future, what he wanted.....nothing. He did not talk about intimate things other than he never got enough sex.....and that just turned me off. B/c he never fulfilled me emotionally, then we began having sexual problems and then I was not fulfilling him sexually. Sad to say, but I wasn't fulfilled sexually from the get go. We had problems all down through our married life about sex. It was always my fault....no matter what I tried, it wasn't good enough or something. What ever the problem really was....he always brought it back to "sex".....not enough sex. So, I prayed and prayed for decades that God would just please put in me the desire for my H. I actually thought something was adnormal about me. Well, finally.....after so many years of waiting, I reached my sexual peek (or peak?)(can't remember which way to spell that...lol). Strangley enough, just as I did, he stopped cold turkey without a word and has not touched me since. That was over 12 years ago! So, yes, I was a wayward wife and had an EA with a man on-line. I never was unfaithful in a PA or even met the OM in real life. Strange as it may seem, I never even thought about looking at another man up until that happened. It was horrible to see how my H reacted. He became a person I did not recognize, but then I suppose that is how he saw me too. He was so angry and he spied and snooped and tried to set me up to catch me. He took the web cam away and done everything he could think of. It made me feel like a child and I rebelled like one too. I came so close to leaving him. But, we had been M for 40 years and were grandparents. How could I do that to my family? Anyway, to make a long story short, I stopped contact with OM and decided to stay with my H. It was a very long hard year and it has been very slow moving.....but then so are we...lol. Seriously, I know that our life doesn't move along as quickly as young couples with kids still at home, etc. Everyday is pretty much the same around here. My life consists of trying to put in a day's work b/c I have to work to pay for insurance. I come home and crash, eat a bite of supper and try to watch a TV program with him. By then he is asleep and I come to the computer to talk to you guys.
I do try to see the good in my H. I know that he is a good man. I know that he loves me and if it had been turned the other way around......I would have left him so fast it would have made his head spin. So, he is very forgiving and he is trying real hard to trust me again. At least he is showing that to me in his actions that I can see. I wonder somethimes if he still checks the computer out....but he won't find anything there.
Hope I didn't bore you. I have talked to so many people that I forget if I've told this to whom....lol. So, if you've heard it before, please over-look me.....I may do it again before it's over. (lol)
We are all here for one another. I'm glad you are on board. I can tell you, it was a few wise people that did not shun an almost WAW when I came here and was kind enough to help me see the light. For that, I hope I can pay it forward.
Take care, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I don't often respond on your thread cos most of the times I'm not sure what to write, but I gald to see the many positive responses you are getting in this forum and I hope they go a long way towards helping you find peace and contentment.
Thank you Lan. I know my M is a long way from being perfect, but it is so much better than it was even before the OM came into the picture. If I had not been so unhappy before.....then I would never have turned to OM.
Anyway, we are doing okay. He is a little over four years older than me, and his heart problems has taken a toll on him in more ways than one. He still tries to work and the entire family (his side also) uses him to run them to the doctor and everything else.....and I have to fight to keep from feeling a lot of resentment there b/c he has to miss a day of work to take them to the doctor, whereas, the SIL or whoever, doesn't miss any work. I don't see that as being very fair....but he is his own boss and he is the one that has to tell them he can't do it b/c he needs to work that day.
I need to get over to your thread to check on you two and see how things are going. The last I remembered, it was better and I felt good about what I had read. Hope everything is still coming along. I'll have to see what all you've accomplished around the house, etc. Sure hope once it is completed that the W will be pleased and feel 'completed' in some way.
I'll talk to you soon.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Hi Amy, well she says it will have to get worse before she goes through all those terrible tests again. Right now, they have her on some medicine that seems to help with the pain in her stomach but she can't swallow her food very well and last time they had to do a lot of things I don't know how to spell. But her food was not digesting and it just sat in her stomac, plus they had to do a lot of other stuff. It was like four major surgries into one. She almost died over it, so I wish she wouldn't wait so long before having it seen about, but I would probably be doing the same thing. Those tests are sooooo bad.
I just wanted tell everyone that I am going to take a few days away from the board. I'll be back shortly, but I need a break and I need to spend more time with my H and family. I an spending too much time here on the board. It is hard to pull away when you want to try to help so many, but I can tell when I am spending too much time here. It starts to show up in my posts....if you know what I mean.
I'll talk to you in a few days. Take care.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Sandi I looking around at different post and came across one that hit me. It was the same thing that I have wanted to tell you but was afraid you might take it the wrong way. I’ve written it a couple of times, no make that three times, I just lost what I was typing and I was almost done. I’ll do my best to recreate it. The first time is always the best. Anyway, I want you to know I love all the things you have taught or told me about what to do or that it is OK to be feeling the way I do. I wouldn’t have wanted anyone else at my side, well maybe puppy, but he can be a little rough. We need people like you Sandi to be there when we’re down, to lift us up from the pits. I have to admit and I ‘m sure there are others out there that wait impatiently for your responses to their post. This all comes from your post on "WW, need advice". You have answered yourself as to what is happening. Slow down, you are getting to wrapped up on posting. Trying to juggle to many post. Sandi needs time too. I, we just don’t want to loose you to burnout. Maybe write short post, less than 1000 words, lol. Please think about it, don’t try to be “Mrs. Fix It”, it doesn’t work remember? I’m glade your are taking time off, I’m sorry for the reason, I wish things could be better. Bow down before Him and ask for His help, He is always there. You have to be strong during this time, you are all they have. We will do what we can here.
I am sorry about your lose over the weekend. Your D will be in my prays
Another note for just you I emailed the W about your fibromyalgia, her is her response.
Quote:
There are many things that can contribute to fibromyalgia... it really depends on the person. For me, there seems to be a direct relation to high acid (not foods, in my entire system, especially muscles). I take tablets of pressed Barley Grass (health food store), which is a natural alkalinity increaser, removing acid from the muscles, which seems to be the source of the pain. (So, taking stomach antacids won't do any good.)
After reading this, it sounds like I was wrong about the wheat, pizza is back in.
