Well, I honestly just dont know where to begin. I guess with - I'm tired. I'm very tired. I think there comes a point in many of us DBer's lives where we look at how much effort went into saving a drowning ship and finally decided its just best to swim towards calmer seas. For almost three years now I have been the only one fighting for my marriage. My H (guess I need to get used to typing STBXH) decides that when things got hard an OW was the solution. He has walked away in so many different ways that I just can no longer keep up the fight. I have thrown in the towel, I haved called mercy, and I decided to believe it when he says ILYNILWY.
I was one of those truly hopeful souls. I just knew that he would eventually see the light and want our deep love back. I kept labeling him MLC (which I still believe he is) as a way to say that this too will pass and then we can fix our R. But instead of seeing it as a middle, I need to see it as the end. If you read my previous thread from piecing (I was way too hopeful over there) you will understand why I have to let this go.
So here I am, facing a divorce in the midst of facing possible terminal cancer...yes folks, that's right, I found out about my cancer 2 days before he dropped the OW bomb. To his defense I did not tell him right away. I was already spinning from everything, but still, even after he knew he keeps chosing her over his family. If you read my previous post you will get a better picture of it all. I am not bitter or angry or even sad at this stage, more like dissapointed. Dissapointed that he continues to do self distructive things, dissapointed that he puts his own needs before even his son, dissapointed that when I needed my best friend the most he looked externally for validation instead of fixing the broken part of him on the inside. It is his journey so he gets the right to chose how to navigate it. Just as with my journey I get the right to say that I am no longer holding on.
Broken Hearted ------------------ Me - 36 H - 37 S - 8 Married - 1992 ILYNILWY - August 2007 Moved Out - March 2008 OW Revieled - May 28, 2008 Filed for D - July 2, 2008
Letting go is hard. I think it is an important step. All I can say is FOCUS on YOU. I pray your cancer is not terminal and that you can live a long life. Please enjoy your time here NOW. We all need to do this. Focus on all the good things during each day. Go watch the sun rise with someone special. Watch the sunset.
*HUGS AND PRAYERS*
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
((( Brokenhearted))) I am so sorry first there is nothing wrong w/ having hope, we all have/had hope, without it we wouldnt of come this far.
As hard and maybe un natrual that it may be, I hope you can let him be for right now and concentrate on yourself and your son. You need to be focused on you, to get better.
I am sure everyone here on this side will help you in whatever way we can, advice support, prayers, whatever you need. You def have friends here ((( BH)))
Last edited by KarenMarieS; 09/11/0804:45 AM.
Be Happy for this Moment, This Moment is your Life
Ready, you need to do the same my friend. Just make sure you dont shoot yourself with your bow while riding horseback....we would all hate to lose such a wise soul. I will be hearing in a couple of weeks the final results and will let you know what the doc says. Personally, with the exception of a few woe is me moments every so often, I am at peace with my life. I can see how short things can be and know that we all need to live it to our fullest while we can. If that means letting go so that I dont stay stuck, then that is what I must do. Even if all is well and I live to be 200, I still need to let go so that I can continue the journey of learning what life has to offer me.
Go luck on your hunt and have a wonderful trip!
Broken Hearted ------------------ Me - 36 H - 37 S - 8 Married - 1992 ILYNILWY - August 2007 Moved Out - March 2008 OW Revieled - May 28, 2008 Filed for D - July 2, 2008
Thank you Karen. The problem that I had with having hope was that it kept me locked into looking for signs, any sign, that said he was going to come home. It was when I began to have hope again that maybe things would work out that I lost the focus on myself and slid back into waiting for him. This is not healthy for me. I have to let go for myself. This is the hardest thing I have ever done, but it is also necessary for my heart.
I do not hold anger or resentment against him. In fact, I think I finally understand him better than ever. I can see why he has made the decisions he has made, I just do not believe they are healthy or right. I can not and will not fix him. This is the path he chose and I have no place on it. So, I am dropping the rope, re-focusing on me, all the while still being very kind and pleasant to him. I believe that we all do the best we can with the hurt we carry. His actions come from a very scared and hurt soul trying to protect himself. I get it,I really do. And because I get it, it makes it easier for me to be kind and compassionate towards him. I am just not willing to be giving of myself to him anymore. Hope that makes sense.
Broken Hearted ------------------ Me - 36 H - 37 S - 8 Married - 1992 ILYNILWY - August 2007 Moved Out - March 2008 OW Revieled - May 28, 2008 Filed for D - July 2, 2008
Yes, posting can become addictive....because of all of the wonderful people here. Goodnight Ready and have a wonderful trip.
Broken Hearted ------------------ Me - 36 H - 37 S - 8 Married - 1992 ILYNILWY - August 2007 Moved Out - March 2008 OW Revieled - May 28, 2008 Filed for D - July 2, 2008
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
The problem that I had with having hope was that it kept me locked into looking for signs, any sign, that said he was going to come home. It was when I began to have hope again that maybe things would work out that I lost the focus on myself and slid back into waiting for him
You know that has been such a huge topic here on surviving, whether all the talk of hope and baby steps, was keeping us "stuck" I def fell into that- I bet most did- Ex played on it as well, giving me hope, till he found someone "better" I think we all have our own timetable of when its time to move on - cant do it too soon or we will always wonder, what if.
Its a slow healing process but it does come , you will get there too, you sound actually very positive and solid on your choice. Good for you. You must be a left coaster, I'm bettin, everyone else is sleepin lol
g'night and welcome.
Be Happy for this Moment, This Moment is your Life
BH-- You sound very grounded. Hope....it always sounds like something you should strive to have, but the wrong hope almost killed me. I was unwilling to let go.
Your words show a lot of wisdom, and focusing on what you do have control over and your own choices is the best course of action for you.
You will have friends here who can walk the path with you...
