You know you get to the point where you say, "Hey what am I doing. This is my life, it is short. Why am I giving up my power and emotional well being to a cheating, betraying, irrational, lost soul." "I feel sorry for him, I have compassion for him, but I will not lose myself in HIS mess. I have already lost so much time and precious moments because he was unable to cope with life, NO MORE"
This doesnt sound like giving up to me. This sounds like strength within. I WILLINGNESS to live and live well.
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Losing my mother, got me to this point. Life is good. God wants us to be happy and get the most out of this beautiful world. Because our Ml'ers cannot do that, does not mean we cannot. We have to move on. They may never be able to find what is important.
I agree--- and WAITING for them to get there to me is different than standing....STANDING means (to me) believes in the "OPTION" to open teh door if they come around....on our terms. WAITING to me means that when they becon (sp??) we will move towards them....
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Don't get me wrong, I am still standing, but with open eyes. We all are entitled to love, to be loved, to be treated fairly, to be valued and shown affection. I will not be his punching bag, his scapegoat, his source to expel his evil from his soul.
My mother loved him but said to me before she died that she did not think he would come out of his crisis for a while. She knew the value of life because she was losing hers. She did not want me to miss out on one single day. I have chosen to not do that anymore.
There is VALUE of life....YOU DO deserve to be LOVED. AND you are on teh right track..
T- you just lost your mom...and you have road a pretty hard journey. You have moved on with such grace and dignity....I believe in the way you are standing.....I believe it is the way we are suppose to do it....moving forward and not looking back....
Have a good day my friend.
M-20 years/BOMB 12/24/06 Moved out 3/12/07 D final 7/30/2008 finding myself again
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
It was interesting what you wrote about your ex being 'hot'. Mine has gone the opposite way. He ALWAYS looked after himself when we were together. In fact he had been doing this so much just before he left my D18 actually asked him if he was gay when he first left! Now though has put on a lot of weight, his hair is graey (at least it would be if he didn't shave it all off1), he's suffered with baldness since he was 18 but now he is starting to look his age as well.
So tell me. Does this mean he is content and no longer feels the need to preen himself now he has bagged future wife no 2? does it mean he no longer has time to take care of himself? Does it mean OW is not worth the effort? I'm certain it's not that he can't afford it. We never could but he always managed.
Interestingly he no longer takes care of his health like he used to. He has had a thyroid problem for a number of years and NEVER missed an appointment to get his bloods tested every year. D18 tells me that he has had one since he left and even then he was supposed to go back for a follow test b/c they had to up his dose so much and they wanted to make sure they weren't giving him too much. As far as either of us know he never went for that second test. Since his father died of cancer (and it seems to run in the family on his paternal side) he was always so particular about keeping healthy so to suddenly go like this is beyond me.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
I am going to Vegas for 4 days starting Tuesday with my neighbor friends. I texted ex that I would be out of town and that he would be responsible for the children on those days. He said fine but he wants the kids through the weekend. I called him then and told him No, that he would already be having them the 4 days I was gone. He backed down and said o.k. He seemed a little annoyed but he has not gotten angry in a long time. That normally would have sent him off.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Yes, Cagz you are welcome to come ( and I am not kidding).
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
