Been there, heard that. Isn't it interesting we're the ones to whom they vent. They create this mess for themselves and then call us to rant about what a mess their life is.
Mine has done much the same in the past couple of months. She is broke, exhausted, stressed out, etc. Whenever some large unexpected bill (some like her legal bill, the direct result of D) comes her way she calls me to fuss about it. Ironically it is only within the last 6 months that X no longer sees me as the enemy, as I have done none of the things she feared I would.
Protect yourself. Be understanding but not enabling (something I may be guilty of myself). Learn to listen to the vent without taking it personally. If you engage him angrily (hanging up?) you make yourself the focal point of his anger and become the enemy, not a friend to whom to vent.
He may very well apologize later. Mine does now and that is a new development.
I believe how we respond to them during this time is what will determine whether they will feel safe to return to us when they come through this.
We're not required to take them back, of course, but having that option would be nice.
Last edited by sleeper; 09/20/0806:13 PM.
"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12 Bomb and OM 12/15/06 Separated 01/02/07 Divorced 05/13/08 X married OM(OMH) 08/2009 Married 06/09/13
Oh my gosh Trusting your post was quite comical. It made me laugh, no disrespect I just find it funny how they continue to blame.
What is important is that you don't feed into it. Just listen attentively and say sorry to hear that. Then if they get out of line, you do exactly what you did h I must go now. I hope your day gets better.
That is just too funny! I bet your h will come back with an apology. He wants you to feel the misery, but you are healthier and stronger don't take his bait.
Good job!
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
T My spouse looks miserable too only he will not admit it I am also to that point of wondering if I would really want him back and in the mean time ,,I think less of him and am moving on it is so weird the way H blames you either they just cant see the truth or they know they are distorting things -I think they dont see clearly, as mine makes little sense with some things he says like he said the other day while we were discussing financial with D He aisd He doesnt need much as he only rents a room I suggested someday he may want to get an apartment and he said no how weird is that??? peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Trusting - so typical with your xh. if finances are at all strained on his end he has to take it out on someone..i mean how is he going to keep up the "life of a bachelor" if he can't pay for it?
I understand where you are in all of this -- actually i wish I were as far along as you. You ARE the safe place to where he can return....and with you comes that dog gone responsibility and reality of life which seems to be what they just keep running from............. it will be interesting to watch the next few weeks to see what he pulls next.
M-20 years/BOMB 12/24/06 Moved out 3/12/07 D final 7/30/2008 finding myself again
Ex quiet again after his rampage. He seems to have gone into hiding. He is even quiet with the kids.
Wrote him a short email indicating that I am here for him if he wants to talk. I also however outlined my boundaries meaning I will not be disrespected anymore. He can become fairly verbally abusive and I am done with that. Overall my email was quite positive and loving.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
A collection agency came to the door looking for my ex He was told he does not live here anymore Not good for ex
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
