We're never getting back together-How do you cope?

[theotherhalf]

Sometimes I just feel like she is trying to make me give up on her, or get mad at her, does that sound like a possibility to anyone?

Double YES!!!

My H does this all the time...

[onedge]

It's like they are trying to make it easier on themselves by making it hard on us, or making us not want them, problem is it doesn't work like that

[onedge]

Is it possible that i'm over reacting, and she was just like that because she had to ask me for money?

[onedge]

YES!!

Onedge,
I'm not so familiar with your situation, but this seems like a very common action of a WAS. They don't want the responsibility of carrying all the guilt, so they need a way to make the LBS look less desirable or look like the bad guy. They need to find reasons to justify their actions.

So i guess ignoring how she acted and not mentioning it is good for my cause then? I managed to not say anything to her about it while i was there, and haven't done anything rash since.
I'm telling myself that i'm not going to bite, I can wait untill we actually have a better relationship/friendship before I start telling her how I feel. At the moment, she doesn't share any of that sort of stuff with me, and it's not in my best interests to do that with her right now.

[MsMelancoly]

At the moment, she doesn't share any of that sort of stuff with me, and it's not in my best interests to do that with her right now.

That's exactly what my DBcoach - says. Talking about how you feel should wait until 'best friends' stage atleast.

I do think it's strange that she didn't even say thank you. But that's just me.

[onedge]

well, she did say thank you, but didn't put effort at all, didn't even (or barely even)look at me, and the whole time it was a really bitchy tone, like it was my fault maybe, or she is just upset at me for whatever reason. Whatever, her loss for the moment anyway, i've told her i'm not going to offer financial support anymore (she turns it down and gets upset when I do). If she needs anything I will always say yes if i can afford to, but i'm not going to offer unless she asks.

[MsMelancoly]

In my own sitch - one problem I realized (my H is depressed as well) is that I was becoming more of his mother than his wife. (Have that rescueing instinct in me - damn it). Trying to in some ways in my eyes "make his life easier". But, yet one of the reasons he left was so he could pay off his debts by himself & become independent. He also said he didn't want to come home until his debts were paid ...... guess I'll be here for the next 5 years or so....

For me - it did help to read books on depression. To get some sort of understanding what they & now you are dealing with. (I'll look for the 1 mentioned in DR).

[onedge]

Thanks for the tip, I am trying to learn more, I was looking for some class's for families and friends of people with depression, found some aswell, I would have called them today to find out about it, but I just can't do it right now, i'm still not happy about last night.......

[onedge]

Ok, i'm back to DBing today, on lunch i amd going to try and find a C to help me with a few things that i'm not happy with (including but not limited to relationship).

[onedge]

Ok some things have happened since I posted on here last time, basically I'm going dark again, or dim.
I didn't call W back yesterday when she pranked me 2 times (meaning "call me back") and she sent me a text asking me to call.
I talked to the kids last night, W told me off (there was another thread in there with most of the story, i'll post it in my signature when I am at work)
She texted me twice this morning, I called her back coz' the second one was abusive.
When she got on the phone she abused me for not answering sooner (i was asleep give me a break) and told me that i never call there anymore (I don't call for her, but i call for the kids every night at the moment. This is after one day of going dark/dim?!?).
Basically she just wanted to tell me that her internet was cut off because I didn't change the plan (she told me she would take care of it, I didn't say that though). She spent the next 15 minutes bitching about debt's that she has at the moment and all that kind of stuff, and that she can't get on the internet. Sounded like she was blaming me for it all but then said "i'm not blaming you for it, i'm just upset and", i finished her sentence "needed someone to take it out on", I was right. She then bitched some more about it, but not in a blaming way, someone is using her wireless, i asked if she wanted me to fix it or if she wanted me to talk her through it, she didn't have time so yeah, she doesn't have the money for much now, she has been offered a caravan to stay in at her mums house which she doesn't want to do. Also she had to point out that she talking to me because she had nobody else to talk to at that point, her "mum doesn't care she is too into "world of warcraft" for W to talk to about this stuff, I asked her to stop pointing that out.
I changed the subject and we talked about "world of warcraft" for about the the next 15minutes just light conversation and she left the conversation a lot happier than when we started talking.

I'd say that the conversation was a bit of a success on my part, I made her feel far better than when I first called, and told her that she can bitch to me whenever she needs to. Conversation was ending and we said goodbye.

I'm not good at judging things with going dark yet, so can anybody give me an opinion or advice on that part?